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La Vie Velominatus: The Sound of Silence

Tubular/Carbon hum; the unison of past and future.

In most situations, silence is an ominous thing that signals impending doom. Having never been in any danger myself, I base this largely on my experience watching box-office movies. As a general rule, I use Hollywood as the principal source of information on all subjects as they relate to doom and politics, principally because I’m loath to do any “reading” or “research” of my own; the more thinking an actor or actress can do for me, the better. The more glamorous they look, the more trustworthy they are.

For the Cyclist, however, silence signals efficiency. Noise is loss; every creak, squeak, click, clack, groan, moan, or other emanation of sound from our machine or body is energy escaping the system. Energy that we put into the system through hard-fought application of The V. That includes uncontrolled, dog-like panting or wheezing, and the creaking and clicking of body parts, by the way.

Sound is energy carried on waves of vibrating air. Sound escaping our bicycle or body as a consequence of us applying pressure to the pedals is evidence that some portion of our energy is being expended to produce noise instead of moving us forward. This makes noise intolerable and infuriating in equal measure and in extreme circumstances may precipitate a Rule #65-violating Millarcopter. Drivetrain noise means loss with every link of the chain that passes through the derailleur and over a cog. A click in the bottom bracket or a creaking in the cleat signals energy poured into compression of bearings or plastic, not speed. Wheezing or panting indicates air converted from V-giving breath into the useless rattling of a larynx.

Silence the machine, control your breathing into a steady, muscle-fueling source, and maximum V will follow. The mind fixates on noises and is distracted from The Work; it is only through the Principle of Silence that we may find Rule #6.

But riding a quiet bike is far from riding in the silent vacuum that signals impending danger. On the contrary, a silent bike submits us to the genuine beauty of our Sport: the whisper of the wind in our ear, the song of a bird who encourages us along our way, the crisp click of a perfect shift, the rhythmic patter of rain on our helmet, cap, or the tarmac as we carve our path along La Vie Velominatus.

But the most beautiful sound of Cycling has come to me late in my life as a Velominatus. My reluctance to ride sew-ups has for many years denied me the sublime sound of a handmade tubular rolling along the road. This world opened up to me early last year when I finally built a set of Golden Tickets for my introduction to the Hell of the North. This year, almost by accident, I wound up riding my Café Roubaix Arenbergs for all of Keepers Tour 2013, glued to the best set of tires available – the FMB Partis-Roubaix. The amplifying qualities of the deep-section carbon rim allows the supple hum of the handmade tubular to sing like Merckx’s mighty rollers upon the rock of Mount Velomis.

This sound inspires. It is a reason to get out to ride. It is a reason to be a Cyclist. This sound is a reason to live.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

May 21 2013 at 11:10 am

@Blah

@Chris

That's disco corner. The lady in the powder blue slacks had meant to pull her top up but the speed of Merckx caught her out.

No way is she going to be able to pull that top up. It's all pretty packed in there and those pants aren't going to let go of the hem without a fight.

And what about the kid in the jump suit? Re-posting because it got buried. I have a feeling blue pants has some sweet shades on.
frank says:

May 21 2013 at 11:13 am

@ChrisO

I'm less worried about my body consuming muscle during a ride - I train to avoid that. More concerned with replenishing glycogen afterwards.

Spot on, replenish afterwards but consuming muscle is, in my opinion, a modern myth by hobby nutritionists. I'm sure at some point you can start to consume muscle, but not so long as you are fit enough that you body knows HOW to burn fat and that you have fat left to burn.

Same with halting metabolism by not eating. Like I said before, if that were true starvation would be a non-issue.
frank says:

May 21 2013 at 11:18 am

@the Engine

Thus far next year's planning consists of remembering to enter, being a bit more organised in travel to the start, sleep, kit checking and losing half our body weights.

Start with solid foods, but as you carry on, you can switch to gels. Find some with less sugar but not chewing helps a lot. Plus, on a ride that long, chewing starts to be too energy-intensive anyway. I've been so burned that chewing caused a lactic acid fire in my jaw.

By the way - when the Strava map shows an entire country to get your ride in - you know you've gone a long way.

This.

@ChrisO

@G'rilla @T-Bone I agree, it is an awesome photo.

It's the girl's hair and her expression that make it for me - she is trying to resist being sucked into the V-ortex of Merckx's slipstream.

You can see that the smaller child behind was also being pulled in but has been grabbed by an adult, who presumably had taken the precaution of tying himself to a tree, just out of shot.

As for the woman, she's well fit, with signs of nicely developed guns. It is in fact Marianne Vos's grandmother, and a genetic fusion has occurred spontaneously as drops of Merckx's sweat found their way into those delightfully clinging slacks. But as we saw with Axel, even Merckx's DNA doesn't work fully in the next generation.

A masterpiece.
frank says:

May 21 2013 at 11:20 am

@Bespoke

I find that some freehubs are obnoxiously loud and ratchety sounding, while performing as designed, while others (thankfully mine) are virtually silent. I would think that loud freehubs would be avoided by Velominati.

