The Whale Shark is the biggest nonmammalian vertebrate* on the planet, rivaling the dinosaurs for size. How do you feed yourself when you’re that huge without loading up on carbs all the time? Easy, you swim around with your mouth wide open for 22 hours a day and hope enough food swims in there to take the edge off the hunger pangs. Cyclists face a metaphorically similar challenge when it comes to loading up the lungs with enough air to support our ravenous hunger for more V.
While the civilized person doesn’t normally wander about with their jaw agape as though missing a chromosome, the Velominatus – the most civilized of Cyclists – always rides with a slack jaw. Better for gulping down air while helping yourself to heaping portions of The V.
The sad reality is that when riding uphill, one can either suffer or one can climb off. There is nothing in the middle, no Option C. There may be some (perceived) degree of control over how intense the suffering is, but one of the most important discoveries a Cyclist will ever make is that riding uphill at a moderate pace is almost as hard as riding uphill à bloc. The question becomes one of sustainment of the effort; how much oxygen can be supplied to the blood so the muscles can keep firing. The answer is that you can be as strong as Hercules but if you don’t concentrate on your breathing to get as much air into the lungs as possible, it won’t be very long before Scotty is calling up from the engine room with some bleak news.
Enter the Whale Shark breathing technique: open you mouth wide, and hoover up as much air as possible as you make your way uphill. Ullrich was a champion of this approach, dropping the jaw like the loader on a tractor, cramming air down the hatch and into the furnace. His fellow countryman Tony Martin has taken over the mantle with possibly the most realistic Whaleshark impersonation I’ve ever seen. But this is a technique as old as the sport itself; even the most casual browsing of a photo archive will show riders from all eras riding with their mouths hanging wide open.
The idea here is improve your breathing while avoiding looking like a yawning chimp. Here are a few pointers.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Whale Shark/”/]
*Nonmammalian vertebrate? Do we need that distinction? Are there any competing nonmammalian invertebrates? I’d hate to run into a 21 metric ton bug.
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@Rom just switch your right pedal to one of those "track-style" pedals that are all the rage with the hipster fixie-riding crowd. You'll be fine...
And may I suggest this from your countrymen (you are an Aussie, right?) to address your wallet issue.
But seriously, here's hoping you heal fast, your season is just a few months away.
@DeKerr
Thanks mate, I've got two options then, campy track pedal that came with my 30 yo steely, or reversible platform pedal on the MTB. The clog is about an inch high so a bit of imbalance is expected.
the positive is that I plan to buy new cycling shoes once I'm healed.
I am in Aus but have an EPMW in the drawer as the next in line that I bought in Rome, so it will be style over substance.
@DeKerr
The French do have a way of saying things well for the most part. I gave a copy of The Rules to a friend in Quebec and he didn't fully understand rule #5 all that much. The French equivalent (via a hasty enter web search) was something along the lines of "don't be a fucking pussy and grow yourself a fucking pair of balls." (in French of course) I was laughing too hard to write it down.
@The Oracle
That's what you call planning ahead mate. Plus one badge to you, if nothing else for your optimism!
@Rom
Ouch, I hope that didn't happen while gesticulating to the VMH about why she should just deal with the leg shaving.
Oh, and excellent choice in literature; I see you are a scholar.
Apropos of Martin, T. : he rode another great TT yesterday.
@PT
Watching the TT last night, my theory is that Martin creates a localised low pressure cell and effectively inhales all the other riders on course.
@frank
@frank
shaving incident with a Bowie knife.
Just did a TT today and tried it. It works so much better than my usual gritted teeth, dead Elvis look.
Tony Panzerwagen rode 58-11 today. As a former TT man, that is just beyond awesome. For the next few years in TTs, everyone else is fighting for 2nd and lower. I know he Germans still have a nasty taste in their mouths from the Jan days, but hell's bells, they need to get behind Tony M, Big Marcel and Degenkolb - bona fide stars.
Oh and a shout out to Horner - top 20 after his injuries earlier this year? Amazing.
In the coulda, woulda, shoulda dept for Sky? Make Geraint #1 instead of Porte. Stronger, steadier and smarter. Let the Taff off the leash FFS.
Great ides by French riders collectively. Such a showing (and resurgence) can only be good for the game.
Malmerde off the podium? Just fine by me.