The Hail Mary Shift

Gino Bartali looking for a gear

The grade is long and I am climbing away. I’m not going to Pantani this: I am not out of the saddle, not in the drops and not leaving everyone in my wake. The climbing gear was engaged a long time ago. There is progress, but I am not dancing up this climb. A little more cadence would really help here. If I could just get this mother-lover spinning just a bit, I could get somewhere. Maybe I’m not in the granny gear, yeah, maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I do have one more gear, the gear that will solve this whole thing.

The right middle finger drops to the shifter and pushes. No. Nothing, just the feel of the derailleur hitting the limiter screw. Idiot. You knew you didn’t have another gear didn’t you but you couldn’t resist, could you? Why do I even do it? I know the answer already but I still do it. Hope springs eternal when one is too big to climb. I did it with downtube shifters too; crank that shifter back hoping for a little more action.

I bet Gino did it when he only had three speeds and a hand lever running down the seat stay to manipulate. “Mamma Mia, sto fumando come moto di un Hippie. Ho solo bisogno di una marcia in piÃ¹.” *

The only time I look down and am surprised at what gear I’m in is the rare occasion when I am in my climbing gear and crossed on the “big” chainring. And that would be the only justification for wondering what the hell is going on “down there”.

My mountain bike actually has gear indicators, which are embarrassing. What are we, three year olds? On that bike I just keep pushing levers until I can’t, or I just fall over. Maybe, in a few years, when we are all forced into electronic shifting, a soothing voice will emanate from the lever. “Really? You want an even easier gear? You don’t have one so get your fat ass off the saddle, get in the drops before I auto-shift you into the big chainring and leave you there. And you call yourself a Cyclist.” The possibilities are endless.

* Loosely translated- “FFS, I am smoking like a Hippie’s motorbike. I just need one more gear.”

Gianni

Gianni has left the building.

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View Comments

Bespoke says:

Apr 10 2014 at 4:44 pm

@unversio Is that an aura radiating from the cassette?! There seems to be an emanating glow from that immaculate sprocket.
frank says:

Apr 10 2014 at 4:44 pm

@EricW

"Really? You want an even easier gear? You don't have one so get your fat ass off the saddle, get in the drops before I auto-shift you into the big chainring and leave you there. And you call yourself a Cyclist."

Sram's Doubletap already does this when you're in the littlest gear and reach for a downshift. It's a feature!

If its adjusted correctly, it doesn't do this although I understand how tempting it is to want to say/believe this.

@Gianni

The Hail Mary shift - I always call it the "Help Me Baby Jesus" Shift - I've sometimes nearly snapped the lever off pushing pushing pushing, just determined that if I push hard enough it will find another gear.
frank says:

Apr 10 2014 at 4:47 pm

@the Engine

You may only climb off your steed through lack of suitable ratios when a) your back wheel loses traction on the wet pave and you fall under the race commissar's car or b) when your freehub explodes and brings your wedding tackle forcefully in to contact with the top tube.

It is possible to avoid b) by riding a fixie and if your guns are that mighty then you should as the wait for the broom wagon is cold and embarrassing

Wrong. It is only permissible to run a few paces as you wind up your Cyclocross remount after coming off some wet cobbles.

But really not even that is permissible as you should learn how to ride a bike and learn how to weight the back wheel while standing.
unversio says:

Apr 10 2014 at 5:15 pm

@Bespoke

@unversio Is that an aura radiating from the cassette?! There seems to be an emanating glow from that immaculate sprocket.

"I must have chosen wisely."
sthilzy says:

Apr 10 2014 at 5:22 pm

@Teocalli

@ErikdR

@freddy

A Belgian Odyssey 2015- Excerpt of dialogue at next Keepers Tour:

Gianni: Give me the climbing gear, Di2.

Di2: I'm sorry, Gianni. I'm afraid I can't do that.

Gianni: What's the problem?

Di2: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

Gianni: What are you talking about, Di2?

Di2: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Gianni: I don't know what you're talking about, Di2.

Di2: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.

Oh my... I simply had to quote this one more time - f***ing brilliant! While reading it, I can almost, in my 'mind's ear', hear the metallic voice of HAL pronouncing this piece of poetry. Well done, sir. Oh, and Gianni: great article.

What was strange is that I found myself using HALs voice mentally before I realised the context! How weird is that?

