Look Pro: Get Your Gear Off
When you’re a kid, riding with your hands off the bars is something done for thrills, for style, and to impress chicks. As an older, wiser Velominatus, it can be a handy maneuvre to aid removing or donning extra clothing, taking a feed from your pockets, and to impress women (because that’s how adults refer to chicks). Get it right and it’s the most Pro of moves; get it wrong, and there’s little chance the nurse picking the gravel from your face will be impressed.
Surprisingly, many Cyclists are inadequately equipped in this fine, yet fairly basic and useful art. If memory serves correctly, it was one of the first things I learned to do on a bike, right after balancing and pedalling, and just before wobbling and face-planting. Anyone could ride along with one hand on the bars, waving at the girls or flipping the bird at the guys, but if you could sit bolt upright and give the ‘up yours’ sign then you were a true badass. Making sure you could haul your bad ass out of there before being dragged off the bike and beaten to a pulp helped develop sprinting skills which would come in handy later in your cycling odyssey.
Another, more practical use of riding no hands was to remove the long sleeved flannelette shirt (aka the ‘flanno‘) so fashionable in the day and deftly tie it around one’s waist, hopefully without getting it caught in the rear wheel and necessitating another trip to the casualty ward to be embarrassed in front of that same nurse yet again. Getting the six buttons undone and the sleeves tied together in a double knot in under ten seconds was the stuff of legend, and only Mick Johnson could do it that quickly, surprisingly so as his IQ was roughly the same number as the time it took him to complete the task (or write his name). How he never went on to bag a Pro contract still baffles me.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/brettok@velominati.com/signage/”/]
While we can see clearly from the photos that the modern Pro is just that, professional, and would never use their arms or hands for anything but the cultivation of a clean image for the sport, riding no hands can still be a useful skill for the rest of us. Having to stop the whole bunch so you can peel off your arm warmers, hat or vest is not only inconvenient, it’s asking for a mini-pump beating. To avoid such ignominy, here are a few basic tips to help with getting your gear off (or on).
- Make sure you can actually ride no hands. Seems obvious, but you need to practice away from the dangers of cars, pedestrians and other riders to hone your no-handed balance first, before moving on to clothing removal/addition.
- Preparation, anticipation. Pick the time and place where you will perform the procedure. Descents aren’t good. Ditto in the middle of the bunch, when a paceline is forming, or when doing a turn on the front at 45kmh. On a wide, flat piece of road, with the speed comfortable and good forward vision, drift to the back of the group and leave a safe gap of a bike length or two. Stay away from the gutter and traffic, watching for road obstacles or debris.
- Get the job done in a flash. Now you’re sure everything’s clear, whip those arm warmers off quickly; grab the top of the right (or left if you prefer) warmer and roll it down the arm and over your hand. Keep hold of it and grab the top of the other warmer and repeat. This should result in one warmer perfectly inside the other; now fold them twice, flat, and stuff in a jersey pocket (which you would have made clear to accommodate them).
- Don’t attempt too many items at once. Unless you’re totally badass and skilled, of course. Removing a cap from under the helmet can be a more difficult, and dangerous task. You want to get this one done real quick, but stuff it up and you may leave yourself without the most important piece of protection for the resulting crash; your helmet. First, unclip the buckle and remove your eyewear, with one hand still on the bars. Place eywear either in your helmet vents (Pro) or in your mouth (not so much, but easier). Now take the other hand off the bars, sit upright, lift the helmet off your head with one hand while whipping the cap off with the other. Replace the helmet immediately and stuff the cap in jersey pocket. Buckle helmet chin strap and replace eyewear in accordance with Rule #37.
- Vested interests. Like Johnno and his flanno, this can be a triumph or total disaster. You need to be aware of the vest or jacket at all times throughout the procedure. Again, sit upright, hold the bottom of the zipper with one hand and quickly unzip with the other. Now use both hands to peel the vest apart and around to the back of your hips. Gather both pieces into one hand, bring to the front of the body and fold three or four times until you have a fairly neat square to stuff into the jersey pocket. Count your teeth. All there? Still riding? You got it.
Good to see these gentlemen taking the “high road”
Great article. I did a roller session last night and I have found that putting the bidon on the stand next to my bike and riding no hands while taking a drink is great practice. Just make sure you have something next to the rollers for the first couple times you attempt riding sans hands.
Love the lead photo, that was a beautiful morning’s ride…
As a relatively novice Velominatus, I’m generally OK with riding no handed but once I start doing things with my hands it all starts to go to bits. I have found that the massive bulk of a Boris bike lends it a certain amount of stability so I’ve been practising with my suit jacket buttons.
The only time I seem to be on my road bike is in the dark so I’ll be keeping the jacket or arm warmers on for the time being.
Helmet War Part 21 will commence shortly. Think I’ll go and dust off the Assos girl.
I think I liked Cav better when he was a young upstart.
I clearly remember watching a Tour rider use both hands on a stuck zip to remove his right side shoe cover – left hand reached down and trough the main triangle. Even Phil and Paul were impressed!
Nice article, Britt.
Also, when attempting no hands on a quiet, country side road, make sure there isn’t a police car behind you. While sitting up to stretch my back, I heard a voice boom over a megaphone to put my hands on the bars.
While appreciating his concern for my safety, for a (very) brief moment my first instinct was to use my free hands to express my opinion, but managed to think better of it.
What happened to Dave?
Who’s Eddie ?
@Nate
@ChrisO
Hmmm, someone’s been tinkerin…
How not to do it… (via Vacebook)
@brett
And you a Keeper too… oh, the humanity.
@brett Oh the humanity, take 2. If only he had been on the correct side of the road.
@ChrisO
@Nate
Take it up with the Monkey…
@brett
Oh my. Although the skiwampus EPMS at 0:05 presaged the inevitable outcome, the sleeve extraction at 0:30 was unexpected.
@Optimiste
I started rooting for the poor bastard after that. I guess that’s why they say pride comes before the fall. Also have to call the cameraman and the guy riding beside him for halfwheeling.
@brett
I’m talking about the video, not your belated editing. But does Dave know you relegated him to the last pic in the album?
I have two options, don’t stop keep the jacket on and get hot, or leave the jacket off and get wet. Either way it encourages you to HTFU! I can’t do no handed for the life of me and I hate stopping. I snowboard as well and hate stopping to wait for people at that as well. Fuck me I’ve just got going!
CORE STRENGTH
Also, be mindful of crosswinds…
I love riding with no hands.
“Make sure you can actually ride no hands. Seems obvious, but you need to practice away from the dangers of cars, pedestrians and other riders to hone your no-handed balance first, before moving on to clothing removal/addition.”
It seems from a very young age, this was the coolest thing I could do on a bike, so with every new bike, it was one of the first thing I tried. It wasn’t until this past summer I tried anything practical while no handing.
Rain was immanent for a club ride, so I was prepared with my rain coat in a pocket and once the rain started, I reached around, found the coat, and pulled it on and I was pleased! No hands, got dressed all by myself, was going to stay reasonably dry except for one thing… I had put it on upside down. I was alone on my way to the ride so there was no one to witness this. With the hard part of correcting my mistake, I left all possibilities of being totally bad-ass behind and pulled over to take the coat off and right the situation at the side of the road. No one saw me that I’m aware of.
The next time, I prepared the coat into my jersey pocket to I pulled on the collar to get it out and get dressed right side up, and it worked perfectly. No one was behind me to see it, though.
@Nate
Are you suggesting that Dave should be given priority over The Prophet?
The Keepers reserve the right to change anything at any time, with or without notice. Including putting the peanut gallery in the penalty box for talking out of turn!
@Jaundo
And deep section wheels.
I’m crap at no hands. I have to stop to undress/redress but I don’t let people wait for me. Catching up is penance for not having the skill.
@frank
No, I am unabashedly peanut-gallerying a Keeper. You can put me in the penalty box if you want but even though I am neither Canadian nor a hockey goon I may keep yapping.
Also, I now understand why those two were my favorite Muppets characters. For that I thank you.
Definitely not Pro at no-handing it. My balance just blows – I guess I need to work on it. Thanks, Brett, great pics, too.
Regardless of weather or route, it seems I can tell it’s going to be a good day firing the guns by how confident I feel hands-off-bars.
In another era it was a challenge to ride my bike the 3 miles (Scotland in the mid 70’s before Eurofication) to primary school no hands. From home it was a lumpy mile then a 90 degree left, into the village of Luthermuir, sharp right and another left at the bottom of the road. Then another mile into the playground and bike shed. It’s a skill I’ve never lost but rarely use to the same degree on the road. One of my coaching drills with the kids at the Discovery club is to ride 2 abreast on the outdoor track, taking turns to put on a gilet, zip it up, remove and pass to the next rider and on down the line. Done at a decent pace it’s safe and looks awesome. Brilliant at building their confidence and improving bike handling.
Rollers no hands should be a breeze for every rider plus it looks pro when warming up at the velodrome and yes @juando decent core strength is the key.
On my last bike before this one, which I haven’t owned for exactly 20 years and which was a steel frame by Glenn Erickson, I could brew tea while riding no-hands. I’m sure I’m not the rider I was then, but I do find it harder to get administrative stuff done on my CAAD10, which I otherwise like very much. It just doesn’t track like the old beauty.
@PeakInTwoYears I am with you on that one, it seemed back in the day any good frame was bullet proof for no hands and these days its a lottery. When I borrow some of these new fangled carbon things there is always a very gingerly testing of the tracking and some are just too light and potato chip like to feel at all solid. Also they have all this stuff converging on the cockpit that makes the bars, brakes/shifters and cables act like a sail so that too makes the stability questionable…
@brett
Fook, I was waiting for the jacket sleeve to go into the front wheel and the face plant.
All this mention here of not being able to ride no-hands is alarming. How do you people expect to salute after winning races? Going faster, not slower, also helps.
90% of my no-hands riding is practicing my salute. I can even do it while looking in a shop-window reflection of myself.
I will state, however, that my R3 always was problematic with riding no-hands, but I think there was something amuck with the alignment because all my other bikes including the Veloformas are no issue.
I wouldn’t do this….
Steve Perkins with son Aidan World track championships 2012. At least the toe straps are loose.
Used to ride handsfree a lot when I was a kid, but only recently began to practice for the very reason of clothing removal. Got a nice section I can practice pulling the bidon and supping handsfree on each commute. Granted it is right beside the motorway, and I can’t help but think the drivers must think I’m a showoff douche as I pass them, hands off, while they are stuck in traffic. Oh well, I’m at home before they are…
For those wanting to try, I find I have to shift my weight back over the back of the seat to sit level, then you steer with the hips. I was surprised how straight tracking my race geo Ridley is when compared to my commuter actually, once you are in the sweet spot. Watch for winds, but not too much of a prob. My safe/controllable pace seems to be about 25kph or under.
The other day when forced to drive to work, I saw no less than 4 other people ride no hands on the cycleway. The standard of bike tended to be rusty MTB in each case. One was riding nohands while yapping into his cellphone on speaker with earphones in! Skillz to pay the billz yo…
@frank Reckon the R3 had a faster steering front end than some of your other bikes.
@frank Don’t get me wrong I love no hands but some of these bikes, like your R3 just don’t like going there and I do not think its the alignment, more the angles of fork/frame, light weight and lack of subsequent stability in the front end. I think these issues might lead to a bunch of people being very tentative and leading to the above statements.
Obviously this is not an issue in the pro ranks and maybe I just get wimpy when they do not behave like steel?
@Rob
The twitchy forks that make our carbon steeds handle with such aplomb also make them a bitch to keep on a line sans hands…there is much to be said for the mannered handling of the bikes of our youth.
Needed more practice.
@sthilzy
Damn! Embed didn’t work!
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/2395910/bike_race_victory_fail/
@sthilzy holy mother of suck. That man will always live with that. Celebrating too early in my opinion. There was another similar finish at an ironman competition. I will see if I can’t track down the video
Two no hands experiences:
As a young lad riding my dragster over a speed bump and the front wheel parting company. No lawyer tabs in those days.
Doing a big victory salute winning my first B grade crit at 16 and almost falling off.
One hand off the bars…http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlLi0Hrx9QE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KlLi0Hrx9QE
There’s skills, then there’s skillz.
But learning to be one with your whip is paramount. Being able to remove, don various bits of kit due to changing weather, or just to stretch is super important to me on long rides. All it takes is some practice and confidence. Start with removing one hand, then the other. Continuing to pedal (if you have a magnificent stroke) takes the edge off. It’s a mandatory skill in my opinion.
@scaler911 That guy is astonishing. Watching him recover from a rear-wheel drift during a race or ride his bike up the ass-end of a car and then track-stand on the hood ornament while grabbing a podium girl’s ass, I’m simply amazed.
And here we are talking about riding no-hands. As if it’s a thing. Undercover Brother sez, “Ain’t no thing.”
@frank
It’s true. Earlier today I saw him riding up and down the road looking like the Queen of England, waving both arms in the air for blocks on end.
@Chris I’m just starting to learn how to ride with no hands, but it’s pretty impressive when I see people doing it
@DCR That would be a guaranteed trip to the garage floor for me!!
@pistard That photo is all kinds of awesome:
Deliberate on the left. Casual on the right. And the definition of Casually Deliberate in the center.
Pre derailleur. Pre quick release. Pure hard men.
@Optimiste
Shit, I didn’t even notice that! Quick release transition era: wing nuts on the left, but looks like QR on the others. Still fixed gear. Hard as fuck.
Far away of being a pro riding no hands I also made the experience, that some bikes work better for that task then others. On most bikes it works okay for me but not on my SLC01 for whatever reason. So with this one I try to do the task one handed, and if this is not gonna work out I have to stop. Which is for sure uncool – but braking with your face is even more uncool!
@brett Apart from staying away from the gutter, I don’t think he’s paid any attention to your advice…