Look Pro: The Whale Shark
The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cyclists face a metaphorically similar challenge when it comes to loading up the lungs with enough air to support our ravenous hunger for more V.
While the civilized person doesn’t normally wander about with their jaw agape as though missing a chromosome, the Velominatus – the most civilized of Cyclists – always rides with a slack jaw. Better for gulping down air while helping yourself to heaping portions of The V.
The sad reality is that when riding uphill, one can either suffer or one can climb off. There is nothing in the middle, no Option C. There may be some (perceived) degree of control over how intense the suffering is, but one of the most important discoveries a Cyclist will ever make is that riding uphill at a moderate pace is almost as hard as riding uphill à bloc. The question becomes one of sustainment of the effort; how much oxygen can be supplied to the blood so the muscles can keep firing. The answer is that you can be as strong as Hercules but if you don’t concentrate on your breathing to get as much air into the lungs as possible, it won’t be very long before Scotty is calling up from the engine room with some bleak news.
Enter the Whale Shark breathing technique: open you mouth wide, and hoover up as much air as possible as you make your way uphill. Ullrich was a champion of this approach, dropping the jaw like the loader on a tractor, cramming air down the hatch and into the furnace. His fellow countryman Tony Martin has taken over the mantle with possibly the most realistic Whaleshark impersonation I’ve ever seen. But this is a technique as old as the sport itself; even the most casual browsing of a photo archive will show riders from all eras riding with their mouths hanging wide open.
The idea here is improve your breathing while avoiding looking like a yawning chimp. Here are a few pointers.
- While you should never ride with your mouth closed, the Whale Shark should be reserved for times when you’re actually riding hard. Unless your name starts with Thomas and ends in Voekler.
- Jut the bottom of your jaw forward like you have an underbite. The underbite helps scoop up more air.
- The muscles in your face and neck are not helping you ride faster; keep them relaxed partly to conserve energy but also to maximize airflow into the lungs.
- Like eating before you’re hungry and drinking before you’re thirsty, start the Whale Shark before you get short on breath in order to keep those oxygen levels topped off from the start.
- Resist the temptation to start breathing more quickly as you start to redline the motor. Quick breaths are shallow breaths, so keep the breathing deep and rhythmic.
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*Nonmammalian vertebrate? Do we need that distinction? Are there any competing nonmammalian invertebrates? I’d hate to run into a 21 metric ton bug.
I’ve devoted considerable time and effort to developing my whale shark impression. As you so rightly point out it should be reserved for times when you’re actually riding hard which means you’re probably not supply enough oxygen to the brain to analyse it’s effectiveness so I’ve devoted non-cycling time to it’s development. Specifically whilst asleep on the train to work – if I wake up dribbling I know I’ve got he whole drop jawed, slack faced thing just about right.
, doing on the bike risks a mouthful of bugs or wasp stings.
I’ve always felt embarrassed when race photos catch me imitating the Whale Shark. I guess I’m a little less self conscious about it all now. There’s always some smart ass who has a clenched jaw and looks like he’s about to snap the peloton in half – I prefer that look.
Is there anything in the lexicon that describes one of those on the wing protein shakes?
I swithered last month over buying one of those photos taken by roadside photographers on Alpe D’Huez because in every one of them my mouth was wide open. Not so nice, I’m suffering and I’m trying to look comfortable for the camera and failing. Now I’ve got terminology for that look. I’m glad I got one.
With that noggin-neck combo, Tony’s always struck me as more of a Turtle than a Whale Shark, but clearly Turtles can do a good Whale Shark impressions.
@BicycleJosh
Oh man, me too. Makes for shit pictures that’s for sure. I swear the other guys know the photographer is there and go all cool-looking and what not when the camera is in view and start the wheezing bit when they pass him/her. Now I won’t be so damn self conscious about the whole mouth agape thing (nice gift there Frank).
I’m still trying to figure out Chris Horner’s schtick: how can be breathe hard through that grin?
A bit like Mr Voeckler, I employ the “whale shark” just ordering a coffee !
Whats bigger than a whale shark ? Let me know and Ill use that technique in my riding. Lungs like peanuts I have.
