Cyclists can (and usually do) go on for hours as to why they ride their bikes, and most of their reasons can sound, well, a bit flakey to anyone not enamored with shaved legs and being done up in lycra. “I do it to keep fit”, “It keeps me slim”, “I’m a competitor, I love to race”, “It’s the freedom it gives me, an escape from the day to day”. Ok, maybe a few of those are somewhat justifible, but we all know why we really ride; so we can drink beer. And if you are tutting and pffting at that statement, then you probably don’t belong here. Cycling and beer are kindred spirits, inseperable, like Moore and Cook, Hall and Oates, Fränk and Andy, Gunderson and lying.
You need look no further for proof than Belgium. It’s where both beer and cycling were invented (I don’t know if that’s actually true, but the Belgians do both better than most so I’m running with it). Any Cyclist or beer drinker worth their malt will always look to Belgium for the very best of their craft. We’re talking Merckx, Duvel, Van Looy, Leffe, Boonen, Chimay, Museeuw and Malteni. Try and tell me any of those names don’t conjur up greatness.
Malteni, you ask? Why yes… this has to be one of my favourite Belgian beers, and not only because there is an almost endless supply of it catered for on Keepers Tour. You could offer me all the Budweiser at the ToC or Vic Bitter at the TDU that I could drink, and I’d probably choose to go dry. But at the end of a day of being pummeled by pavé or crushed by kasseien and bergs, a cold Malteni is the proverbial icing on the cobbled cake. Got a long day of spectating ahead on the Oude Kwaremont? A backpack full of the malted goodness will keep you in fine fettle and make the frites even tastier. We tested it on real live Flandrians and all were suitably impressed (then suitably disappointed when we refused a chaser). The kicker? Its gluten-free, which means it will make you live longer the more of it you drink. And there’s no hangover. Believe me, we tried.
As cycling isn’t about just riding, beer isn’t about just drinking (or drinking to get drunk, a concept largely lost on anyone swilling Bud, VB or Tui). It is about the senses; the effects we get from both riding a finely tuned bicycle and imbibing a quality ale are quite similar. Bikes and beer both look good, they smell good, and they provide us a cerebral and physical euphoria that at once relaxes and stimulates us. Enjoying both activities, in tandem, in the motherland is like reaching the cyclists’ nirvana. Yes, I’m looking forward to meeting up with old and new friends and riding the storied roads of the Monuments with The Lion this April, but if there were no Malteni at the end of each day, then the Belgian experience just wouldn’t be completely and genuinely Belgian.
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Hear hear! Weirdly, I spent nine months living and drinking in Brussels and never once tried Malteni. Two of my favorite beer anecdotes from that time: a comment by a Belgian friend that Stella Artois was farmers' beer, something that appears to be lost on Americans who consider it to be oh so sophistique. And, the introduction of my English friend to Belgian beer, which acted as a gateway beer to the more pedestrian lagers we drank back then in England (up until then he rather suspiciously only drank Smirnnoff Ice).
@The Potato Man
This...you could threaten to take a sledgehammer to #1 & I'd still not let that Victorian swill touch my lips!
It's also sold as "Brunehaut." I think the Amber is the same as Malteni. It's available some places in California. And maybe other states and countries soon?
https://twitter.com/Brunehaut_Beer
@The Potato Man
Yes, that was the point; I'd drink Coopers Sparkling no problem (and have done a lot when in Aus), but you'd have to force a VB down my gullet.
VB is alright, in the right circumstances and always better than Fosters.
We used to consume large quantities of it, often with lime, when I lived in Darwin. I couldn't imagine doing the same with Coopers.
@ChrisO
You put lime in VB, in Darwin, and lived to tell the tale?
Lime has no place in any beer, except obviously Corona because water tastes better with some citrus added.
Not even real lime - lime cordial. It's pretty common, or was when I was there 20 years ago.
In those days the houses didn't have air conditioning so anything conducive to sinking more beer, faster, was perfectly acceptable. Mind you we were also stoned most of the time so it didn't seem very odd.
Those were the days when people in the Territory would measure a trip by the number of beers you would need to take with you in the car, and the roads outside of the main towns had no speed limits (because they were basically straight lines about 500km long). God knows how I survived.
@ChrisO
fuck yeah!
Belgium? OK I do quite like the place, but the bicycle was invented in Scotland (or that's Schkottland if you are an ex-Bond actor) and I live 5 miles away from Stonehaven ,birthplace of Robert Thomson who invented the pneumatic tyre, with banknotes (another Scottish invention) giving me the ability to indulge my carbone on Battaglin goodness. Being a winter rider in Scotland invokes Rule 5 just by definition. Scotland has 40% of the wind resource of the EU and still packs in leg sapping lungbuster mountains to boot. Surely after downing some "Bitter and Twisted" and maybe a "Trashy Blonde" a dram is the finest embodiment of the spirit of the V.
Great article, but...
Belgium? OK I do quite like the place, but the bicycle was invented in Scotland (or that's Schkottland if you are an ex-Bond actor) and I live 5 miles away from Stonehaven, birthplace of Robert Thomson who invented the pneumatic tyre, with banknotes (another Scottish invention) giving me the ability to indulge my carbone on Battaglin goodness. Being a winter rider in Scotland invokes Rule 5 just by definition. Scotland has 40% of the wind resource of the EU and still packs in leg sapping lungbuster mountains to boot. Surely after downing some "Bitter and Twisted" and maybe a "Trashy Blonde" a dram is the finest embodiment of the spirit of the V.