Categories: Breaking The RulesCyclocrossTechnique

Training for ‘Cross

Don't cross-train; train for 'cross.

I recently upgraded my phone, tablet, laptop, and TV to their most modern respective operating systems. These devices are now are so interconnected that they know what I want long before I do. In fact, I might not want it all, but no one can tell because I’m already doing what they told me I want to do. Presumably while driving.

I have become quite adept at texting while riding my bike. My phone buzzes, I reach into my pocket, examine the message, and determine whether I should answer that particular buzz immediately or wait until I’m at a stop or at home. I don’t navigate any kind of logic tree to make this determination; I simply respond to my inner monkey and tap away my inane response. I should not have this skill, texting while riding. By all rights I shouldn’t even have my phone with me. I shouldn’t need to be reachable when I’m on my bike. That’s part of the point of being on my bike.

There is something about being out in the wilderness that flips a primal reset switch in my soul. Mountain biking and backcountry skiing often take us away from phone networks and traffic the way little else can. The problem with mountain biking is a lack of the hypnotic rhythm that riding on the road offers, which is part of the enormous appeal of riding a bicycle; the rhythm of the legs pedalling along has a trance-like quality to it and the spell is broken whenever the bike hits a root or a rock or a rut. This, for me, is the appeal of a good gravel ride or even a good Cyclocross ride: you’re still on a road bike with most of its hypnotic trappings, but you still get to descend into the wilderness and experience the great escape from technology. Along with just enough technical riding to make a tantalizing cocktail of Awesomeness.

Fall is here, which means the road season is all but behind us; ahead of us lie chilly, wet rides in our Flandrian Best. And Cyclocross. I have an extensive background riding rigid mountain bikes in the 90’s, which makes me almost automatically good at Cyclocross. Except Cyclocross also includes running and remounting. My basic trouble with training for ‘Cross is that I never do my drills for things like remounting. My remount looks like a wounded duck trying to ride a pogo stick. I could master it, of that I’m certain, but once I’m riding my bike I find it nearly impossible to climb off just for the privilege of climbing back on.

In the immortal words of @G’rilla: I don’t cross-train. I train for ‘cross.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

RobSandy says:

Sep 23 2016 at 1:27 am

@Rick

It does appear that his jersey in the cyclocross photo is indeed a yellow one. The photo in this post is tagged as from 1979.

What.A.Fucking.Legend.

This one's going in my Badger shrine. Along with all the photos of him punching people.
Buck Rogers says:

Sep 23 2016 at 7:32 am

@Greg Titus

Ditch the phone. You are a Velominatus, aren’t you?

But then how the fuck would he take all those selfies???

By the way, Frahnk, you're up shit creek if you come and ride with me in Germany.

40 Euro fine for using your phone while riding. And also you can get drunk driving (riding) charges as well if you are over the 0.05 limit here. As soon as I heard those I immediately thought of you!
Buck Rogers says:

Sep 23 2016 at 7:34 am

@Cary

@Ron

In other news…Sagan is a fucking champion. Best season of all time for a guy in the WC bands?

after Eddy Merckx won the 1971 Worlds in Mendrisio, he immediately knocked off the Tour of Lombardy. he opened the spring classics season in 1972 with his fifth Milan-San Remo victory, followed by his third Liege-Bastogne-Liege, which he paired with a Fleche-Wallone victory, making him only the third rider to do the Ardennes double. next, he won the Giro d’Italia for the third time and Tour de France for the fourth time, where he also won the points jersey for the third time.

then, he set the hour record, and put it on the shelf for the better part of three decades to anyone using a conventional bicycle.

and the ’72 campaign wasn’t even his best year, just his best world champion year.

Damn Ron! I was thinking the same thing! Talk about myopic viewing from me! I should have realized that The Prophet would have set the standard so high that it was nigh untouchable. Thanks Cary for the much needed lesson!!!
Ron says:

Sep 23 2016 at 9:04 am

Ha...I was essentially tossing that out there to test our resident historians! I knew I was likely very wrong. Thanks, Cary!

I often grab a beer at the end of my ride and finish it on the roll home. Never been stopping. I'm under the impression that the city police have far bigger things to worry about that a skinny man in Lycra riding 15 km/hr and drinking a beer.

Hey Buck...on an unrelated note, but since your in the med biz...I stupidly tried to collect a stray dog the other week. A fucking chihuahua. I hate little dogs. The bastard bit me when I tried to pick him up. Do you have any clue how much rabies shots cost in the U.S.? I didn't! And my insurance is only covering some of it. I could buy a very, very nice new bike for what I'm stuck with. So much for being a good neighbor. Never again.
litvi says:

Sep 23 2016 at 10:22 am

@Teocalli

Terry Pratchet had it right.

