Categories: Look ProTechnique

Sur La Plaque, Part Trois: Monkey in the Middle

The irresistible Sa Calobra in Mallorca. Photo: @roadslave525.

Climbing is something I enjoy more than I am good at it; any time I see a new road pointing up to the heavens, I find myself irresistibly drawn to explore where it leads. Every season I come to the conclusion that my training routes are all very hilly and I arrive at the brilliant idea that I should plot out a new course which seeks out the flattest roads in town, allowing for an easy spin every now and again. As I ride happily along my new, rolling route, I will notice a twisty road snaking its way toward the sky and I will be helpless to resist exploring it. Before long, the route is as hard as any of the others. I simply can’t stop myself seeking out new climbs.

The beauty of climbing is found in its contrasts, in the beautiful duality of suffering and being in control – of burning muscles which somehow still feel strong and powerful. At 80 kilos and 193cm I will never be a good climber, but there is a magic zone of gradients between six and eight percent where I can get the guns turning over easily despite the pressure in my lungs and legs. At those gradients, I can feel myself sitting steady in the saddle, raising out of it occasionally to keep the gear ticking over or to offer some respite to my muscles. Beyond eight percent is a zone of gradients upon which I never feel comfortable; to maintain the tempo requires all my concentration; I feel the hill clawing at my jersey, pulling me back down to the valley. I can never seem to find the right cadence in this zone; either I’m spinning too much or I’m falling behind the gear. But beyond 12 percent, I find a renewed strength; despite my grotesque weight I am somehow still able to find the power to keep the wheels turning round. At these gradients there is little you can do apart from pushing on the pedals; skill and elegance have less little to do with it than does being stubborn and a bit dim.

The Prophet once said that to ride a time trial, you should start as fast as possible, and finish as fast as possible. When asked about the middle, he said to ride that as fast as possible. And so it is for climbing. In part one of Sur La Plaque, we examined how to ride the end of a climb; you go as hard as you can. In part two, we examined how to approach a climb and how best to tackle the base. Again, you go as hard as you can. We left it a mystery as to what one should do when riding the middle of the climb. Guess what? You go as hard as you can.

The middle part of a climb is mentally the hardest. At the top, you can easily wrap your mind around what needs to be done: push as hard as you can and embrace the lactic acid as it floods over you; the effort will be over soon enough. The bottom can be intimidating, but you are generally fairly fresh, though you may need some time to find your rhythm. The middle is where you settle in and focus as concentration and momentum mean everything. Breathing deeply in harmony to your cadence, the key is to make sure you don’t lose your concentration as you and your bike are urged to slow ever down by the Man with the Hammer’s loyal servants: Gravity and Fatigue.

The loss of tempo happens very gradually as a gear that was smoothly turning over begins to move a little heavier. In response, the cadence slows ever so slightly until finally you need to shift gear. It is a never ending cycle that leads irrevocably to plodding along in the lowest gear. Combatting this process takes complete and total focus. Concentrate on the rhythm and your breath, and if the gradient kicks up, rise out of the saddle to keep the pace up. If the gradient requires a downshift, do so before you fall behind the gear; once you allow yourself to become overgeared you will be on the back foot for the rest of the climb.

Climbing through the monkey in the middle is as much about mental strength as it is physical. Find a steady, fast tempo, and commit everything you have to maintaining it. Also, for the purposes of this article, Sur la Plaque is a state of mind more than it is a chain ring. And also remember that the only reason Merckx invented the inner ring is to give us a place to store the chain while replacing the worn-out Big Ring.

VLVV.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @Fausto Crapiz

    @Ccos

    @Fausto Crapiz

    @Velosix P.S. Just did Cherohala challenge and found myself wanting to play angry birds on the way up, it was that boring.

    You do realize that if you don't go pro and prove your awesomeness on the hills, there likely will be a petition to formally change your name to "Douche." Better still would be to move to England and get knighted. "Sir Douche" has a nice ring to it.

    HAHAHA. .that's not what I mean. It's a long, straight, unshaded climb with no breaks. Tough but boring.

    You have to work your delivery dude.  Rule #72  Nobody wants to listen to you tell us, or read how you infer, what a manbeast you are.

    We are not here to whip out our dicks and measure them in front of each other.   We are here for the love of cycling.  Take the rules and all the hard man shit in the spirit it is intended.  If a climb of 4250' of gain is beneath you and lulls you to sleep, that's fine.  But you're in the wrong place to talk shit about it.

  • @teleguy57

    @wiscot

    Climbs? Beginning, middle, end? I know not of what you speak. Here in SE Wisconsin we have lumps. Lots of nasty little lumps that start and finish. Oh what I'd give to climb a real mountain!

    Makes it a bit interesting to train here for real climbing. I'm headed out to Kent Eriksen's Tour de Steamboat next month. While I've ridden in CO, nothing this long (110 miles) combined with this kind of climbing (7,500 feet) ...

    My framebuilder tells me his brother, who looks great in rosa, will be there. Free massages at the end, with beer flowing at the post-ride barbeque, so I have lots to which to look forward. But climbing in WI is a bit different.

    Sounds like a good time! Yup, here in WI (or at least my part of it) it's more Amstel or Flanders in terms of short, sharp climbs. Did a nice one last night that was just a real rollercoaster in parts (West Bend - Kewaskum - Campbellsport -Lake Bernice - Town of Ashford - Theresa - Kohlsville - West Bend). 88kms of pure WI landscape at it's finest - lush green fields, red barns, blue skies, white fluffy clouds, very quiet roads the whole way.

