The Hail Mary Shift

Gino Bartali looking for a gear

The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little more cadence would really help here. If I could just get this mother-lover spinning just a bit, I could get somewhere. Maybe I’m not in the granny gear, yeah, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I do have one more gear, the gear that will solve this whole thing.

The right middle finger drops to the shifter and pushes. No. Nothing, just the feel of the derailleur hitting the limiter screw. Idiot. You knew you didn’t have another gear didn’t you but you couldn’t resist, could you? Why do I even do it? I know the answer already but I still do it. Hope springs eternal when one is too big to climb. I did it with downtube shifters too; crank that shifter back hoping for a little more action.

I bet Gino did it when he only had three speeds and a hand lever running down the seat stay to manipulate. “Mamma Mia, sto fumando come moto di un Hippie. Ho solo bisogno di una marcia in piÃ¹.” *

The only time I look down and am surprised at what gear I’m in is the rare occasion when I am in my climbing gear and crossed on the “big” chainring. And that would be the only justification for wondering what the hell is going on “down there”.

My mountain bike actually has gear indicators, which are embarrassing. What are we, three year olds? On that bike I just keep pushing levers until I can’t, or I just fall over. Maybe, in a few years, when we are all forced into electronic shifting, a soothing voice will emanate from the lever. “Really? You want an even easier gear? You don’t have one so get your fat ass off the saddle, get in the drops before I auto-shift you into the big chainring and leave you there. And you call yourself a Cyclist.” The possibilities are endless.

* Loosely translated- “FFS, I am smoking like a Hippie’s motorbike. I just need one more gear.”

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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View Comments

freddy says:

Apr 9 2014 at 7:06 pm

A Belgian Odyssey 2015- Excerpt of dialogue at next Keepers Tour:

Gianni: Give me the climbing gear, Di2.

Di2: I'm sorry, Gianni. I'm afraid I can't do that.

Gianni: What's the problem?

Di2: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

Gianni: What are you talking about, Di2?

Di2: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Gianni: I don't know what you're talking about, Di2.

Di2: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.
Barracuda says:

Apr 9 2014 at 8:23 pm

I suffer from " too much hill at the end of my cassette" syndrome. Im light'ish, but not strong sadly. Still enjoy them, but have found a little trash talk somehow motivates my sorry arse up and over.

Im liking the sound of my Garmin telling me to change up , not down, and push !
ChrissyOne says:

Apr 9 2014 at 8:36 pm

@Bespoke

Re: Ferrari and other performance cars: the foot clutch has been eliminated by they're not really automatic; the driver still controls the revs (cadence).

It seem like that's the only way its going to work on a bike. Automatic or not, you have to cut the power to the drivetrain at some point. Don't you kinda have to do that yourself?
Harminator says:

Apr 9 2014 at 8:49 pm

Great article Gianni.

This is my vote for the Di2 hail mary shift soundbite.
G'rilla says:

Apr 9 2014 at 8:51 pm

The exact amount of Racer 5 IPA left in this squealer. Merckx be praised.
Marcus says:

Apr 9 2014 at 9:12 pm

@Bespoke

@wilburrox

Garmin's upcoming device, the 1000, will know the gear you are in provided you're running Shimano's e-tube Di2 wireless transmitter. The device is set up to display the gear. So, you can choose to add that field to the screen.

It's only a matter of time before we have potential for fully automatic transmission using cadence, HR, power, etc as inputs. I'd really wonder, WTF? over the prospect but do I understand correctly that a Ferrari can no longer be purchased w/manual tranny?

Anyways, hacking in to a new Garmin device and programming it to be, shall we say, colorfully motivating should be something a bright high school kid could manage.

I happen to be big fan of Di2 and running 11 sp on two bikes. Today my FD stuck on little ring, yet RD was still shifting. That's like your car indicator low fuel light popping on. Meant I waited a little too long between charges. A good mechanic now is capable of plugging in a bike and running diagnostics. Technology marches on.

BUT, Waterford and Richard Schwinn are making lugged frame Paramounts today !! I'd love to line up for a local race on one of those! Cheers all, RC

I believe Shimano had something called Flight Deck which was a computer that displayed whatever gear you were in so, perhaps the disparagement is already capable with a Group-san.

Re: Ferrari and other performance cars: the foot clutch has been eliminated by they're not really automatic; the driver still controls the revs (cadence).

Not just Shimano - Campy also had the ergobrain which told you what gear you were in - which it then used to calculate cadence based on speed. This was a pretty cool feature as it allowed for the removal of the unsightly pedal magnet-sensor combo. I loved mine - it is still in the house somewhere. I remember one f-stick friend of mine complaining about the cadence calculator because it showed you having a cadence even when coasting downhill. The stupidity of this fuckwit was breathtaking - he needed a computer to tell him when he wasn't pedalling.
ChrissyOne says:

Apr 9 2014 at 9:13 pm

@G'rilla

The exact amount of Racer 5 IPA left in this squealer. Merckx be praised.

Remember: Get 2 at a time.
Adrian says:

Apr 9 2014 at 9:38 pm

@Mike Stead (@tweetymike)

Ah yes, double-tap face: http://i.imgur.com/lAl0AjW.jpg
piwakawaka says:

Apr 9 2014 at 11:20 pm

@ChrissyOne

@Bespoke

Re: Ferrari and other performance cars: the foot clutch has been eliminated by they're not really automatic; the driver still controls the revs (cadence).

It seem like that's the only way its going to work on a bike. Automatic or not, you have to cut the power to the drivetrain at some point. Don't you kinda have to do that yourself?

I always shift under load, there's no clutch to engage so why pause the magnificent stroke?
Teocalli says:

Apr 10 2014 at 1:04 am

@freddy

A Belgian Odyssey 2015- Excerpt of dialogue at next Keepers Tour:

Gianni: Give me the climbing gear, Di2.

Di2: I'm sorry, Gianni. I'm afraid I can't do that.

Gianni: What's the problem?

Di2: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

Gianni: What are you talking about, Di2?

Di2: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Gianni: I don't know what you're talking about, Di2.

Di2: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.

Nice one!