I’m a non-climber who enjoys climbing. I’d enjoy it more if I was good at it. And “enjoy” might be too strong a word, “tolerate” might be better. But dragging 89 kilos up a volcano gives one time to contemplate the cycling life .
Let us define non-climber. It’s someone either too fat, too big (gravitationally challenged) or a fast- twitching sprinter. Not liking to suffer does not make you a non-climber. As the moto camera drifts down the peloton on the Ventoux, it’s still the guys at the back who are dying the worst. Finishing within the time limit for the non-climber requires a trip deep into the cave-o-pain.
For the cyclist, the power-to-weight ratio (watts generated/body weight in kg) is king, especially when the road goes up. A large improvement in the power side of the formula is tough, we have already chosen our damn parents and cursed inheriting their vestigial hearts and lungs. Yes, this number should be honed to its finest edge, it can be nudged up but not a lot.
The weight side of the equation is completely changeable and under our control.
Lose some weight, you fat bastards. Yes, I’m talking to you. The most important thing to improve climbing, by far, is to lose some weight. Do you need dramatic proof? Put a known weight (2 liter bottles of water) into a knapsack and do a regular route. The hills will be bad, very bad. Now imagine losing that same two or four kilos. The difference can be just as impressive. When I’m at a decent riding weight, climbing out of the saddle for extended periods is not a problem. I’m still slow but gravity is not demanding I put my ass on the saddle. Losing body weight is free; one looks better on and off the bike. Your friends will hate you. What is the down side? Oh right, it takes self-control and not drinking as much alcohol as life requires.
Don’t carry extra weight on the bike. If you really don’t need a second large bidon, don’t carry that 0.8kg. That’s more than the difference between super-light climbing wheels and regular road wheels. For reasons I’ll never understand, a bike that is one kilo lighter seems noticeably faster than the one kilo saved from a bidon. So yes, N+1 can be invoked but it’s much cheaper to just leave that second bottle at home.
LeMan said the key to climbing was to relax…easy for him to say when he had the heart and lungs of three Velominati. But Rule #10 is Rule #10 so meditate on relaxing while dancing uphill. Find a little rhythm. Click up into a longer gear, pop out of the saddle, shift back down, park it back in the saddle.
Find a gear you can turn over comfortably. As we all know, Dr Ferrari was the one to get Lance to spin up climbs. It’s tough to know where the EPO stopped and the spinning started but it did seem to work for him. While some may argue for climbing in the big chainring, for us non-climbers, climbing in the saddle and spinning a gear will get us up faster and with less collateral damage.
The best part of climbing as a non-climber is that we are out there, doing it. The Stelvio, hell yeah, it’s going to take a little longer to get up there but we will do it. We don’t stop, we don’t put a foot down. We suffer like you-know-who on you-know-what but we still do it with a stupid smiles on our faces.
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@Chris
Ah cool, I won't look out for you then. I'm looking forward to it but Its likely to be a slow crawl for me.
@frank
You are absolutely correct, and I never said that it did.If that is what you think our beer is, then my Wisconsin Velominati brethren and I have much to teach you.
What would be the beer equivalent to the Pedalwan?
@Fausto
Yes I think you should be. Of course it also depends what you're doing - 5W/kg on the flat is less effective if you weigh 60kg, but devastating going uphill.
In our race today we had a short sharp hill we went over three times - and I was doing about 5.3W/kg up it for 2 minutes. That's put me eighth overall on Strava for that segment (one second ahead of Oscar Pujol, a pro rider) and more importantly I was in the first two or three over the hill each time in the leading break.
Don't forget values of 6W/kg are regarded as Tour de France level - admittedly that's at threshold but 5W/kg is pretty good even for 5 minutes (probably best to avoid the cake therapy afterwards though). It's not just my opinion - if you look at the power profiles of Andrew Coggan (Training Peaks) it's well up there.
@TommyTubolare
I didn't own a bike 10 years ago. It's hard to be serious about something you don't participate in.
I've never been one to subscribe to the "You can't eat this or that" school of thought. All things in moderation, my friend.
Composure is my tip for fellow non-climbers. When I climb ok, or less badly than normal, its because I've managed to stay focused and mantain a certain amount of composure and form. This doesn't mean going easy but you have to stay in control.
The worst thing you can do is panic, forget how to breathe and start flailing around on the bike.
Also if you are climbing slowly but are doing so in a casually deliberate style you can always make out that was your intention and you're just training properly...
@norm It's going to be a bit different from last year when the temperature hovered around zero for the whole ride and the snow was being blown horizontally on the higher ground. Probably more reminiscent of the the London Cogal.
Have a good one.
It's easy to see Magnus has some Bonts on his feet. Can anyone identify his helmet? Is that one of the top-end Uvex helmets that Shimano and Kittel and Degenkolb are wearing this year? Looks pretty slick. (by which for helmets means, not terrible)
@norm
This.
@Chris
Can't identify his helmet but can tell you he's riding a hand-built WyndyMylla Massive Attack 62cm frameset which is currently for sale at their workshop in Surrey.
and that was clearly a reply from me to the wrong post.
@Ron - see my f'd up post above regarding Maggie's helmet