Darkness sets in.

It requires a combination of factors to intersect. You need to have already spent loads of time on a bicycle. Enough so that you have an inherent sense of this odd thing with two wheels; you can make it go quickly or slowly, you can steer it around a corner with ease, you know how the introduction of a layer of moisture between the tires and the tarmac might affect the way it does these things.

There can’t be too clear a boundary between the bicycle and your body; those lines are best when blurred a bit. Hands to bars, feet to pedals, badonkadonk to saddle – these are contact points but they extend into the body to form a cohesive unit of rider and machine.

You need to know the difference between being out of shape, overweight, under-fed or hydrated, or simply being tired; these things have different implications and you must know how to manage them. You need to have met the Man with the Hammer enough times that you can feel him standing alongside you some time before his hammer hits. You need to know which actions bring him near, and you need to know which actions may stave him off.

These are all things that must be learned through many years spent in the saddle and cannot be gleaned from a book; this is a path you must walk yourself.

It also needs to be a long day out on the bike. Long enough that you’re tired with some distance yet to go; past the halfway point in the ride, but not so close to the end that you distract yourself with thoughts of finishing. There can only be the moment, nothing more. The legs need to be heavy from hours of effort but still strong. The pressure in the chest firm as the rhythm of your breathing is contant but not overly labored. The heart has to be pumping hard but not on its limit.

You have to be on the right kind of road to support a sustained, constant effort. Not too twisty, not too undulating. Not too scenic as scenery tends to be a distraction. Perhaps it is misty, humid. The air through which you ride wraps around you like a blanket.

You don’t have to be particularly strong that day, or fast, or in particularly good shape; you just need the right amounts of the right elements. As the legs start to go round, they draw you into a kind of hypnosis. The sight of the front wheel guiding you in the bottom of your periphery adds to the effect. Slowly, your senses turn inward, like falling asleep except that with every turn of the pedals, your focus grows more intense. You see everything and you see nothing. You see the road and you see obstacles, but acknowledgement of these things is reserved for critical items only. Only those things that require attention will be given it; the rest is reserved for turning the pedals.

The blanket you wrapped yourself in gets pulled up over your head, over your ears, nearly to your eyes. Darkness is everywhere except directly in front of you, the tunnel guiding you along. You hear nothing but the whirring of your tires, perhaps the changing of gear. The Man with the Hammer wanders close; you feel him. But La Volupte has graced you as well and she distracts him to stave off his hammer for a bit longer.

His killer blow will come, but not yet.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @moondance

    Wow. Wonderful stuff. I come here and read these things and am inspired and even awed. I lurk here, feeling I have nothing much to add, just soaking things up. Just a neophyte rider at 54, I'm finding the beauty of the road through the shared experiences here, as well as my own.

    Additionally, I love the way you guys chap each others asses.....

    Everyone has something to add. That's what makes this site soooo much better than Velonews or other such shite. The shared experiences, from people just beginning to learn the way of the VM, to the most knowledgeable, all have something to offer.

    Example: @McSqueek, a quickly learning pedalwan, caught our esteemed leader with a rule violation on our jaunt to the start of the Seattle Summer Cogal (a pretty good one I might add). I won't say what it was, and it did get corrected. Lurk no more sir, that's what I'm saying.

  • @VeloAU

    So v true - i often wonder if the legs we not linked ot the head if they would just go on spinning for ever ....its the hammer in your mind that causes most of the grief haha! ...but every so often, the legs really do....die.....

    Yeah, my biggest problem is mental. I start to feel a bit shitty and shot at the end, and it's like a domino effect of self-doubt takes hold. One of the things I'm trying to work on.

    As I told @Jamie near the end of our ride on Saturday, I'm like the "diva" on the Snickers commercial with a crappy attitude until I get a bit of food in me!

  • @Oli

    @frank haha! I know what you mean...it's misused so often to poor effect it's almost not worth pointing it out any more, but I knew you wouldn't mind as it wouldn't affect the tone of the article.

    Your pedantry is an affectation. It is affecting my views of the effectiveness of your comments.

  • @All - it happened to me with about 8 kays to go .....the 2 x small hearts attached to my lower legs ...the small cows....seized and wanted to drag me to the tarmac ....but u just grit fangs and try to punch forward and upward .....nothing motivates more than staying alive as u spin the rubber over the white line on a one-laner with passing traffic tickling your elbows surrounding follicles ....have to admit, once i got to the summit i did have to dismount and give them a good stretchin! probably needed to drink a lot more than i did in the preceding 42 kays ......idiot ....

  • For some reason I was reminded of the Fun Boy Three song "Tunnel of Love" when I saw the title of this article and started reading the rest (which may not mean anything to anyone that didn't grow up in the 70/80's and enjoyed The Specials who morphed into FB3). These lyrics -

    Consequences, altered cases
    Broken noses, altered faces
    My ego altered, altered egos
    Wherever I go so does me go

    reminded me of that "tunnel". The feeling of losing the sense of ones surroundings and only focusing on the "critical items" as frank so well put it, happens alot on those longer rides I find. It doesn't last the entire length but once you enter the tunnel, it's not known where the light at the end is. A slightly altered state of mind in that wherever the bike goes, so does me go....willingly.

  • @il ciclista medio

    For some reason I was reminded of the Fun Boy Three song "Tunnel of Love" when I saw the title of this article and started reading the rest (which may not mean anything to anyone that didn't grow up in the 70/80"²s and enjoyed The Specials who morphed into FB3). These lyrics -

    Consequences, altered cases
    Broken noses, altered faces
    My ego altered, altered egos
    Wherever I go so does me go

    reminded me of that "tunnel". The feeling of losing the sense of ones surroundings and only focusing on the "critical items" as frank so well put it, happens alot on those longer rides I find. It doesn't last the entire length but once you enter the tunnel, it's not known where the light at the end is. A slightly altered state of mind in that wherever the bike goes, so does me go....willingly.

    You've wrecked the effect of the article for me now. Too bad for me and you.

  • @versio

    @il ciclista medio

    For some reason I was reminded of the Fun Boy Three song "Tunnel of Love" when I saw the title of this article and started reading the rest (which may not mean anything to anyone that didn't grow up in the 70/80"²s and enjoyed The Specials who morphed into FB3). These lyrics -

    Consequences, altered cases
    Broken noses, altered faces
    My ego altered, altered egos
    Wherever I go so does me go

    reminded me of that "tunnel". The feeling of losing the sense of ones surroundings and only focusing on the "critical items" as frank so well put it, happens alot on those longer rides I find. It doesn't last the entire length but once you enter the tunnel, it's not known where the light at the end is. A slightly altered state of mind in that wherever the bike goes, so does me go....willingly.

    You've wrecked the effect of the article for me now. Too bad for me and you.

    @versio

    "Shut up and ride." That's straight from Shakespeare.

    I'm curious as to WTF you're talking about?

  • @Marcus

    I was trying to come up with something similarly witty, but you beat me to it and likely did a better job of it. The trouble with these affectations is that they are effectively infectious. Ah feck!

Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago