Velominati’s Sock Height Calculator: Refining the Goldilocks Principle

Start Measuring

Firstly, all you kids, kindly get off my lawn. Especially you kids who wear too tall black socks with white cycling shoes. Get off my lawn and stop racing in my favorite bike races. There’s no call for that. Why should my Milan-Sanremo enjoyment be ruined by this? It’s a sunny day, no snow, no rain, white socks not good enough, eh? Riding along the Ligurian coast from Milan to Sanremo without two seconds consideration about sock selection, eh? Just thinking about Sock Height not good enough, EH?

Winnipegcyclechick’s stellar treatise on sock height should be required reading for everyone, even non-cyclists. People should have this knowledge. Mongols on the Steppes; Тийм ээ, тийм, би энэ оймс өндөр мэднэ.*

While we have lost the battle on sock color the final battles on height continues. We can use the VSP generator between VSP runs to work on other important 1st world problems. To this end, straight outta the Velominati bunker we have this: the sock height calculator.

S = A/π – √B ± (B/A) / (1/CS¹)

Where:

A= Lower leg length measured from inner ankle protuberance to top of the inner tibia in cm.
B= Distance between inner ankle protuberance to bottom of calf in cm.
S= Sock height measured above inner ankle protuberance in cm.
CS¹= Calf Shame factor on a scale of 1 to 10 where 1 equals no shame (some pride) and 10 equals great shame (seppuku or calf implants are fantasized about equally).

The term CS¹ has become most controversial in peer review but most agree a correction factor should be available for individual taste.

*In English: Yes, Yes, I know of this sock height.

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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View Comments

Beers says:

Apr 3 2016 at 9:08 pm

@Buck Rogers

@fignons barber

@Buck Rogers

White and a bit above the malleolus (2-5 cm). That should be the end of the discussion, esp for Velominati.

Must we also wear terry cloth head bands and sport our cables with at least a 14 inch radius above the bars as well? Evolution of fashion. Socks between 9-12cm. If your legs are longer, pull the socks up. Shorter legs? Calf stretches and drink more milk.

Sock color? GQ states in fundamental dress: socks should always be as dark or DARKER than shoes. The only reason they wore white socks with black shoes is because colored athletic socks had not been invented yet. The dye would run into your feet causing serious injury and/or death. Fact.

Bullshit! When fashion reaches its apex, one should not try to change it. The discussion is socks, not head bands. Stay on target, Mate!

Yes, clearly the headband is only there to hide the shit haircut you gave him..

And fuck me if that Renault team wasn't the strongest team in the history of the universe. By the power of Grayskull. Granted the GC riders back then could also ride one day races, but its like having the 3 top ranked riders of a generation in the same team. If you said Froome, Contador and Nibbles were in the same team, that would still leave out all the classics LF and BH put together at the same time. Or Sagan Contador and Boonen (when he was at his best, please prove me wrong in PR Tommeke!) you would achieve naught in the tours.

You couldn't even put that much awesome in the same bus these days for the explosion of pouty mouth, let alone have them ride for each other.
Oli says:

Apr 4 2016 at 5:16 am

@Marshall Ellis

You're completely wrong. The worst thing to happen to cycling is aero helmets worn by dudes who can't make 35kph on the flat.
Teocalli says:

Apr 4 2016 at 12:00 pm

@Beers

@Buck Rogers

@fignons barber

@Buck Rogers

White and a bit above the malleolus (2-5 cm). That should be the end of the discussion, esp for Velominati.

Must we also wear terry cloth head bands and sport our cables with at least a 14 inch radius above the bars as well? Evolution of fashion. Socks between 9-12cm. If your legs are longer, pull the socks up. Shorter legs? Calf stretches and drink more milk.

Sock color? GQ states in fundamental dress: socks should always be as dark or DARKER than shoes. The only reason they wore white socks with black shoes is because colored athletic socks had not been invented yet. The dye would run into your feet causing serious injury and/or death. Fact.

Bullshit! When fashion reaches its apex, one should not try to change it. The discussion is socks, not head bands. Stay on target, Mate!

Yes, clearly the headband is only there to hide the shit haircut you gave him..

And fuck me if that Renault team wasn’t the strongest team in the history of the universe. By the power of Grayskull. Granted the GC riders back then could also ride one day races, but its like having the 3 top ranked riders of a generation in the same team. If you said Froome, Contador and Nibbles were in the same team, that would still leave out all the classics LF and BH put together at the same time. Or Sagan Contador and Boonen (when he was at his best, please prove me wrong in PR Tommeke!) you would achieve naught in the tours.

You couldn’t even put that much awesome in the same bus these days for the explosion of pouty mouth, let alone have them ride for each other.

I was right with you till "let alone have them ride for each other" - not sure the facts bear that out!