The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little more cadence would really help here. If I could just get this mother-lover spinning just a bit, I could get somewhere. Maybe I’m not in the granny gear, yeah, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I do have one more gear, the gear that will solve this whole thing.
The right middle finger drops to the shifter and pushes. No. Nothing, just the feel of the derailleur hitting the limiter screw. Idiot. You knew you didn’t have another gear didn’t you but you couldn’t resist, could you? Why do I even do it? I know the answer already but I still do it. Hope springs eternal when one is too big to climb. I did it with downtube shifters too; crank that shifter back hoping for a little more action.
I bet Gino did it when he only had three speeds and a hand lever running down the seat stay to manipulate. “Mamma Mia, sto fumando come moto di un Hippie. Ho solo bisogno di una marcia in più.” *
The only time I look down and am surprised at what gear I’m in is the rare occasion when I am in my climbing gear and crossed on the “big” chainring. And that would be the only justification for wondering what the hell is going on “down there”.
My mountain bike actually has gear indicators, which are embarrassing. What are we, three year olds? On that bike I just keep pushing levers until I can’t, or I just fall over. Maybe, in a few years, when we are all forced into electronic shifting, a soothing voice will emanate from the lever. “Really? You want an even easier gear? You don’t have one so get your fat ass off the saddle, get in the drops before I auto-shift you into the big chainring and leave you there. And you call yourself a Cyclist.” The possibilities are endless.
* Loosely translated- “FFS, I am smoking like a Hippie’s motorbike. I just need one more gear.”
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View Comments
@Gianni
I should have said "fall off" not "climb off" - clearly to climb off requires some residual strength and traction.
@freddy
Oh my... I simply had to quote this one more time - f***ing brilliant! While reading it, I can almost, in my 'mind's ear', hear the metallic voice of HAL pronouncing this piece of poetry. Well done, sir. Oh, and Gianni: great article.
@Gianni
It is only permissible to walk up a hill that has beaten you in your socks - we wouldn't want you to enjoy the experience or indeed feel any relief as you will become weak and therefore useless as a Velominatus.
@ErikdR
What was strange is that I found myself using HALs voice mentally before I realised the context! How weird is that?
Sram's Doubletap already does this when you're in the littlest gear and reach for a downshift. It's a feature!
It was smoggy here today, the wind I often curse at least clears out our valley. I found my-self stabbing at my lever in vain un-able to fucking breath. While I may be built for climbing, enviromental conditions made me feel 5 kilo's heavier, I hate the fucking wind, but at least I can breath, and I am not reduced to the ''Hail Mary Shift''. Awesome article.
Cheers, Ride safe
@Pedale.Forchetta
Grazie. I'm not sure that is a proper Italian translation but I do love it, and it is most likely more fun to say in Italian too.
This ought to do it. Removed 22, 23 from a straight block 14-23 and put a 23-26 spider on the back. And chainrings 42/52 is now 39/53. Knowing I'll run into this 26, your article will have my mindset "better" situated.
I just Pantanied a climb or two today, stayed in the big ring and hauled ass...until I had to not Pantani anymore. Still, a little Pantani is better than no Pantani.
@ChrissyOne
Cut the power to the drivetrain on the bike (bicycle) while shifting, for sure. With a double clutch car: power on, through the shifts. Not sure if that's what you meant but my post wasn't that clear either.