Here’s yours truly combining the Whale Shark with some belly breathing a couple of years ago. For those of you likely to be in Adelaide around TDU time next year, this about half way up a 2k, 11% pain-fest that will feature in the associated cogal.
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@Mikael Liddy ahh the good old gut breathe, I know it well. Speaking of Cogals, two this year for fellow Velominati. The Adelaide Hills pain cave and the Southern Cogal again round April. Thats how we roll !
Does dribbling enhance or detract from the Whale Shark impression? I suppose Whale Sharks could be dribbling but we wouldn’t know since they are under water. I just ask because when Tony get’s his TT on, man, he looses quite a bit out of the gob. The TDF stage the lead photo is from had him with a 7cm goober flapping in the breeze. Part of me says “wipe that shit off you grub” and the other part says “Very Pro. Stay aero, don’t waste energy/increase drag wiping your mouth”
@Puffy
now dribble, that I can do!
However, if you’re trying to ‘break’ a guy next to you, closing the mouth for a few breaths, and looking at your rival with a wry smile, is a way to break souls. But in the meantime, it’s the best way to get air to the blood.
How’s it been going around these parts? Fuck, I haven’t posted in so long I’m probably a Level 4 again.
I knew the Rules would catch up with me on this one one day, my 5 year old’s even been taking the pi$$ out if my chimp face for a while now.
work required
Can Whale Sharks wink?
@Barracuda
I think the Whale takes it………..
Whale Shark
@piwakawaka
Exhibit 1:Laurensis Dribblus Maximus
@Mike_P
I try and save enough energy to snot-rocket, one has to have standards.
I thought “Whale-Shark” is just Tony Martin’s way of Inhaling Wasps?
@VeloJello
I don’t know but that helmet has to go. Has he not looked at Nibbles and seen how superbly classy he looks in just the maillot jaune and team kit? Take a lesson, young man, take a lesson.
@Barracuda
You guys and your Adelaide hills.
attended my first TDU in 2012. Me “how much longer does this hill go for?” My “mate” who’d been there before “just a few more k’s”.
10km later, me “how much longer does this hill go for?” My “mate” 0f dubious mateness “ha ha ha”.
repeat for each day Of the tour.
see you there in ’14
My VMH and I also refer to this. As race face
You guys who seem to ride in the sun all the time……………drinking road spray face……..
and before anyone points out – the arm warmers match the jersey is my excuse.
@Rom
Why the bowling pin between the bars?
@scaler911
Ahh yes. Always make sure not to show any distress when they come up along side. Calm, collected and comfortable — my eyes were bulging out just before they come up.
@Teocalli
Is that at Fred Whitton?
@VeloJello
No, creepy twats wink. I don’t ever want to see that photo or – even worse – the fucking animated gif of him doing that ever again.
@scaler911
Good to see you back here.
My favorite soul crushing move is to take a few deep breaths on the sly, then drop back (or pull up) alongside the rider and ask them a few questions or ask if they have been noticing the stunning views. If you can’t talk, then futz around with your kit or act like you’re investigating something fishy about your bike while maintaining a gun-crushing tempo.
@Puffy
Spit and phlegm is the body’s reaction to exposure to The V. Very pro to drool on yourself, spit on yourself, snot on yourself…even blowing spit bubbles like Gallopin’ Tony on Stage 10.
@tessar
Inhaling Wasps is more V-Face than it is a breathing technique.
@Mike_P
Total stud.
@Rom
Skin suit, overshoes, aero bike, deep section rims, and….hairy legs? Get thee to a nunnery sir!
@wiscot Are you complimenting his magnitude?
@dyalander
so apt.
@Teocalli
What’s to criticize? I see three major things- Its Cold, Its Wet, and You just dropped the pack. Well done.
This is from the Daily Mail’s website today.
Watch out lady! There’s a Panzerwagen behind you!
That picture of Coppi is amazing. Look. At. Those. Socks. Perfection.
As a colliegate swimmer we where told to slacken the jaw as a way to relax the facial muscles. By doing this there was less tension throughout the whole of the body. While riding I am always aware of the set of my jaw, less tension equals more V.
