Tubular/Carbon hum; the unison of past and future.

In most situations, silence is an ominous thing that signals impending doom. Having never been in any danger myself, I base this largely on my experience watching box-office movies. As a general rule, I use Hollywood as the principal source of information on all subjects as they relate to doom and politics, principally because I’m loath to do any “reading” or “research” of my own; the more thinking an actor or actress can do for me, the better. The more glamorous they look, the more trustworthy they are.

For the Cyclist, however, silence signals efficiency. Noise is loss; every creak, squeak, click, clack, groan, moan, or other emanation of sound from our machine or body is energy escaping the system. Energy that we put into the system through hard-fought application of The V. That includes uncontrolled, dog-like panting or wheezing, and the creaking and clicking of body parts, by the way.

Sound is energy carried on waves of vibrating air. Sound escaping our bicycle or body as a consequence of us applying pressure to the pedals is evidence that some portion of our energy is being expended to produce noise instead of moving us forward. This makes noise intolerable and infuriating in equal measure and in extreme circumstances may precipitate a Rule #65-violating Millarcopter. Drivetrain noise means loss with every link of the chain that passes through the derailleur and over a cog. A click in the bottom bracket or a creaking in the cleat signals energy poured into compression of bearings or plastic, not speed. Wheezing or panting indicates air converted from V-giving breath into the useless rattling of a larynx.

Silence the machine, control your breathing into a steady, muscle-fueling source, and maximum V will follow. The mind fixates on noises and is distracted from The Work; it is only through the Principle of Silence that we may find Rule #6.

But riding a quiet bike is far from riding in the silent vacuum that signals impending danger. On the contrary, a silent bike submits us to the genuine beauty of our Sport: the whisper of the wind in our ear, the song of a bird who encourages us along our way, the crisp click of a perfect shift, the rhythmic patter of rain on our helmet, cap, or the tarmac as we carve our path along La Vie Velominatus.

But the most beautiful sound of Cycling has come to me late in my life as a Velominatus. My reluctance to ride sew-ups has for many years denied me the sublime sound of a handmade tubular rolling along the road. This world opened up to me early last year when I finally built a set of Golden Tickets for my introduction to the Hell of the North. This year, almost by accident, I wound up riding my Café Roubaix Arenbergs for all of Keepers Tour 2013, glued to the best set of tires available – the FMB Partis-Roubaix. The amplifying qualities of the deep-section carbon rim allows the supple hum of the handmade tubular to sing like Merckx’s mighty rollers upon the rock of Mount Velomis.

This sound inspires. It is a reason to get out to ride. It is a reason to be a Cyclist. This sound is a reason to live.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @frank

    @mcsqueak

    Check the spokes, as @paolo suggests, but also the skewers and the spacers between cogs, though those generally seem to emanate as creaks more than clicks. The skewers are a deadly thing as well; they can really creak, especially after a rainy winter. Take them apart, and grease them before any further panicking.

    Oh, and axels should have a little play in them - you don't want them perfectly tight.

    Yep, all of that and this:

    I had a creaky front end on the CX bike for ages. Caused me to pull down and regrease the headset twice in 3 weeks. (Forgot I'd done it the first time.  i'm a bit dim)

    Found a sand grain in the QR interface that once cleaned out seemed to do the trick. 2 days later, the sound was back.

    Turns out that i had some water get into the bearing outer surface.  There was a bit of corrosion on the outer side of the bearing race where it sat in the aluminium hub shell. Once I gave it a bit of a buff with a scotchbrite pad and greased the bejesus out of it, it's been silent ever since.

    Good Luck!

  • @Chris

    That's disco corner. The lady in the powder blue slacks had meant to pull her top up but the speed of Merckx caught her out.

    No way is she going to be able to pull that top up. It's all pretty packed in there and those pants aren't going to let go of the hem without a fight.

  • Alright people. The problem with McSqueaks whip is not his "skewers" nor his headset. I won't bore you with the reasons I know this, but do you really think I'd let my pedalwan tear apart his rear hub without a bit of inspection? It's in the hub. Really.

  • @TBONE On what distance/time rides would you consume all that ? Seems quite a lot.

    @Ron Certainly on long solo rides it is hard to maintain concentration - the mind wanders and I have had a couple of times when I've suddenly found myself about to ride into sand, or into the middle of a road. Eating helps maintain concentration, just with a bit of variance if nothing else.

    For an up to 4 hour ride I would have:

    Before - a banana smoothie (with soy milk and a weetabix thrown in)

    During - water and energy drink,  a couple of dried figs

    Halfway - a date-filled biscuit (or an oat bar/flapjack)

    After - immediately, a bowl of cereal if at home, or if out I will pack some wraps with rice and sweet potato.

    I'm less worried about my body consuming muscle during a ride - I train to avoid that. More concerned with replenishing glycogen afterwards.

