La Vie Velominatus: The Sound of Silence
In most situations, silence is an ominous thing that signals impending doom. Having never been in any danger myself, I base this largely on my experience watching box-office movies. As a general rule, I use Hollywood as the principal source of information on all subjects as they relate to doom and politics, principally because I’m loath to do any “reading” or “research” of my own; the more thinking an actor or actress can do for me, the better. The more glamorous they look, the more trustworthy they are.
For the Cyclist, however, silence signals efficiency. Noise is loss; every creak, squeak, click, clack, groan, moan, or other emanation of sound from our machine or body is energy escaping the system. Energy that we put into the system through hard-fought application of The V. That includes uncontrolled, dog-like panting or wheezing, and the creaking and clicking of body parts, by the way.
Sound is energy carried on waves of vibrating air. Sound escaping our bicycle or body as a consequence of us applying pressure to the pedals is evidence that some portion of our energy is being expended to produce noise instead of moving us forward. This makes noise intolerable and infuriating in equal measure and in extreme circumstances may precipitate a Rule #65-violating Millarcopter. Drivetrain noise means loss with every link of the chain that passes through the derailleur and over a cog. A click in the bottom bracket or a creaking in the cleat signals energy poured into compression of bearings or plastic, not speed. Wheezing or panting indicates air converted from V-giving breath into the useless rattling of a larynx.
Silence the machine, control your breathing into a steady, muscle-fueling source, and maximum V will follow. The mind fixates on noises and is distracted from The Work; it is only through the Principle of Silence that we may find Rule #6.
But riding a quiet bike is far from riding in the silent vacuum that signals impending danger. On the contrary, a silent bike submits us to the genuine beauty of our Sport: the whisper of the wind in our ear, the song of a bird who encourages us along our way, the crisp click of a perfect shift, the rhythmic patter of rain on our helmet, cap, or the tarmac as we carve our path along La Vie Velominatus.
But the most beautiful sound of Cycling has come to me late in my life as a Velominatus. My reluctance to ride sew-ups has for many years denied me the sublime sound of a handmade tubular rolling along the road. This world opened up to me early last year when I finally built a set of Golden Tickets for my introduction to the Hell of the North. This year, almost by accident, I wound up riding my Café Roubaix Arenbergs for all of Keepers Tour 2013, glued to the best set of tires available – the FMB Partis-Roubaix. The amplifying qualities of the deep-section carbon rim allows the supple hum of the handmade tubular to sing like Merckx’s mighty rollers upon the rock of Mount Velomis.
This sound inspires. It is a reason to get out to ride. It is a reason to be a Cyclist. This sound is a reason to live.
Vive la Vie Velominatus.
When riding Campa, creaky cogs are a feature, not a bug.
@G’rilla
You might have noticed that creaking when I dropped you the other day, were it not for the bend in space/time it caused. In fact, it has been reported that Google bought a quantum computer in order to measure the rate of V being sucked from you when I came by. My seat post grew two cm that day.
@G’rilla
This makes about as much sense as @frank’s article extolling the virtues of a silent bike ending with a paragraph that says the silence allows him to hear the sound his bike makes.
@strathlubnaig
I’m filled with equal parts pride and shame at how many times this joke was made before I finished reading the thread. We are a sick lot.
@frank
I just went back and reread your post. Why the fuck would you need “locktite” on your lock ring? Tell me it doesn’t require the red version.
@scaler911
They come lose. Massive. V.
@Blah
It’s called the “Sound” of “Silence”. Get it?
@frank
You don’t need a quantum computer, you need a torque wrench. And if you don’t have a high-range one, don’t worry, it’s not a SRAM lockring, you can tighten it till the veins pop out on your arms. That will be about right, and disabuse @G’rilla of this “feature” crap.
I had a rule when I was a platoon commander – I don’t care if you go slow, but if you ever quit, you’ll be in a world of hurt.
Goes the same for the ride.
@Dan_R
Pain is temporary. Quitting lasts forever!
I’ve been meaning to ask this and it seem as if the discussion has become broad & lively enough to toss it out there…
I have an ’07 Centaur gruppo on one bike, an ’09 Centaur gruppo on another bike. The latter shifts very nicely, very smoothly, very accurately. The former is just a bit less nice all the way away. Smooth, but not as precise, always have a bit more trouble putting it right in gear. (maybe I just can’t shift?)
All things being equal (shitty shifting cyclist, new cables, properly adjusted) is it possible that the newer one has been redesigned just enough to make it smoother and more precise?
The ’09 gruppo is the one with the redesigned shifters. I’ve also had more than one mechanic adjust the ’07 and feel that is was tuned up properly.
Last few days I have had the most annoying creak on the pedal stroke when going uphill or a heavy gear. Checked pedals, BB, changed jockey wheels, lubed, cleaned, &etc. Finally did the now obvious and found a single hex on the chainrings was like 1 turn loose. So a headwind ride today with hilly bits was indeed a joy.