"Mark 1, mark 2 and Mark 5."

Genius!
Buck Rogers says:

Sep 23 2016 at 11:17 am

@Ron

Ha…I was essentially tossing that out there to test our resident historians! I knew I was likely very wrong. Thanks, Cary!

I often grab a beer at the end of my ride and finish it on the roll home. Never been stopping. I’m under the impression that the city police have far bigger things to worry about that a skinny man in Lycra riding 15 km/hr and drinking a beer.

Hey Buck…on an unrelated note, but since your in the med biz…I stupidly tried to collect a stray dog the other week. A fucking chihuahua. I hate little dogs. The bastard bit me when I tried to pick him up. Do you have any clue how much rabies shots cost in the U.S.? I didn’t! And my insurance is only covering some of it. I could buy a very, very nice new bike for what I’m stuck with. So much for being a good neighbor. Never again.

Fuck Mate! That's crazy! I always get all of my much needed rabies shots for free from Uncle Sam.

And I think that Oli just plain was so disgusted with your (and my) post about the Rainbow jersey year that he refused to even acknowledge it!

It's good to let them think that they know a lot. I feel that is a large part of my contribution to this collective here on the V site.
frank says:

Sep 23 2016 at 11:39 am

@Kybikegirl

To paraphrase, ‘I’d almost certainly be awesome at it’ but I’m not…

Nailed it. I now realize all those other words were just a waste of time.

So, the solution is clear. You train more and become amazingly powerful and skilled that you never dismount, need never lower your standards and for shame – run. Henceforth you ride every stair and every sandpit…

Solved it for you.
frank says:

Sep 23 2016 at 11:53 am

@RobSandy

Na, never take a call or text while riding. I usually only use my phone to send the obligatory “look, I’ve gone a bit further than planned and I’m going to be late home” text, or for an emergency call “Yeah, I’m only 10km from the chalet but the road is blocked so I’ve got to go all the way back. Yes, over the Tourmalet again”.

And as for Cross, fortunately I don’t have any delusions I’d be good at it. I’ve seen how trashed the cross-specialist from the cross get, and many of them are stronger on the road than I am. The only talent I could bring to Cross is not falling off when by rights I really should. I’ll be riding the boards this winter instead.

The demands of my job mean I almost always have to be reachable during a ride, sadly. But yes, this is the dream scenario.
Ccos says:

Sep 23 2016 at 2:46 pm

@frank

@RobSandy

Na, never take a call or text while riding. I usually only use my phone to send the obligatory “look, I’ve gone a bit further than planned and I’m going to be late home” text, or for an emergency call “Yeah, I’m only 10km from the chalet but the road is blocked so I’ve got to go all the way back. Yes, over the Tourmalet again”.

The demands of my job mean I almost always have to be reachable during a ride, sadly. But yes, this is the dream scenario.

Hostage negotiator? That's what I assume all those people must be who are yakking on their phones while driving.
frank says:

Sep 23 2016 at 3:46 pm

@wiscot

@Ccos

@RobSandy

@Teocalli

CX is clearly an essential part of a pro-cyclist’s development……

Certainly explains why this guy was so ‘cross.

I think he didn’t get into it until his La Vie Claire days, but learned to dismount and remount on both sides in a single day. It helps that he is a bad ass.

Before LVC I think. He’s wearing Gitane/Campagnolo shorts so it must be winter 78 when he rode for Renault-Elf-Gitane, after he won the Tour for the first time that year. (I’m pretty sure he’s wearing a yellow jersey).

Such a monster. That's legit 'cross too. 32mm balloons are boss; the soft modern pro's race Paris-Roubaix on that shit!

@Teocalli

@chris

@RobSandy

@chris

@Teocalli

Terry Pratchet had it right.

I never really got on with Prachett’s books*, apart from the Long Earth collaboration**, which almost leaves me feeling like I’ve missed out on something. I’ve held that feeling at bay by generalising that Prachett’s fans are all bearded obsessives sporting wizard’s hats. Harry Harrison and Larry Niven also disappointed.

*I did try read one of his books, possibly the first discworld book, whilst at school. Everyone at school seemed to be into it.

** Two or three of the series then got bored.

I’m re-reading a Discworld book right now. It’s brilliant.

I can only conclude that there’s something wrong with you. Does that help?

When not in use does your cycling specific eyewear stow away neatly and securely on your pointy hat or do you tuck them away with the remains of your breakfast like other beardies?

Mine appear and disappear at the wave of a wand – why do you ask?

This was all just so...dorky...it went all the way round and became awesome again.