I'VE GOT YER FECKIN' CROSS-TRAINING RIGHT HERE!
Cross-training: words that strikes fear and boredom into my heart. My cycling library is contaminated with training books I’ve collected over the years. Each one is purchased knowing, yes, this is the one. Each one has a chapter on off-the-bike training. I recently bought Tom Danielson’s cross-training book, read some of it, have not done any of it. I’ve looked on Craig’s List for weights to set up a squatting station, none have met my strict requirements for some reason. I don’t run, period. I mostly hate walking and hiking. That’s why I ride a bike, FFS. Zumba, line-dancing, tai-chi…shoot me in the face, I’d rather develop a proper drug habit.
When I lived in a university town, despite their half-assed football program, they had a big stadium. Running those stadium steps was as close to enjoying cross-training as I will ever get. A full on boogie up to the top of the stadium, lope back down to the bottom, repeat until nauseous, repeat more. The top third of the steps were steeper, just to make it fun. It mimicked the mindless suffering and exhaustion us cyclists savor. It was intense enough that each session was over in under an hour. One would leave the stadium totally blown out and relaxed, again, like one would feel after a proper ride.
I used to go in the gym during the cold, unridable winter and do some horrid step treadmill and lift weights. Oh right, that was called youth and an over abundance of hormones. Now, that is just not going to happen. Shouldn’t living in Hawaii mean you never have to enter a gym again? Yes it does. I like to think my ineptitude in water-sports and the resultant near-drownings should provide some cross-training: elevated heart rate, thrashing of arms, seeing the all-embracing light at the end of the tunnel.
I could actually join CrossFit™. No, that would be unwise. Running seems to be an integral part of the regime, tattoos might be required and all that tractor tire wrestling would either ruin my back or bulk me up.
Aren’t we slighty proud of our chicken-chested scrawny upper bodies? Too much CrossFit could ruin a lifetime of chicken-chest development. And if we get good at running and swimming we might get crazy ideas.
Obviously, these are the complaints of a lazy cyclist who likes to ride his bike, end of discussion. There are no Rules to be quoted for off season cross-training except Rule #5. It is a universal Rule. There is no off season for Rule #5, but now it’s March, Milano-Sanremo looms. The off-season is off. I can safely put away my Tommy D book for another year.
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View Comments
@John Liu
Self excusing is a very important skill to hone in the off season, any season actually. And you better be very good at it to be walking you bike up hills. That is almost as bad as using emoticons here on the site. I'm not sure which is worse.
@Sparty
For fucks sake man, don't ever post another photo like that. Or I'll delete it. Put a photo of your bike up here, or your awesome road rash, but not that. That is worse than walking your bike up hills or using emoticons.
@Gianni
And you didn't even mention the phone with the flip-case. Its a phone, not a book, FFS.
@Tobin
16 oz? Lightweight, you want to start drinking proper man-sized pints, then move on to 1 litre stieners. You'll never get to optimal winter fitness with little-bittty glasses like that.
Why are you using a picture of my mum to illustrate the article?
@Tobin
Yeah I've been doing that too this winter, work and hotels. I want a refund as it does not work. I got absolutely trashed by 2 mates last weekend and normally I can ride away from them on the hills. Just can't have that, so hotels now have to have a gym.
You are all pathetic, wallowing in your self-deprecating silliness. Why the fuck do you all want to boast about being narrow minded wankers who ride a bike of bludge on the couch ?
I lift, bro, for good reason. Cycling causes osteopososis. Calcium loss through sweating destroys bones, and unless you want to use roids, the only way to repair them is to lift, and lift a bit heavy. Have a look at how bad the effects of the TDF is on bones and you will wonder why the UCI does not mandate the use of anabolics to keep the pros healthy.
Cyclists are also notorious for having weak backs, and doing kettlebell squats is really important to fix that. I'm currently in a build phase with weights, benched about 75kg the other day, squat 80kg, keep my dead-lifts to 100kg though, no need to go crazy there. Not huge numbers, but enough to keep me a bit buff and capable of doing any activity I choose, pretty much. I can knock out a set of 20 push-ups any time without blowing a gasket.
I love to paddle an ocean ski too, great on the really hot days, and awesome upper body work. It's a beautiful zen thing, and a lot harder than good paddlers make it look. Surfing is nice too, but a lot less zen these days, with crowds being a fact of life. Longboard skating though, is not a crowd issue and really cool fun.
The thing I resent most about middle-age is being invisible to pretty young things. Even if they don't want me, I want them to see me.
@the Engine
Oh my, you must be my long-lost 1/2 brother!
@Sparty
thanks for the lowdown on your weekly routine but really the selfie is OTT!
I am doing a 30 minute routine from Carmichael's 'Time Crunched Cyclist' book which is good. It's half core muscle work and half upper/lower body stuff.
Only thing I had to buy was a $12 resistance band. It has defo made a difference. Will keep doing the core exercises in the season.