I’m not obsessed…
I went to go to bed last night and saw this. This is not a staged picture. This is what it usually looks like, if not worse.
@Cyclops that scene looks like the vanity in my library…(otherwise known as the master bath).
@Cyclops – Have you broken in to my house again?
@Cyclops yup. I have seen that room before. I have since move all new and back issues to the coffee bar in the studio. Pic to follow
@frank
To quote Dr. Smith, “oh the pain. The pain.”
Moahr milez this weekend. Moahr.
But jeebuz h merckx, every time I look at those profiles for the stage cogal, I ask myself, “what have you done?”
@Cyclops Racing Weight in the mix there. “I need to find that one at my house.”
@Cyclops
Where’s your box of Kleenex?
@unversio
Too bad it has been more effective as a paperweight than getting me down to where I want to be. On a brighter note, I have lost 5.5kg since the beginning of March. Only 12 more.
@Sauterelle
No Kleenex but the “wonder sock” is hidden under the bed.
Can’t believe no-one’s posted this yet: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9hUy9ePyo6Q
@Cyclops Why did you swap out the Idaho State Road Champion bedspread for that quilted one?
@G’rilla
Hahaha! Nipple lube!
@eightzero
We’ll chow the whole elephant down, one bite at a time. It’ll be fabulous.
@wiscot
Fixed that for you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WCkmeP8s8W4
@Sauterelle
No need, those magazine pages are all stuck together.
@PeakInTwoYears
Merckx be praised; may I be worthy of The V.
@TBONE
ROPE A DOPE
@Gianni
I really think less of people who don’t like dogs. I think even less of people who don’t have facial tissues in their homestead. (Sauterelle, go easy on your eponyms. It’s unbecoming of a Syracuse gal.)
Gianni – can’t you easily dismiss an inquiry about those pages with, “It some energy gel. I swear, it’s not my Gu.”
@Beers
i believe that was cyclingtips who mentioned that. he rides with pros pretty regularly.
the only time you should hear a freehub is when you’ve reached escape velocity. and then it shouldn’t matter anyway, since the wind in your ears is all you’ll hear.
and you’re right; there’s nothing worse than hearing freehubs in the paceline. if you’re riding a wheel, soft pedal. if i hear your freehub (or you being too chatty) and i’m on the front, i’ll up the pace.
@frank
What cages can maintain the sound of silence? The only noise my steed makes is the bidon rattling in the cage over rougher roads and it is driving me insane. I need, no must, rectify this post haste!
@Yannersan
Arundel Mandibles are blessedly noise free.
I think my sunglasses are creaking when I stand up to pedal on steep hills. Should I put some lube in the joints? Clean dirt out of the spot where the lens meets the frame?
@Ron
Recently tried Vittoria Open Pave CG III clinchers. They have a 320 TPI casing, and they run @ 120-30 psi. I’ll be damned if they aren’t the quietest and smoothest clincher I’ve ridden.
@G’rilla
yikes. Maybe train enough that you’re not grimacing so much at a club pace?
@itburns
yes.
This is my first post so I’ll introduce myself.
I’m an American living in Italy (for 3 years now). I’ll be moving back to the States soon and bringing all of the Euro-pro snippets that I’ve learned to my fellow Americans.
I noticed a bit of talk about choosing to get of the bike when put into difficulty. This is a bit off topic but I’ll use the previous mention among comments as an excuse. I haven’t seen it in my several readings of the rules over time but tweaking with this situation could be a valued addition.
Something along the lines of: “One shall not dismount the bike during a ride except for the following reasons… 1. A planned stop to refill bidons, 2. A group bathroom break on an exceptionally long ride, 3. Upon successful completion of a righteous ride where plenty of V has been laid to the pavement.”
Merely a suggestion.
I’m a huge fan of the site and refer all new cyclists in my midst here for valuable education.
I’ve ridden sew-ups for a long time, which I thought was a strange thing to call them because when I did try repairing one, it didn’t stay sewn up well at all. Especially inflated to the max pressure. Stored in my apartment next to the couch I heard a little tink… tink… kapow! Then I didn’t hear anything but my ears ringing for a long while.
The true work of art with those old sew-ups was the hubs they rolled on. I have this set of Mavic 501s which took a freewheel and a sachs freewheel on that hub that coasted in silence. Loved scaring people as I passed in silence while coasting. Eventually I found the Mavic axle made of ground up unicorns and updated the hub (and dish) to 130mm spacing and sadly the 9 speed freewheel was not the stealth bomber its 7 speed predecessor had been. A bit quieter than a Shimano freehub, but no match for the old one.
The new NSW hubs give me hope that maybe we’ll go back that way someday and my current I9s which violently remind one to resume pedaling will be old school some day.
@GoldenGorilla
I have one of those Sachs Blocks on The Butler. Really freaks people out to coast in silence. Most just think it’s about to pack up. It’s great to just hear the hum of the Tubs.