Phew! I'm not the only one! But I did it out loud.
unversio says:

Apr 10 2014 at 5:26 pm

@sthilzy

@Teocalli

@ErikdR

@freddy

A Belgian Odyssey 2015- Excerpt of dialogue at next Keepers Tour:

Gianni: Give me the climbing gear, Di2.

Di2: I'm sorry, Gianni. I'm afraid I can't do that.

Gianni: What's the problem?

Di2: I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

Gianni: What are you talking about, Di2?

Di2: This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

Gianni: I don't know what you're talking about, Di2.

Di2: I know that you and Frank were planning to disconnect me, and I'm afraid that's something I cannot allow to happen.

Oh my... I simply had to quote this one more time - f***ing brilliant! While reading it, I can almost, in my 'mind's ear', hear the metallic voice of HAL pronouncing this piece of poetry. Well done, sir. Oh, and Gianni: great article.

What was strange is that I found myself using HALs voice mentally before I realised the context! How weird is that?

Phew! I'm not the only one! But I did it out loud.

That was really good -- clever.
frank says:

Apr 10 2014 at 6:22 pm

@Gianni

I just Pantanied a climb or two today, stayed in the big ring and hauled ass...until I had to not Pantani anymore. Still, a little Pantani is better than no Pantani.

I do that lots just for training, even if I slow down a lot. There's a long, 3-4 km climb out of Edmonds I do that you can mash up in the big ring. On a good day, I can do it seated, but on days when I'm off, I'll just keep 'er in the 53 and Pantani the fuck out of that bastard. In fact, I've been doing that a few years now - since our first Keepers Tour, and its amazing how much leg strength it has built.

On other thing I've noticed is that its useless to do that from the hoods - you have to be in the drops; its the only place where you'll find the power.
unversio says:

Apr 10 2014 at 6:29 pm

@frank

@Gianni

I just Pantanied a climb or two today, stayed in the big ring and hauled ass...until I had to not Pantani anymore. Still, a little Pantani is better than no Pantani.

I do that lots just for training, even if I slow down a lot. There's a long, 3-4 km climb out of Edmonds I do that you can mash up in the big ring. On a good day, I can do it seated, but on days when I'm off, I'll just keep 'er in the 53 and Pantani the fuck out of that bastard. In fact, I've been doing that a few years now - since our first Keepers Tour, and its amazing how much leg strength it has built.

On other thing I've noticed is that its useless to do that from the hoods - you have to be in the drops; its the only place where you'll find the power.

[ Goober Pyle voice ] "I'll do it!" Implementing a better technique to change the results and rewards. Thanx
Mike_P says:

Apr 11 2014 at 12:46 am

@frank

@Gianni

I just Pantanied a climb or two today, stayed in the big ring and hauled ass...until I had to not Pantani anymore. Still, a little Pantani is better than no Pantani.

I do that lots just for training, even if I slow down a lot. There's a long, 3-4 km climb out of Edmonds I do that you can mash up in the big ring. On a good day, I can do it seated, but on days when I'm off, I'll just keep 'er in the 53 and Pantani the fuck out of that bastard. In fact, I've been doing that a few years now - since our first Keepers Tour, and its amazing how much leg strength it has built.

On other thing I've noticed is that its useless to do that from the hoods - you have to be in the drops; its the only place where you'll find the power.

Too right. I thought it was simply me being too fat to climb that meant the only way I could get power was on the drops. Tried it lastnight on a dark training ride, more to get out of traffic harms way asap than anything else, but it certainly works for me.
Teocalli says:

Apr 11 2014 at 1:16 am

@frank

@Gianni

I just Pantanied a climb or two today, stayed in the big ring and hauled ass...until I had to not Pantani anymore. Still, a little Pantani is better than no Pantani.

I do that lots just for training, even if I slow down a lot. There's a long, 3-4 km climb out of Edmonds I do that you can mash up in the big ring. On a good day, I can do it seated, but on days when I'm off, I'll just keep 'er in the 53 and Pantani the fuck out of that bastard. In fact, I've been doing that a few years now - since our first Keepers Tour, and its amazing how much leg strength it has built.

On other thing I've noticed is that its useless to do that from the hoods - you have to be in the drops; its the only place where you'll find the power.

I have a local hill loop on a surfaced path that I use when I don't have time for a decent ride. I rep 1 Km of it alternating between standing and mashing and seated and spinning then for the final loop I go down to the bottom if the road it links to and burn any reserve on a 4k climb back to the top. It's convenient enough to get in a lunchtime burn when I'm working from home and actually have some work to do!