I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
– Bill Hicks
That famous quote from the Greatest Comedian Of All Timeâ„¢ has resonated with me for many years. It became my silent mantra, as I don’t suffer fools gladly and sometimes don’t make much effort to conceal the fact. Lately, I’ve been trying harder to be more accepting of those who seem sent to test me, to try my patience, to see how far I need to be pushed before reaching breaking point and just coming out with an expletive-laden rant (or more likely just two words that have the same impact with much less output). But you know what? Fuck that.
When it comes to the riding group, the same principles apply: it doesn’t matter if our abilities are the same, because if I have to sit next to you and make mind-numbing, inane small talk for more than five minutes… well, this ain’t gonna work. Now, our tight-knit bunch has been refined over the nearly eight years I’ve been living in my adopted home city. There are some who drift in and out, but they are still a part of the group. Even if we don’t see them for months or years, they will easily slip back into the fold like a well-lubed sex doll (and if they find that kind of talk offensive, they’re slipping right out again). Sometimes, new recruits are either invited along or somehow just appear unannounced, possibly thinking that this is some kind of weird love-in where all are welcomed with an awkward hug and a patronising smile. We’re not the fucking church, ok?
So, what to do if this guy turns up? He’s been invited, so that’s ok, not his fault. You give him the once over, and alarm bells begin to ring: tri bike replete with aero bars, no socks, jogging shoes (combined with clipless pedals), a peaked helmet and board shorts over hairy legs. Well, you give him the benefit of the doubt, and introduce yourself. You afford him a chance, even as the sirens and flashing lights in your head are rapidly materialising into an angry migraine. Maybe he’ll break the ice with a fart joke or possess a stroke of such magnificent souplesse that he drops your ass on the first hill and you quickly disregard the myriad Rule violations. Who’s not to say that this day he just forgot all his riding gear, his real bike is in the shop getting a new Gruppo fitted, and he’s been on a week-long binge of hookers and blow and hasn’t had the time, inclination or requisite brain function to shave the ol’ guns. Reasonable excuses, one would think.
If it turns out that yeah, he can hang, but no, he doesn’t possess any bunch etiquette, but yes, he’s a decent chap, although no, he may not own an appropriate bike or cleated shoes and he’s not likely to shave/lose the visor/boardies of his own accord, yet hints at a similarly warped sense of humour and at least a couple of vices. A perplexing dilemma that gnaws away at you for the next week, until ride time rolls around again. What do I do? What do we do?
What would you do? Tolerate, integrate or expatriate?
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do you need sex lube, and fart jokes to be your way of vetting someone, I fucking hate this quallity in most Straight men, the whole fart,shit,dick,pussy, comedy bit is a little old,
@anthony
He's in New Zealand.
Anyone more advanced moves to Australia.
Brett went the other way.
@anthony
No, but it helps.
Gay jokes more your thing? Not that there's anything right with that...
So am I. Old enough to recognise narrative license and sarcasm, at least.
@edster99
Sorry, I don't understand the point of your post. He hurt himself (and thankfully none of your group) caught the train home and you are happy that someone who was game enough to put themselves out there, gave your bunch ride a crack, won't be coming back? If I have the general gist correct, that's one tough group.
@girl It does come across as a bit harsh I agree, but I think I get the idea.
Apart from the sheer luck that he hurt only himself, and not too badly, it's a problem that some people think they can turn up and run with the big dogs.
In most sports you have a fairly well-defined structure which moves you up according to your experience and talent - you don't just rock up and join a grade cricket squad or the first XV of the local rugby side in their training session. Yet one can find a club and join a ride which may have riders at a level far above one's own ability.
I think many of us are conflicted between appreciation for someone who gives it their best shot and has a go, against annoyance that we may have to compromise because they were either too macho or too stupid to recognise they should have started at a lower level.
In the case edster99 describes OK the guy got the train back, but presumably the group had to stop and wait, make sure he was OK, that he could get to the station and so on, plus the element that he could have hurt any of them had the accident been different.
It's a fine line between tolerance for trying and annoyance for intruding.
@ChrisO @girl I think the fact that someone is prepared to hook up for a 130-150 Km (80-95 mile) ride on the fly is either going to end well or very badly. Clearly we don't know the full scenario but I'd have thought a few questions around weekly mileage, typical ride length, ride time etc may have sorted it and avoided a lot of angst all round.
I think also it's easy to ignore the concertina effect in an emergency in a group. Just the other week I was out with two regular mates. Fortunately as it turned out we were not hammering it, I was leading and as we came round a tight bend in a narrow road with high hedgerows I espied yon horse. It was already starting to turn and shy as I came round the bend so I called horse to the others and braked firmly, mate 1 a split second later slammed on his brakes to avoid me and laid down 50 miles worth or rubber on the road, mate 2 being another split second later was doomed. In-off mate 1 and over the bars. Fortunately only superficial grazing.
@ChrisO
When there is too much funny business going on in a group ride I'll drop off the back and go for a different route -- and might recruit a few others to defect with me. The goal is to enjoy a good route with a good experience and good workout.
@Teocalli
Assume you're talking about your mate's condition after hitting the road, not the action of the horse...
Brett sound's like a right dick....
"Don't suffer fools gladly" Is code for you are a anal retentive muppet and can't see past the glare from your own asshole shining within your own planetary sphere.
Jeez let's get a bit of perspective, you aren't saving lives with miracle cutting edge medical marvels that only you can dream up.
You are riding a fucking bike.
Brett, you sound like a tremendous asshole. The best way for you to deal with a new rider is to not be a tremendous asshole.