I’m a non-climber who enjoys climbing. I’d enjoy it more if I was good at it. And “enjoy” might be too strong a word, “tolerate” might be better. But dragging 89 kilos up a volcano gives one time to contemplate the cycling life .
Let us define non-climber. It’s someone either too fat, too big (gravitationally challenged) or a fast- twitching sprinter. Not liking to suffer does not make you a non-climber. As the moto camera drifts down the peloton on the Ventoux, it’s still the guys at the back who are dying the worst. Finishing within the time limit for the non-climber requires a trip deep into the cave-o-pain.
For the cyclist, the power-to-weight ratio (watts generated/body weight in kg) is king, especially when the road goes up. A large improvement in the power side of the formula is tough, we have already chosen our damn parents and cursed inheriting their vestigial hearts and lungs. Yes, this number should be honed to its finest edge, it can be nudged up but not a lot.
The weight side of the equation is completely changeable and under our control.
Lose some weight, you fat bastards. Yes, I’m talking to you. The most important thing to improve climbing, by far, is to lose some weight. Do you need dramatic proof? Put a known weight (2 liter bottles of water) into a knapsack and do a regular route. The hills will be bad, very bad. Now imagine losing that same two or four kilos. The difference can be just as impressive. When I’m at a decent riding weight, climbing out of the saddle for extended periods is not a problem. I’m still slow but gravity is not demanding I put my ass on the saddle. Losing body weight is free; one looks better on and off the bike. Your friends will hate you. What is the down side? Oh right, it takes self-control and not drinking as much alcohol as life requires.
Don’t carry extra weight on the bike. If you really don’t need a second large bidon, don’t carry that 0.8kg. That’s more than the difference between super-light climbing wheels and regular road wheels. For reasons I’ll never understand, a bike that is one kilo lighter seems noticeably faster than the one kilo saved from a bidon. So yes, N+1 can be invoked but it’s much cheaper to just leave that second bottle at home.
LeMan said the key to climbing was to relax…easy for him to say when he had the heart and lungs of three Velominati. But Rule #10 is Rule #10 so meditate on relaxing while dancing uphill. Find a little rhythm. Click up into a longer gear, pop out of the saddle, shift back down, park it back in the saddle.
Find a gear you can turn over comfortably. As we all know, Dr Ferrari was the one to get Lance to spin up climbs. It’s tough to know where the EPO stopped and the spinning started but it did seem to work for him. While some may argue for climbing in the big chainring, for us non-climbers, climbing in the saddle and spinning a gear will get us up faster and with less collateral damage.
The best part of climbing as a non-climber is that we are out there, doing it. The Stelvio, hell yeah, it’s going to take a little longer to get up there but we will do it. We don’t stop, we don’t put a foot down. We suffer like you-know-who on you-know-what but we still do it with a stupid smiles on our faces.
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Great post! Being a 106kg 186cm ex rugby player suffering from an unexpected love affair with cycling and climbing (paired with a looming mid-life-crisis), I can relate.
Adding to the advice - scientific studies have proven that the sensation of pain is greatly reduced if the subject is allowed to widely curse and swear. For a cyclist, this is very useful; especially if you develop a series of profanities that helps you maintain your cadence. Here is mine (in Swedish, but you'll get the picture): "Fan. Helvetes. Jävla. Skit". This aligns to a cadence of 80RPM, while alleviating the pain and confusing the competition. Let's call it the V-chant.
I am not a apt lip-reader, but I can swear that Bäckstedt was using a similar technique, crushing the Pavé at Arenberg in 2004.
Lastly: "drinking as much alcohol as life requires". So true. Deserves to go on a t-shirt.
@sthilzy And interestingly LeMan doesn't mention climbing as a pre-cursor to climbing well.
It's about power and weight, not how many cols you've bagged. I don't think you actually need to do a lot of climbing to be a good climber.
Riding at 350W is riding at 350W whether you're on the flat or on a climb. In fact I find it easier (mentally at least) to do 350W up a hill and I know people who claim they actually produce higher numbers on climbs over flats for the same effort.
I guess we will find out in August at Bealach Na Ba - I can't do any climbing here between May/June and September. I'll just go and try to hit a number, Froome-style.
@Dfitz
Doing it myself at the end of June, but not the fondo, just my club taking over a hotel in the Bormio, spending a week riding the climbs, and finishing everything out with the Stelvio on the last day. I am looking forward to it with both anticipation and complete horror. I wouldn't mind hearing what others have to say about rides up it.
@Shatterhand As a former rugby player I can relate to that although I tend to find that moving my mouth to create such mantras diverts energy away from the legs as does using my brain to think of the words. Slack jawed and empty headed is the way to go. Any sort of brain function is liable to be diverted to subversive thoughts along the lines of "who the fuck did you think you were kidding, fat boy" and "you're well and truly out of your comfort zone here, you could have spent the afternoon sat in the sun drinking wine and eating chornicons ans saucisson sec". Its Rule 6 all the way for me.
@Al__S
Cambridgeshire is a bit on the flat side isn't it. Great for riding into the wind, though. The ramp up to Waitrose's roof top car park in Huntingdon is probably your best bet for hill reps. The spiral ramp at the Grand Arcade in Cabridgeshire gets a bit busy for my liking.
@Chris WTF? Where are you guys? BTW. In Hertford, Hereford, and Hampshire, hurricanes hardly ever happen!
@shaterhand @chris Also an ex Rugby player but fortunately I played on the wing.
@Chris
Concur. Thinking while climbing, that's dangerous. Save thinking for après-velo.
@The Pressure
They are mainly on the plain.
@The Pressure On the plain! And where's that soggy plain? North of Huntingdon, near the edge of the fens. There aren't many hurricanes here either but given the recent weather, I surprised that we've not become a seaside village overnight.
I can ride 113 km to my parents place with only 350m of elevation. And that's all at either end.