Velominati’s Sock Height Calculator: Refining the Goldilocks Principle

Start Measuring

Firstly, all you kids, kindly get off my lawn. Especially you kids who wear too tall black socks with white cycling shoes. Get off my lawn and stop racing in my favorite bike races. There’s no call for that. Why should my Milan-Sanremo enjoyment be ruined by this? It’s a sunny day, no snow, no rain, white socks not good enough, eh? Riding along the Ligurian coast from Milan to Sanremo without two seconds consideration about sock selection, eh? Just thinking about Sock Height not good enough, EH?

Winnipegcyclechick’s stellar treatise on sock height should be required reading for everyone, even non-cyclists. People should have this knowledge. Mongols on the Steppes; Тийм ээ, тийм, би энэ оймс өндөр мэднэ.*

While we have lost the battle on sock color the final battles on height continues. We can use the VSP generator between VSP runs to work on other important 1st world problems. To this end, straight outta the Velominati bunker we have this: the sock height calculator.

S = A/π – √B ± (B/A) / (1/CS¹)

Where:

A= Lower leg length measured from inner ankle protuberance to top of the inner tibia in cm.
B= Distance between inner ankle protuberance to bottom of calf in cm.
S= Sock height measured above inner ankle protuberance in cm.
CS¹= Calf Shame factor on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 equals no shame (some pride) and 10 equals great shame (seppuku or calf implants are fantasized about equally).

The term CS¹ has become most controversial in peer review but most agree a correction factor should be available for individual taste.

*In English: Yes, Yes, I know of this sock height.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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View Comments

Gianni says:

Mar 26 2016 at 2:42 pm

@litvi

It’s much easier than all this.

Golden Ratio, Fibonacci Sequence, whatever you want to call it.

Top of the sock should be 38.196% of the distance from the bottom of your heel to the center of your knee, leaving 61.8033% exposed.

This all goes to maximizing the V (naturally). Don’t believe me? Go compare this to riders in your favorite reference photos.

See? It’s like science n shit.

Fucking genius! I'll pull the punch cards out of the VSP generator.
Gianni says:

Mar 26 2016 at 2:45 pm

@Buck Rogers

@fignons barber

@Buck Rogers

White and a bit above the malleolus (2-5 cm). That should be the end of the discussion, esp for Velominati.

Must we also wear terry cloth head bands and sport our cables with at least a 14 inch radius above the bars as well? Evolution of fashion. Socks between 9-12cm. If your legs are longer, pull the socks up. Shorter legs? Calf stretches and drink more milk.

Sock color? GQ states in fundamental dress: socks should always be as dark or DARKER than shoes. The only reason they wore white socks with black shoes is because colored athletic socks had not been invented yet. The dye would run into your feet causing serious injury and/or death. Fact.

Bullshit! When fashion reaches its apex, one should not try to change it. The discussion is socks, not head bands. Stay on target, Mate!

Bless You Bucky. You are just as old school as I am. I like your thought process...WWLBD. That keeps it all simple, unless it gets you into more shoving matches and fist fights.
Teocalli says:

Mar 26 2016 at 3:16 pm

Fashion and Good Taste (Class) are not necessarily the same thing (or even substitute - are seldom the same thing).
universo says:

Mar 26 2016 at 3:21 pm

@Gianni

no beer # factor involved with your equation

mathematicians around world are laughing
Oli says:

Mar 26 2016 at 3:40 pm

It's a little known fact that for men sock height is directly related to penis length. Do with that as you will.
Gianni says:

Mar 26 2016 at 3:58 pm

@Julio

Assuming A=45 cm; B= 25 cm…

http://fotos.subefotos.com/4e139939e06b990641df4938a6e9815co.png

You have mad excel skills. Well done.
Gianni says:

Mar 26 2016 at 4:01 pm

@Clank

I personally would recommend you ditch the entire curriculum on socks. You just know. Proper sick height is the Masonic secret handshake of the cyclist. It’s the secret decoder ring of the velominatus, the ‘Joe sent me’ of the sister and brotherhood of the road. If you can’t work it out from watching those who went before, do you even deserve the knowledge? Leave the slide rule in the desk. You just know.

Well, I'd like to ditch it but this tall sock thing has driven me to it. I'm forced out of my bunker into the blinding light of day to fight this fight. The Velominati are cool, I'm ranting to the masses here.
Gianni says:

Mar 26 2016 at 4:06 pm

@Winnipeg CycleChick

Gracias for the shout-out G. With your scientific prowess and my keen ability to colour things, we are unstoppable.

Our pleasure to promote your awesome colouring skills. They are razor sharp and my scientific prowess was questionable even when I was peaking. For some reason I can't resist falling back on a stupid formula for a laugh. I'm easily amused.
Buck Rogers says:

Mar 26 2016 at 4:39 pm

@Oli

It’s a little known fact that for men sock height is directly related to penis length. Do with that as you will.

Inversely proportionally, to a pont, and then it becomes proportion, right???
Oli says:

Mar 26 2016 at 4:43 pm

You know what they say; short socks, tiny penis...