I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
– Bill Hicks
That famous quote from the Greatest Comedian Of All Timeâ„¢ has resonated with me for many years. It became my silent mantra, as I don’t suffer fools gladly and sometimes don’t make much effort to conceal the fact. Lately, I’ve been trying harder to be more accepting of those who seem sent to test me, to try my patience, to see how far I need to be pushed before reaching breaking point and just coming out with an expletive-laden rant (or more likely just two words that have the same impact with much less output). But you know what? Fuck that.
When it comes to the riding group, the same principles apply: it doesn’t matter if our abilities are the same, because if I have to sit next to you and make mind-numbing, inane small talk for more than five minutes… well, this ain’t gonna work. Now, our tight-knit bunch has been refined over the nearly eight years I’ve been living in my adopted home city. There are some who drift in and out, but they are still a part of the group. Even if we don’t see them for months or years, they will easily slip back into the fold like a well-lubed sex doll (and if they find that kind of talk offensive, they’re slipping right out again). Sometimes, new recruits are either invited along or somehow just appear unannounced, possibly thinking that this is some kind of weird love-in where all are welcomed with an awkward hug and a patronising smile. We’re not the fucking church, ok?
So, what to do if this guy turns up? He’s been invited, so that’s ok, not his fault. You give him the once over, and alarm bells begin to ring: tri bike replete with aero bars, no socks, jogging shoes (combined with clipless pedals), a peaked helmet and board shorts over hairy legs. Well, you give him the benefit of the doubt, and introduce yourself. You afford him a chance, even as the sirens and flashing lights in your head are rapidly materialising into an angry migraine. Maybe he’ll break the ice with a fart joke or possess a stroke of such magnificent souplesse that he drops your ass on the first hill and you quickly disregard the myriad Rule violations. Who’s not to say that this day he just forgot all his riding gear, his real bike is in the shop getting a new Gruppo fitted, and he’s been on a week-long binge of hookers and blow and hasn’t had the time, inclination or requisite brain function to shave the ol’ guns. Reasonable excuses, one would think.
If it turns out that yeah, he can hang, but no, he doesn’t possess any bunch etiquette, but yes, he’s a decent chap, although no, he may not own an appropriate bike or cleated shoes and he’s not likely to shave/lose the visor/boardies of his own accord, yet hints at a similarly warped sense of humour and at least a couple of vices. A perplexing dilemma that gnaws away at you for the next week, until ride time rolls around again. What do I do? What do we do?
What would you do? Tolerate, integrate or expatriate?
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@wiscot
Exactly. And it echoes this...
@Ccos
So for @Al__S and @Jamie and anyone else out there worrying about offending someone else, meditate on the V, get over your ego (that part of you that doesn't want to be embarrassed), Rule #19, and start spreading the gospel of Merckx, De Vlaeminck, et al.
@Scott or the tone of your post.
On Maui there are always island visitors who show up for the Sunday ride. If they are ready to roll at 6am they are in. Our group ride is not a high performance thing and everyone gets sorted on the 5 km hill. As long as they are decent bike handlers I really don't care how badly they are conforming to the Rules. I've met some very interesting people who have bothered to find out our 6am start location.
Some of the regulars couldn't give a fuck about the Rules or Velominati or Cancellara but they need to ride and catch up with their friends. I'm thrilled with that too, they must think who is this poser we just dropped like a bag of nails on that f'ing long climb? It's Gianni!
Well,
As a fairly recent inductee to the sport I have some sympathy for the Fred. Not only did I have an EPMS dangling off the back of my saddle, but I bought another one to sit above the top tube and behind the headset for food and money and the like - doh! What a Fred.
I rode with some Class A hard men on some of those early club rides and none of them made me feel unwelcome or out of place. It was with their example and a genuine desire on my part to honour the traditions of cycling that quickly had me shelling out for proper kit, filling my back pockets with my gear and shaving my guns.
With these skeletons so freshly packed away in the old closet, I am happy to give anyone a fair chance to earn their place based on the merits of character and ability.
There is one fella that has fallen out of favour with one of the clubs that I ride with and it's certainly not for lack of style. The fella is young and handsome and always garbed in Rapha from head to toe. His bike is impeccable. But, the fucker has no fitness - the tempo gets high and out the back he goes. It's a no drop ride but he doesn't have the consideration to volunteer to take the short way home. Although at 15 years my junior he does make me feel a little bit good about myself.
We have to give these idiot at least the chance to see the light. Most have no idea how to act, kit up, or ride in a group. I was fortunate enough to have a true hardman take me under his wing when I was 16 and show me the way. In 1984, grape nut eating hippies on touring bikes were our nemesis, and he taught me to be a proper road racer. With the YGA and all the nonsense they can find on the internet, we have to give some of these Freds the benefit of the doubt, and try and show them the way.
Wow, are you reading my thoughts?
I went on my very first club ride today after buying a road bike about a year ago and owning a fixed gear for a year before that. Over that time i have gotten more serious about proper cycling and lost about 40 lbs.
So here i am in my shitty PearIIzumi closeout jersey, my cheap Performance shorts not bibs, wrong length socks and beat to shit mountain shoes and pedals because that's all i own. And a Catlike helmet because why the fuck not, i spent too much on that :). I have not shaved my legs yet -- I'm saving that, and some Bonts and 105 pedals as my reward for getting under 230 lbs if you can believe that. I at least (thanks to this site) keep all my crap in a jersey pocket. Riding a $1200 aluminum Felt because it's what i could afford.
I think some of you would have immediately rejected me out of hand for looking like a cheap rookie, which makes me sad. The guys on this ride took me aside after i kept going too hard off the front when it was my turn to pull (no computer and nervous about not slowing down the group) and gave me feedback on my pulls and etiquette. I stayed with the fast group the whole ride, which i was not thinking i'd be able to do, and felt enormously stoked. Like, over the moon happy all day.
I'm glad they took the time and were nice about it and I *will* get proper bibs and so forth when i can afford it and as time allows. It makes me want to go back on their weekend rides, which i had been avoiding because i was intimidated, and take more Wednesdays off.
Would it have been better if I showed up in full Castelli and a Dogma and got fired out the back in 5 minutes? I have been avoiding pissing wheelbarrows full of money up the wall until i know i'm serious and i can prove i can hang, rather than (in my mind) posing hard and being slow. I'd rather wear my relative newbiness on my sleeve until then. Maybe fix the sock length thing tho, that's pretty cheap and easy to do :).
@Scott
Well there you go!
@sinikl
Cycling is an odd sport where it's best not to have the absolute best equipment unless you can crush everyone with your awesomeness. Far better to have a better engine than equipment. Merckx knows we have all started out somewhere and outside of a trust fund, have started just as you. Bike Nasbar close-out items kept me clothed through my college years.
@sinikl welcome to the path. Good on the more experienced riders for showing you the way, and good on you for absorbing their knowledge. You should ride with them more: its not always easy to find experienced riders who are good at teaching those newer to the sport.
@sinikl
Yeah, dude, take a breath. It sounds to me like you're exactly the sort of new rider that experienced riders I'd respect would welcome and assist. A lot of people take the piss-taking and shit-talking around here too seriously. It's all in fun.
Congrats on the fitness gains, amigo! Fucking awesome.