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La Vie Velominatus: The Sound of Silence

Tubular/Carbon hum; the unison of past and future.

In most situations, silence is an ominous thing that signals impending doom. Having never been in any danger myself, I base this largely on my experience watching box-office movies. As a general rule, I use Hollywood as the principal source of information on all subjects as they relate to doom and politics, principally because I’m loath to do any “reading” or “research” of my own; the more thinking an actor or actress can do for me, the better. The more glamorous they look, the more trustworthy they are.

For the Cyclist, however, silence signals efficiency. Noise is loss; every creak, squeak, click, clack, groan, moan, or other emanation of sound from our machine or body is energy escaping the system. Energy that we put into the system through hard-fought application of The V. That includes uncontrolled, dog-like panting or wheezing, and the creaking and clicking of body parts, by the way.

Sound is energy carried on waves of vibrating air. Sound escaping our bicycle or body as a consequence of us applying pressure to the pedals is evidence that some portion of our energy is being expended to produce noise instead of moving us forward. This makes noise intolerable and infuriating in equal measure and in extreme circumstances may precipitate a Rule #65-violating Millarcopter. Drivetrain noise means loss with every link of the chain that passes through the derailleur and over a cog. A click in the bottom bracket or a creaking in the cleat signals energy poured into compression of bearings or plastic, not speed. Wheezing or panting indicates air converted from V-giving breath into the useless rattling of a larynx.

Silence the machine, control your breathing into a steady, muscle-fueling source, and maximum V will follow. The mind fixates on noises and is distracted from The Work; it is only through the Principle of Silence that we may find Rule #6.

But riding a quiet bike is far from riding in the silent vacuum that signals impending danger. On the contrary, a silent bike submits us to the genuine beauty of our Sport: the whisper of the wind in our ear, the song of a bird who encourages us along our way, the crisp click of a perfect shift, the rhythmic patter of rain on our helmet, cap, or the tarmac as we carve our path along La Vie Velominatus.

But the most beautiful sound of Cycling has come to me late in my life as a Velominatus. My reluctance to ride sew-ups has for many years denied me the sublime sound of a handmade tubular rolling along the road. This world opened up to me early last year when I finally built a set of Golden Tickets for my introduction to the Hell of the North. This year, almost by accident, I wound up riding my Café Roubaix Arenbergs for all of Keepers Tour 2013, glued to the best set of tires available – the FMB Partis-Roubaix. The amplifying qualities of the deep-section carbon rim allows the supple hum of the handmade tubular to sing like Merckx’s mighty rollers upon the rock of Mount Velomis.

This sound inspires. It is a reason to get out to ride. It is a reason to be a Cyclist. This sound is a reason to live.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

SimonH says:

May 21 2013 at 12:57 pm

t i m e l y ... Fuck !,,
TBONE says:

May 21 2013 at 1:01 pm

@VeloVita

I always thought the advice regarding eating throughout the day was more about curbing binge cravings due to spikes/valleys in blood sugar as opposed to halting metabolism.

I have to snack on fruit and veggies all day long, it helps with the cravings and keeps my blood sugar consistent. If it gets too low I become even more insufferable than normal.
mcsqueak says:

May 21 2013 at 1:11 pm

@frank

Only when pedaling? Take the cassette off, clean it, grease all the spacers, and put it back on, tight.

Oh, and whatever you try, just try ONE THING AT A TIME. Don't change too many variables at once.

As far as I can tell... the ratchets make a nice clicky whir while coasting, so it's hard to hear if the noise is still there or not.
Ron says:

May 21 2013 at 1:26 pm

Frank - grease the spacers. I've cleaned my cassettes but never done this. Grease whether plastic or metal or just metal? A light coating of a general lube? I don't think something like the Park Tool grease would make the chain/cogs that happy. I guess if you are careful you can put it just on the spacers and the inside of the cogs, but not really have it getting on the chain?
wiscot says:

May 21 2013 at 1:30 pm

@frank

@wiscot

@frank

@Ron

Everyone gets bored on a long, solo ride. The trick is not minding that it hurts. Training alone is about exploring the darkest corners of yourself. On a 12 hour solo ride, things get very musty in the ol' mind. Doubt, obsession on the inconsequential, highs, lows. Its a beautiful thing that inspires one to become a better person.

I don't do those rides solo for the enjoyment of it, I do it because of how I feel afterwards. I do enjoy them, but at this point I can't separate the reward of having pushed myself to do something like that from the enjoyment of a long day on the bike. A group ride of that length gives you other things, but when you drop the flashlight deep in the pain cave, you would be alone even if you were riding through Times Square.

I agree with all of this except your food intake. My 7 hour ride was about 190kms. If I hadn't eaten I'd be dead by the side of the road. There's something great about committing yourself to be so far from home knowing that there's only one way back - your own effort. Yes, the rides are hard but there is immense satisfaction at the end. 8kms from the end I passed a friend walking their dog. I yelled "hi" and kept going. I was too close to the end to slow way down and chat. It's funny how you can keep going when you need to but if you give yourself a break, it'll be 100 times harder to finish.

To be fair, I brought cliff bars and shots, but didn't want to use them unless I had to. I wouldn't normally do that, but for a long winter training ride, it is a great way to lose weight. Wouldn't dream of that in the summer.

People disagree with me on my approach to food, but Museeuw and I agree and I like those odds.

Well that makes me feel a wee bit better. It was pretty warm here on Saturday when I did the 7 hours. Started off cloudy at 11am but warmed up fast. I was overdressed. And, as you know, SE WI isn't flat. My route was perpetually lumpy. I needed the food!
wiscot says:

May 21 2013 at 1:34 pm

@frank

@Blah

@Chris

That's disco corner. The lady in the powder blue slacks had meant to pull her top up but the speed of Merckx caught her out.

No way is she going to be able to pull that top up. It's all pretty packed in there and those pants aren't going to let go of the hem without a fight.

And what about the kid in the jump suit? Re-posting because it got buried. I have a feeling blue pants has some sweet shades on.

Ok, I don't want to come across as too pervy (but given some of the issues covered on this site, that's unlikely),, Ms Blue Slacks is of an undetermimed age, but look next to her left wrist; is she showing excitement at the Prophet's exertions?
unversio says:

May 21 2013 at 1:45 pm

@wiscot She's wearing a heart rate monitor strap -- of course.
wiscot says:

May 21 2013 at 1:54 pm

@unversio

@wiscot She's wearing a heart rate monitor strap "” of course.

No, in front of her wrist.
strathlubnaig says:

May 21 2013 at 2:02 pm

@frank

@Bespoke

I find that some freehubs are obnoxiously loud and ratchety sounding, while performing as designed, while others (thankfully mine) are virtually silent. I would think that loud freehubs would be avoided by Velominati.

I've never stopped pedaling, so I've never noticed the sound of my freehub.

Definite plus one on that reply.
eightzero says:

May 21 2013 at 2:04 pm

This is fine, fine writing. Indeed, the Principle of SIlence is of primary importance to me. I've found I like listening to all the subtle sounds of my bike. I've even discovered some of the noises are related to the expected flex of the components, and are not indicative of pending failure. I also do appreciate the difffrent sounds made by different tyres, and have found different road surfaces make huge differences.

As far as long term suffering, I've found that my thoughts involving the longest upcoming rides haunt me. Will I be able to survive the next Cogal? I've 6 complete centuries planned this year (not counting the uber-gruelling V-to-V Stage Cogal in late July) so I question my committment to suffering. Will I be worthy of the V? These thoughts along the white line distract me from my current work.