  • @wiscot

    @teleguy57

    @wiscot

    Climbs? Beginning, middle, end? I know not of what you speak. Here in SE Wisconsin we have lumps. Lots of nasty little lumps that start and finish. Oh what I'd give to climb a real mountain!

    Makes it a bit interesting to train here for real climbing. I'm headed out to Kent Eriksen's Tour de Steamboat next month. While I've ridden in CO, nothing this long (110 miles) combined with this kind of climbing (7,500 feet) ...

    My framebuilder tells me his brother, who looks great in rosa, will be there. Free massages at the end, with beer flowing at the post-ride barbeque, so I have lots to which to look forward. But climbing in WI is a bit different.

    Sounds like a good time! Yup, here in WI (or at least my part of it) it's more Amstel or Flanders in terms of short, sharp climbs. Did a nice one last night that was just a real rollercoaster in parts (West Bend - Kewaskum - Campbellsport -Lake Bernice - Town of Ashford - Theresa - Kohlsville - West Bend). 88kms of pure WI landscape at it's finest - lush green fields, red barns, blue skies, white fluffy clouds, very quiet roads the whole way.

    "WI landscape at it's finest - lush green fields, red barns, blue skies, white fluffy clouds, very quiet roads the whole way." Perfect for creating a cogal one day -- next year?

  • @unversio

    @wiscot

    @teleguy57

    @wiscot

    Climbs? Beginning, middle, end? I know not of what you speak. Here in SE Wisconsin we have lumps. Lots of nasty little lumps that start and finish. Oh what I'd give to climb a real mountain!

    Makes it a bit interesting to train here for real climbing. I'm headed out to Kent Eriksen's Tour de Steamboat next month. While I've ridden in CO, nothing this long (110 miles) combined with this kind of climbing (7,500 feet) ...

    My framebuilder tells me his brother, who looks great in rosa, will be there. Free massages at the end, with beer flowing at the post-ride barbeque, so I have lots to which to look forward. But climbing in WI is a bit different.

    Sounds like a good time! Yup, here in WI (or at least my part of it) it's more Amstel or Flanders in terms of short, sharp climbs. Did a nice one last night that was just a real rollercoaster in parts (West Bend - Kewaskum - Campbellsport -Lake Bernice - Town of Ashford - Theresa - Kohlsville - West Bend). 88kms of pure WI landscape at it's finest - lush green fields, red barns, blue skies, white fluffy clouds, very quiet roads the whole way.

    "WI landscape at it's finest - lush green fields, red barns, blue skies, white fluffy clouds, very quiet roads the whole way." Perfect for creating a cogal one day "” next year?

    Nah, I need to get a cogal set for this year. Maybe a fall one when the colors are turning. Early October. And yep, it'll go on many of last night's roads.

  • @wiscot

    @unversio

    @wiscot

    @teleguy57

    @wiscot

    Climbs? Beginning, middle, end? I know not of what you speak. Here in SE Wisconsin we have lumps. Lots of nasty little lumps that start and finish. Oh what I'd give to climb a real mountain!

    Makes it a bit interesting to train here for real climbing. I'm headed out to Kent Eriksen's Tour de Steamboat next month. While I've ridden in CO, nothing this long (110 miles) combined with this kind of climbing (7,500 feet) ...

    My framebuilder tells me his brother, who looks great in rosa, will be there. Free massages at the end, with beer flowing at the post-ride barbeque, so I have lots to which to look forward. But climbing in WI is a bit different.

    Sounds like a good time! Yup, here in WI (or at least my part of it) it's more Amstel or Flanders in terms of short, sharp climbs. Did a nice one last night that was just a real rollercoaster in parts (West Bend - Kewaskum - Campbellsport -Lake Bernice - Town of Ashford - Theresa - Kohlsville - West Bend). 88kms of pure WI landscape at it's finest - lush green fields, red barns, blue skies, white fluffy clouds, very quiet roads the whole way.

    "WI landscape at it's finest - lush green fields, red barns, blue skies, white fluffy clouds, very quiet roads the whole way." Perfect for creating a cogal one day "” next year?

    Nah, I need to get a cogal set for this year. Maybe a fall one when the colors are turning. Early October. And yep, it'll go on many of last night's roads.

    Fall would be wonderful -- bookend the season with the Cheesehead Roubaix tête de la course and a fall cogal arrière du peloton.

    Now as to type of climbing, when one is the same weight as Magnus Bäckstedt (my now favorite commentator by far) but 11ish cm shorter, well, both helligen and grinding alpine slogs are just plain painful.  That's why my frame sticker reads "Presque Rouleur;" no grimpeur here!

  • @pink Sorry no Arvy.

    Photo courtesy of @strathlubnaig, a master of the compact camera on the move. Over the Col de Sarenne and heading up towards the back of Alpe D'Huez. It was a beautiful day, a thought that didn't really register until we were over the top.

  • To make a climb interesting take a bit of Bianche Strade from near wherever you are, a gradient suitable for a mountain bike and ride it on a totally unsuitable vintage road bike (photos never look as steep as it really is).........

  • I always thoroughly enjoy seeing the cool places folks have been riding lately.

    Nothing too exciting route-wise for me of late, but darn, I LOVE summertime and being able to let the heat dissipate and ride late into the evening. Work all day, ride late, get home and read some cycling books, then head to bed.

    Work, ride, read, sleep. I'm easily appeased!

  • @Ron

    Work, ride, read, sleep. I'm easily appeased!

    Atta boy! "Eat, Sleep, Train, Repeat"*... what else is there?

    *yes, most need to jamb "work" in there someplace.

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