I’m a non-climber who enjoys climbing. I’d enjoy it more if I was good at it. And “enjoy” might be too strong a word, “tolerate” might be better. But dragging 89 kilos up a volcano gives one time to contemplate the cycling life .
Let us define non-climber. It’s someone either too fat, too big (gravitationally challenged) or a fast- twitching sprinter. Not liking to suffer does not make you a non-climber. As the moto camera drifts down the peloton on the Ventoux, it’s still the guys at the back who are dying the worst. Finishing within the time limit for the non-climber requires a trip deep into the cave-o-pain.
For the cyclist, the power-to-weight ratio (watts generated/body weight in kg) is king, especially when the road goes up. A large improvement in the power side of the formula is tough, we have already chosen our damn parents and cursed inheriting their vestigial hearts and lungs. Yes, this number should be honed to its finest edge, it can be nudged up but not a lot.
The weight side of the equation is completely changeable and under our control.
Lose some weight, you fat bastards. Yes, I’m talking to you. The most important thing to improve climbing, by far, is to lose some weight. Do you need dramatic proof? Put a known weight (2 liter bottles of water) into a knapsack and do a regular route. The hills will be bad, very bad. Now imagine losing that same two or four kilos. The difference can be just as impressive. When I’m at a decent riding weight, climbing out of the saddle for extended periods is not a problem. I’m still slow but gravity is not demanding I put my ass on the saddle. Losing body weight is free; one looks better on and off the bike. Your friends will hate you. What is the down side? Oh right, it takes self-control and not drinking as much alcohol as life requires.
Don’t carry extra weight on the bike. If you really don’t need a second large bidon, don’t carry that 0.8kg. That’s more than the difference between super-light climbing wheels and regular road wheels. For reasons I’ll never understand, a bike that is one kilo lighter seems noticeably faster than the one kilo saved from a bidon. So yes, N+1 can be invoked but it’s much cheaper to just leave that second bottle at home.
LeMan said the key to climbing was to relax…easy for him to say when he had the heart and lungs of three Velominati. But Rule #10 is Rule #10 so meditate on relaxing while dancing uphill. Find a little rhythm. Click up into a longer gear, pop out of the saddle, shift back down, park it back in the saddle.
Find a gear you can turn over comfortably. As we all know, Dr Ferrari was the one to get Lance to spin up climbs. It’s tough to know where the EPO stopped and the spinning started but it did seem to work for him. While some may argue for climbing in the big chainring, for us non-climbers, climbing in the saddle and spinning a gear will get us up faster and with less collateral damage.
The best part of climbing as a non-climber is that we are out there, doing it. The Stelvio, hell yeah, it’s going to take a little longer to get up there but we will do it. We don’t stop, we don’t put a foot down. We suffer like you-know-who on you-know-what but we still do it with a stupid smiles on our faces.
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@ChrisO the "get a powermeter, hold XXX w/kg" response is pretty standard for Durian, just don't ask him about how to structure your diet unless you really love bananas...
@Puffy
Because that's like asking your Calculus prof to mention Addition as an important part of doing Integrals.
Another great article Gianni. There's info in here regardless of wether you are a climber or not. Dropping Kg's is key to climbing, either to survive, or to win. And actually getting climbing into your routine. That's especially important if you aren't a climber. Go looking for long climbs. Start on shorter, lower angle climbs then work your way up to bigger and steeper ones.
Funny thing is even in the "climbing community" there are types of climbing that any given VM will excel at. Shorter very steep climbs are almost as big a weakness as sprinting for me personally, but a nice, really long slightly lower angle climb is bitchin'.
@Darren H
This. I often commune with the butterflies, and looking all the way up the hill is the kiss of death. I don't worry about getting to the top: I worry about the next 10 seconds, and it all works out.
I climb like a box of rocks, but I love it anyway. Relish the struggle.
I refuse to accept that my protuberant gut is the cause of both my climbing and sexual disappointments. Ah, Hell, need to pour another Templeton rye to wash down these cheese sticks. Waffle House is gonna taste fuckin great in the morning.
Another tip is the line up the climb. Brings a smile to my face to see young skinny runts take the inside of the turn/bend up which is like a climb in a climb getting out of the saddle to sprint out of the bend. Lots of energy wasted there.
Whereas take the wide sweeping 'flat line' of the apex of the turn/bend helps keep the speed and cadence steady. As always if safe to do so on open, public roads. Otherwise in a organized event I take that wider, 'flat line' up.
@Mikael Liddy
The biggest problem with eating like a primate is the sheer volume required, you have to eat all fucking day, the guy buys his fruit and veggies by the box, eating a fuck ton of food sounds good until you try it, and then you have to dump that shit, literally.
@ChrisO
This from a man who creamed us all on the hills last summer!
@sthilzy
Wasn't is Pantani and Ulrich showing the two methods head to head on the TdF one year? I'm sure someone will know the year and find the video.
LeMan also mentions power-to-weight ratio; (Credit to Winning magazine No.91, June 1991)
Oh yeah, and a 42 chain wheel!