I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
– Bill Hicks
That famous quote from the Greatest Comedian Of All Timeâ„¢ has resonated with me for many years. It became my silent mantra, as I don’t suffer fools gladly and sometimes don’t make much effort to conceal the fact. Lately, I’ve been trying harder to be more accepting of those who seem sent to test me, to try my patience, to see how far I need to be pushed before reaching breaking point and just coming out with an expletive-laden rant (or more likely just two words that have the same impact with much less output). But you know what? Fuck that.
When it comes to the riding group, the same principles apply: it doesn’t matter if our abilities are the same, because if I have to sit next to you and make mind-numbing, inane small talk for more than five minutes… well, this ain’t gonna work. Now, our tight-knit bunch has been refined over the nearly eight years I’ve been living in my adopted home city. There are some who drift in and out, but they are still a part of the group. Even if we don’t see them for months or years, they will easily slip back into the fold like a well-lubed sex doll (and if they find that kind of talk offensive, they’re slipping right out again). Sometimes, new recruits are either invited along or somehow just appear unannounced, possibly thinking that this is some kind of weird love-in where all are welcomed with an awkward hug and a patronising smile. We’re not the fucking church, ok?
So, what to do if this guy turns up? He’s been invited, so that’s ok, not his fault. You give him the once over, and alarm bells begin to ring: tri bike replete with aero bars, no socks, jogging shoes (combined with clipless pedals), a peaked helmet and board shorts over hairy legs. Well, you give him the benefit of the doubt, and introduce yourself. You afford him a chance, even as the sirens and flashing lights in your head are rapidly materialising into an angry migraine. Maybe he’ll break the ice with a fart joke or possess a stroke of such magnificent souplesse that he drops your ass on the first hill and you quickly disregard the myriad Rule violations. Who’s not to say that this day he just forgot all his riding gear, his real bike is in the shop getting a new Gruppo fitted, and he’s been on a week-long binge of hookers and blow and hasn’t had the time, inclination or requisite brain function to shave the ol’ guns. Reasonable excuses, one would think.
If it turns out that yeah, he can hang, but no, he doesn’t possess any bunch etiquette, but yes, he’s a decent chap, although no, he may not own an appropriate bike or cleated shoes and he’s not likely to shave/lose the visor/boardies of his own accord, yet hints at a similarly warped sense of humour and at least a couple of vices. A perplexing dilemma that gnaws away at you for the next week, until ride time rolls around again. What do I do? What do we do?
What would you do? Tolerate, integrate or expatriate?
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View Comments
@Beans
Irony!
Well the leap from the "suffering fools" quote to a description of full bore narcissism is quite a stretch. Otherwise your point holds true for most things said over the inter-web, including this comment.
@teleguy57
Ah yes - pun not intended there!
When I started, I had one bike that doubled as my commuter. I stumped up some cash for some cheap light wheels and GP4000's, switched them in at weekends and started turning up to bunch rides. I tried hard to find an accepting bunch.
I had poor fitting, $10 from a flea market store shirt and bibs, hairy legs, hand me down helmet.
My bike retained the fenders and pannier rack, as I needed that for my commute during the week, and proudly flaunted its triple crank.
I tell you what, I really learnt a lot about the mysterious 'roadies'.
I learnt that mostly, WE are a judgemental pack of wankers who love nothing more than to snigger under their breaths at people for fashion crimes.
I never got dropped.
So in short, fuck them, and fuck you if you are a judgemental wanker. I learnt a lesson in humility as there is nothing like being a victim of tight budget and having people back stab you and never saying hello.
Assume all you want about me, I now look fantastic on the bike, and self taught since no other wanker was going to help me despite using my best manners and puppy dog eyes...
It taught me to always make an effort to be friendly to others on the bike.
I know what kind of bike rider I want to be, and I also know what kind of bike rider that cycling needs in order to grow.
This isn't the fucking SAS, we need all the people we can get out there, and so should encourage, teach and even preach as much as we can. And accept there will always be those that don't and won't meet your standards as a bike rider, but all the while remember that is ok too, and that you don't have to be a dick about it!
Else you are a grumpy closed minded exclusionist, who I am happy just rides on their own, because that is where you should stay!
@Beers You've really lost it.
@unversio
It sounds like @Beers and @Beans should get together for some beans and beer.
@DeKerr
Which then may lead to both fart jokes and other things...
@unversio
Nah, just saying tis better to not be a judgemental dick and to help people, show them the way rather than shun them away.
And my little story was to illustrate that I would have given up if it were not for my own stubbornness at ignoring the ignorance of my peers. And that I hope you guys aren't like that.
That's all.
@Beers Couldn't agree more. Some of the group conformation is legit. The other part is solid b.s. The more people riding bicycles, the better.
@Beers
*nervously puts his hand up*
I rode my first sportive a few weeks ago, on a cheap road/commuter hybrid (Giant Rapid) with flat bars and mudguards (I did take the pannier rack off, but just for the day).
I felt like a massive lemon, waiting to start with all these shaved, lycra-d 'proper' roadies with bikes worth twice my car (I saw a Pinarello Dogma at the start line).
At my distance, I came 2nd.
It's all about the engine.
I was a runner for 20+ years and in several clubs over the years and NEVER saw any kind of judgement of skill level or dress. In fact, in one club, there were several Olympians who went out of their way to be encouraging and supportive.
When I switched to cycling about 7 years ago, my my, the attitude. The thing is, this "attitude" usually comes from the wannabes. The greats don't have to and won't play that silly game. If I take an example from elite running, Paula Radcliffe does not put down runners slower than her, neither does Haile Gebrselassie, or Mo Farrah.
I am fairly certain that Chris Froome does not feel the need to denigrate slower riders or the average Joe for their bike/dress etc.
Grow up!!