I don’t mean to sound bitter, cold, or cruel, but I am, so that’s how it comes out.
– Bill Hicks
That famous quote from the Greatest Comedian Of All Timeâ„¢ has resonated with me for many years. It became my silent mantra, as I don’t suffer fools gladly and sometimes don’t make much effort to conceal the fact. Lately, I’ve been trying harder to be more accepting of those who seem sent to test me, to try my patience, to see how far I need to be pushed before reaching breaking point and just coming out with an expletive-laden rant (or more likely just two words that have the same impact with much less output). But you know what? Fuck that.
When it comes to the riding group, the same principles apply: it doesn’t matter if our abilities are the same, because if I have to sit next to you and make mind-numbing, inane small talk for more than five minutes… well, this ain’t gonna work. Now, our tight-knit bunch has been refined over the nearly eight years I’ve been living in my adopted home city. There are some who drift in and out, but they are still a part of the group. Even if we don’t see them for months or years, they will easily slip back into the fold like a well-lubed sex doll (and if they find that kind of talk offensive, they’re slipping right out again). Sometimes, new recruits are either invited along or somehow just appear unannounced, possibly thinking that this is some kind of weird love-in where all are welcomed with an awkward hug and a patronising smile. We’re not the fucking church, ok?
So, what to do if this guy turns up? He’s been invited, so that’s ok, not his fault. You give him the once over, and alarm bells begin to ring: tri bike replete with aero bars, no socks, jogging shoes (combined with clipless pedals), a peaked helmet and board shorts over hairy legs. Well, you give him the benefit of the doubt, and introduce yourself. You afford him a chance, even as the sirens and flashing lights in your head are rapidly materialising into an angry migraine. Maybe he’ll break the ice with a fart joke or possess a stroke of such magnificent souplesse that he drops your ass on the first hill and you quickly disregard the myriad Rule violations. Who’s not to say that this day he just forgot all his riding gear, his real bike is in the shop getting a new Gruppo fitted, and he’s been on a week-long binge of hookers and blow and hasn’t had the time, inclination or requisite brain function to shave the ol’ guns. Reasonable excuses, one would think.
If it turns out that yeah, he can hang, but no, he doesn’t possess any bunch etiquette, but yes, he’s a decent chap, although no, he may not own an appropriate bike or cleated shoes and he’s not likely to shave/lose the visor/boardies of his own accord, yet hints at a similarly warped sense of humour and at least a couple of vices. A perplexing dilemma that gnaws away at you for the next week, until ride time rolls around again. What do I do? What do we do?
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This conversation is embarrassing. Seriously.
Stop yapping and go ride your bikes. If someone's not following the rules, then you sure as hell had better ride them right the fuck off of your wheel before you cast the slightest bit of judgement. And even then, you're probably wrong.
I follow to rules, because I have seen and love the path. I could give a fuck what anyone else does as long as they obey Rule V.
@PeakInTwoYears Dude you know how the internet is, all "feelings explode into a vaccum". Was not trying to get too emo on it, but i do have shitty gear.
Mainly i'm just stoked about today but I felt the need to comment because i'm basically sort of That Guy except it went really great for me, and i'm happy about that. I got Rule 3'd today and loved it.
This is kinda the part where I suck. Which is kinda shitty because it was not so long ago (two years) where I was showing up on a mountain bike, gym shorts and tennis shoes for the LBS weekly road ride. I was riden into the ground, even after getting my hands on a real rode bike, I was still punished by the group's pace. EPMS, hairy legs, stack of spacers under my stem, visor, so on and so forth. But, I changed. I got stronger, faster, lighter. Shaved the guns, slammed the stem.... Pinned on some numbers a year ago, and here we are. Giving dudes the once over, thumbs up or down, and judging accordingly. But I do this in life too.
Basically it is like this. If someone turns up an ass, I am an even bigger ass. I don't like it, but its who I am and I've come to accept it. You can ride me off your wheel, or weeble wobble your bike and consume all the road space on your way to being spit out the back. If you're funny, down to earth, we can deal and have fun. But if you're a self absorbed ass hat, I don't give a fuck if you're the local racing god or week night shop ride beginner, I will not acknowledge your existence on this rock we're spinning around on.
So I guess for Fred, unless its a World's night and we're trying to drop their ass, I don't deal. I ignore.
Fred
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=rxEQ8uz7D_oo
@Ccos
This. Sums up nicely.
Its that Fat Bike boys you gotta watch out for ! Couple of my acquaintances have been know to rock up to a group ride with baggies on and smash the daylights out of us roadies. One memorable trip up Willunga Hill and across the range last Summer whereby the bunch in front of us did a double take as we approached at 40km/h. They must have thought it was a big SUV behind them. Two Fat bikes and 6 Roadies coming up behind them.
@sinikl
I have been on rides with a guy who is 200+ lbs, and is usually the first guy off the back and riding a steller high end bike. He has perspective and a sense of humor. I like this guy, and have hung with him for recovery brews. I also ride with another 200+ lbs guy who for the life of me I cannot figure out why he keeps coming around. He is virtually hated by all. When a hill is coming, he goes up to or as near the front as he can get and opens huge gaps, sits in all day and rolls up to contest the sprints, and otherwise just rides like a complete douche. But he happens to be freight train strong, and hard as hell to shake unless the ground gets good and steep.
This is one areaarea where its not about the bike, its about the chap on top of it. Or even the dome atop the chap. Just have a good head about yourself, and all will be well in all things V.
I can't address all of the comments individually, but some get it completely, others partially, some not at all.
See where I say the guy could hang? That he was a nice chap? That he wasn't rejected before a pedal was turned because of his gear? Or did you miss that part?
No-one tried to drop him to prove a point. He was welcomed by everyone, then when he was leaving gaps, looking around and wobbling about, we offered advice, politely, and he was willing to take it and ask questions. The point some of you are missing is that having the willingness to learn, listen, and not be a dick is better than being a Team Sky-replica/wannabe and not being able to ride at all and then being a dick when given some friendly hints.
@sinikl
Right on. A good day, then.
We're all (finally, more or less) in the same boat re: gear and social status and all that extrinsic stuff--even the folks who are lucky enough to be able to spend a lot more agonize about it all. Spend enough time in the boat, and you ought to realize that and welcome people aboard with a sense of humor.
Hang around.
@sinikl I think the point is, if you show up and look like a rookie, be cool. We've all every one of us been there. If you show up and look completely pro, be cool. Most of us haven't been there. If a person is cool, it doesn't much matter what he or she rides.
Around here there's a guy who comes on the Saturday rides on an old steel frame, chapeau, and toe clips. God help me if he doesn't rip legs off every week. There are also some rock crushers I've ridden with, and damn if those guys aren't stronger than crap. The point is be cool, take advice when constructively given, and get better over time.
@Ccos We had a guy like this show up on the Tuesday/Thursday evening rides and big ol' steel frame and all he could put the hammer down, and hang with the bunch. (Could be the same guy - the club listserve found him shoes pedals and cleated shoes, if I recall.) There's a world of difference between embarrassing yourself because of what you look like and embarrassing yourself because of how you ride. I think if you can ride, you can look like a fool - all the better that you're open to refinement.