We are a sick lot. We have no morals whatsoever. I understand why others are wary of us, why café patrons reel in disgust, why real men driving utes want us dead. We attempt to assimilate while at the same time exhibiting no shame of our middle-aged bodies swathed in a thin shield of no real protection (for us or their eyes). We tell each other how good or Fantastic we look, and anyone overhearing our conversations must be highly amused yet deeply unsettled. And we openly ogle others’ loves without any sense of chagrin or fear of retribution, often in groups at privately organised, invite-only gatherings. Frequently we touch them.

We should be locked up.

The invite arrived unexpectedly, as these things tend to. Anticipation built; it was like I was being admitted to the inner sanctum of some secret society. 2pm Saturday, bring your most exotic companion/s. Descriptions of others’ lovers were used as a tease, to entice. It worked. The clever deployment of a decoy in the form of a Vespa convention out front kept the normal people at bay. I was content among those who shared my egregious fetish. Metal and rubber abounded, and surrounded us. The Ringleader, speaking in hushed tones with an accent either manufactured or not of the local dialect, ushered me and my dates quickly inside, settling them in positions which seemed pre-ordained, away from each other, yet allowing mingling with their own kind. We stood. We looked. We made awkward conversation. “Is she yours?” “Yeah mate…” “Nice. Can I…” I never know what to say, I want to share, but? “Yeah, sure…”

I hurried home and scrubbed myself and my companions clean. All that remained was that idelible mark within, one not seen by the untrained eye but ridiculously obvious to those who know. The ones I’d left behind, but are always there. Watching.

Brett

Don't blame me

View Comments

  • Pure porn. Whew. And, that's done absolutely nothing to quell my current obsession.

    Even the dog has to look away...

  • Nice essay and even better pics to accompany. The Mavic-shod Bottecchia is one of the best looking steeds ever, along with the Motorola Merckx. But, I have to wonder....Dura-Ace AX brakes on an obviously large Merckx frame? Was the Merckx piloted by a great rider who really had no need for brakes that worked? Or only ridden uphill on Sundays to the Madonna del Ghisallo by a rather tall little old lady?

  • How did they smell? Clean and antiseptic (they're all so clean!) or sweet and musty like they still get an outing or at least fresh rubber and a spot of lube?

    That Bottecchia is gorgeous. The rear mech alone is carbone worthy - and let's not talk about the crankset..

  • If you weren't tested beforehand, today you should urgently get clearance, Clarence.

  • @wiscot

    That Bottecchia is gorgeous. The rear mech alone is carbone worthy – and let’s not talk about the crankset..

    Oh, yeah...the rear derailleur is industrial yet simple perfection. Perfect combo to the retrofriction shift levers. The Mavic cranksets were oh so sweet, though. Best part was the first time you picked one up and realized that besides looking great it was super light. Oh, lets not forget the cartridge BB....smoooth as buttah!!

  • Jesus wept. I was not ready for that AT ALL. I'd off now to chase that ex- Jan Ullrich Telekom Pinarello that was for sale....!

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