@wiscot
And Ris’ hemoglobin has got him going so fast, he’s blown the hair clean off his head.
Two things:
1. I believe that I am yet a young velominatus, but it seems to me that there is a continuum of fantastic. In this case, riding ugly appears to go around the Horn, so to speak, back into looking fantastic? Does this apply to other ugly riding things (e.g. bowling pins between the handlebars, above)?
2. One of my early endurance athlete heroes was Steve Prefontaine. Not to bring running too far into this, because as we all know riding a bicycle should never proceed from swimming nor proceed to running (although I believe that track running can be analogous to track cycling), but even he appeared to be doing his best whale shark impersonation.
I’ll answer half my question, because I was being mildly facetious: I don’t think bottles belong on the handlebars, because it just looks silly, but where in the devil does riding ugly stop being fantastic?
Or is this like pornography, i.e. I’ll know it when I see it?
@Ccos
All I see is the worst fitting yellow jersey in history. Seriously, did they not have the right size? Another reason to like Nibbles – looks fantastic.
@wiscot
My 15 yo son refers to it as my sippy cup. I’d slap him but he’s 6′ 3″
@frank
have discussed this with the VMH and she’s not for it. But after seeing Specialized wind tunnel video (not that we listen to them), I’m thinking it may be some free seconds. Also will help me look more fantastic.
problems are:
i have trouble keeping up with face shaving
just had a foot op to make me more aero so fitness will be declining for some time.
That’s my cheaters skin suit – normal shorts plus a “Skins” brand compression top.
@Rom
Please! Shaving guns should surpass shaving face.
@Rom
Bullshit. First, its a Rule #11 violation. Second, she just thinks she doesn’t like it. Do it and both of you will get over it.
Oh my Merckx, the whinging here made me black out.
@Teocalli
Way to dish it out!! Love fowl weather suffering!
@wiscot
Yes, true.
Two things: 1. Ris is BY FAR the ugliest tour winner in history (by any measure). The jersey therefore is in keeping with that standard and 2. when your hemoglobin is that high (supposedly 64) you get sludging of blood flow in the brain which leaves you open to questionable judgements (no shit, it aint good for you). Evidently the folks fitting him also had inappropriately high Hgb’s too it would seem.
@Ccos
And don’t even get me started on the fucking ugly grey terry toweling knee warmers Riis wore. I tell ya, if Jaques Goddet or Felix Levitan had still been around in the 90s, they’d have thrown Riis off the race for wearing that shit. Hell, they kicked Michel Pollentier off for being so ugly in 1978 and having a riding style that made Froome-dog look graceful:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xpu9Q_FDKFI
Well, the bulb full of someone else’s piss in the armpit might have been a contributing factor, but I still read that Levitan (who introduces the Champs Elysees finish in 1975 and the polka dot jersey), still didn’t want a bandy-legged wee Belgian riding down there in triumph.
Oh, and check out the team car for Pollentier: two guys riding serious shotgun and they ignore the gendarme telling them to pull off before the finish. That’s Flandria for you.
@Rom
Get yourself one of these (for the guns):
Yes, a machine that has a multitude of spinning tweezers that rips the hair out at the roots. Don’t you dare suggest it’s too painful because I’ll just say HTFU and point to Rule #5. What, can’t handle a little pain in the legs? The good lady has no problem with using one. You’re pathetic!!
It takes me 30-40 minutes once a fortnight to keep the guns smooth and soft. Shaving is a waste of time and money and gives inferior results. Best of all, at once a fortnight it’s not very time hungry and even the day before the hair you have growing is softer (it’s newly grown with a nice rounded tip – not stubble) sparse (not all hair grow back at once) and lighter in colour so without close inspection they look hairless.
I admit it doesn’t feel like a very manly thing to use and I when I use it I lock the bedroom door. Mostly because the one time my kids saw me doing it they stood at the door giggling for 10min! On the other hand ripping the hair out wholesale by the bunch full seems a rather more macho way to remove the hair than using a nancy blade.
@Puffy
Looks like something this guy uses. Fuk me.
@frank
@frank
Please tell me that the ride your doing in the picture was not preceded by a swim, then followed by a run ?!?