    Over 4 hours I would eat  more regularly, but a little bite every 45-60 mins - no more than a mouthful. Home made rice cakes or flapjack squares and figs or dates. The roast potatoes sound nice.

  • @frank

    @wiscot

    @Ron

    I'm content to ride clinchers, for now, but someday I will make the move to tubulars. Something to dream about for the time being. A wonderful piece to keep me dreamin', Frank.

    I have had lots of problems with my newest wheelset. Thankfully I at least have an idea how to sort out one noise issue. Now I have to figure out why there is a slight "chugging" when I brake. Brake track feels perfectly smooth, wheel is true. Hmm.

    Got in 4.5 hours on Saturday. Very nice to be out solo enjoying the wind and the KMs ticking by. Did get caught in three different rain storms, but still had a nice time.

    I do enjoy solo rides but I find myself getting a bit "bored" (not the right word, but something like that) between the 3-4 hour mark. With groups I can ride longer and not notice it, but still really haven't found a group I totally dig riding with. Anyone else love a three hour ride but begin to lose the thrill around four? Could be that I have plenty of work to do and know such long days in the saddle are not good for productive. Also could be that I've been riding light and not eating at all. Despite what the Lion says, I think I simply gotta take in some calories when I head out for many hours.

    Dear Ron,

    I hear you. Long rides require almost as much metal prep as physical prep.I did 7 hours on Saturday. It was very good and I knew I could do it as I did just over 6 he previous week in much harsher conditions. It's all in the build-up. As for eating, in the 7 hours I ate two Oatmeal to go bars, four gels and probably about 6 bottles. I should have drunk more. I prep with a big bowl of raw oats, yogurt and raisins. Bland as hell but easy on the stomach and nice slow release of carbs and energy. I eat it about an hour before I ride and don't go into the pockets until about 25 miles in.

    East Maui Loop; 170km, 2200km. Bidons: 2. Food: none. Pace: moderate. Lost one bidon on the bumpy section but did refill the other one once.

    That's training.

    I see another big volcano to the NW on that island......so, you weren't tempted to tag it on to the end for shits and giggles?

  • @ChrisO

    @TBONE On what distance/time rides would you consume all that ? Seems quite a lot.

    @Ron Certainly on long solo rides it is hard to maintain concentration - the mind wanders and I have had a couple of times when I've suddenly found myself about to ride into sand, or into the middle of a road. Eating helps maintain concentration, just with a bit of variance if nothing else.

    For an up to 4 hour ride I would have:

    Before - a banana smoothie (with soy milk and a weetabix thrown in)

    During - water and energy drink, a couple of dried figs

    Halfway - a date-filled biscuit (or an oat bar/flapjack)

    After - immediately, a bowl of cereal if at home, or if out I will pack some wraps with rice and sweet Potato.

    I'm less worried about my body consuming muscle during a ride - I train to avoid that. More concerned with replenishing glycogen afterwards.

    Over 4 hours I would eat more regularly, but a little bite every 45-60 mins - no more than a mouthful. Home made rice cakes or flapjack squares and figs or dates. The roast potatoes sound nice.

    What helped to finish me off at the end of me and @upthetrossachs big 360km London to York day out (ably supported by @mrsEngine) was that after about 12 hours I couldn't eat without nausea - wasn't cramping or anything so I was well hydrated but I just couldn't eat anything. If I took a little recovery time I could get back to some sort of speed but it was difficult to sustain. I also noticed that I was finding it impossible to get my heart rate up to what I'd consider normal for a ride.

    Training had been disrupted in the run up by having a couple of colds so I wasn't on my best form but nevertheless I'd like to finish the ride next year (that'll be another 360kms the following day then) and eating is challenge I need to overcome otherwise the experience will be disappointing again.Obviously I'd like to hear from anyone who's had the same problem and solved it.

    Thus far next year's planning consists of remembering to enter, being a bit more organised in travel to the start, sleep, kit checking and losing half our body weights.

    By the way - when the Strava map shows an entire country to get your ride in - you know you've gone a long way.

  • @G'rilla @T-Bone I agree, it is an awesome photo.

    It's the girl's hair and her expression that make it for me - she is trying to resist being sucked into the V-ortex of Merckx's slipstream.

    You can see that the smaller child behind was also being pulled in but has been grabbed  by an adult, who presumably had taken the precaution of tying himself to a tree, just out of shot.

    As for the woman, she's well fit, with signs of nicely developed guns. It is in fact Marianne Vos's grandmother, and a genetic fusion has occurred spontaneously as drops of Merckx's sweat found their way into those delightfully clinging slacks. But as we saw with Axel, even Merckx's DNA doesn't work fully in the next generation.

  • I find that some freehubs are obnoxiously loud and ratchety sounding, while performing as designed, while others (thankfully mine) are virtually silent. I would think that loud freehubs would be avoided by Velominati.

    As for the pic with that snugly clad woman, the seemingly unfortunate birth defect that precluded the young man having arms, likely saved his sister from getting pushed in front of the bike.

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