I've never stopped pedaling, so I've never noticed the sound of my freehub.
frank says:

May 21 2013 at 11:22 am

@Chris

@Dr C

@Chris

@Bespoke

I find that some freehubs are obnoxiously loud and ratchety sounding, while performing as designed, while others (thankfully mine) are virtually silent. I would think that loud freehubs would be avoided by Velominati.

A true Velominati would not have a problem with such hubs. Since the ratchets can only be heard when freewheeling, any sound is either a sign of Anti-V or an an indication of whether or not Rule #23 is being observed.

Jinx!!

Great minds think alike...

Pro 2s are great hubs, keep it. I'm pretty sure that the Principle of Silence does not apply to hooning around in the woods and I can't think of anything else you'd be doing on a mountain bike with the exception of racing when you'd be pedalling all the time anyway.

This is correct; hub noise is not included, though it can be annoying. I happen to like the nice, crisp click of a hub, and both my Royce and Hope hubs have this characteristic.

I base this on spinning the wheel in the VVorkshop, as I don't stop pedaling, per the above. Of course.
frank says:

May 21 2013 at 11:26 am

@mcsqueak

@paolo

@scaler911

mavics by any chance? Just curious.

No, Revolution Wheelworks. It's like a combo click/creak, and it seems to happen at the same time on each revolution of the wheel, and under load as well - I did a bit of climbing with them on Sunday to test them out again and got a constant click/creak on hard out of the saddle climbing.

Last time we rode together scaler spent a bit of time checking it out as I pedaled, since it's hard to tell what's going on from the saddle.

Super frustrating, but at least my other wheelset doesn't make any noise so I've been riding those in the mean time.

Any ways, enough of that!

Only when pedaling? Take the cassette off, clean it, grease all the spacers, and put it back on, tight.

Oh, and whatever you try, just try ONE THING AT A TIME. Don't change too many variables at once.
frank says:

May 21 2013 at 11:28 am

@wiscot

@frank

@Ron

Everyone gets bored on a long, solo ride. The trick is not minding that it hurts. Training alone is about exploring the darkest corners of yourself. On a 12 hour solo ride, things get very musty in the ol' mind. Doubt, obsession on the inconsequential, highs, lows. Its a beautiful thing that inspires one to become a better person.

I don't do those rides solo for the enjoyment of it, I do it because of how I feel afterwards. I do enjoy them, but at this point I can't separate the reward of having pushed myself to do something like that from the enjoyment of a long day on the bike. A group ride of that length gives you other things, but when you drop the flashlight deep in the pain cave, you would be alone even if you were riding through Times Square.

I agree with all of this except your food intake. My 7 hour ride was about 190kms. If I hadn't eaten I'd be dead by the side of the road. There's something great about committing yourself to be so far from home knowing that there's only one way back - your own effort. Yes, the rides are hard but there is immense satisfaction at the end. 8kms from the end I passed a friend walking their dog. I yelled "hi" and kept going. I was too close to the end to slow way down and chat. It's funny how you can keep going when you need to but if you give yourself a break, it'll be 100 times harder to finish.

To be fair, I brought cliff bars and shots, but didn't want to use them unless I had to. I wouldn't normally do that, but for a long winter training ride, it is a great way to lose weight. Wouldn't dream of that in the summer.

People disagree with me on my approach to food, but Museeuw and I agree and I like those odds.
VeloVita says:

May 21 2013 at 11:50 am

@frank

Same with halting metabolism by not eating. Like I said before, if that were true starvation would be a non-issue.

I always thought the advice regarding eating throughout the day was more about curbing binge cravings due to spikes/valleys in blood sugar as opposed to halting metabolism.

Regardless, since I rarely get to ride anymore since become a parent, I never bring food. Since the rides I do get in are much shorter than they used to be, I need to burn all the calories I can. Anyone need a 10 gallon pail of quick dissolve maltodextrin? I've got two in my cycling gear closet going unused.
SimonH says:

May 21 2013 at 12:54 pm

It is only in the last month since taking delivery of my #2 that I really appreciate what the principal of silence is, and it's a fucking amazing feeling to hear the hum of the bike with nary a sound more than the workings of the machine.

My #1 is a touch of a weenie with very light contact points and with my too fat too climb mass aboard sometimes tests the upper working safe limits of the components. It teaches me that I need to work harder to be worthy of riding her on the best days.

The #2, being the newborn, is currently impressing the nuts off me. A repeat 170km sportive with 2,500m of vertical, 500m greater than a year ago, saw me completing in a time 20 mins quicker than before. I was less "dark" than before in the later stages where the man with the hammer comes knocking, I was astonished may how much better I felt. It also wears golden tickets laced and tried by my own hand to Royce hubs stuck to FMB 25mm Paris Roubaix tubs. I'm tempted to put my Enve 6.7 on to see how it is but worry that a classic lugged bike logged bike might look shit with such modern hoops.

Is there a rule that says you shouldn't put modern components on classic skinny steel ???

A timeout article Frank, can't believe how important the principal of silence is now that I have it in spades.
SimonH says:

May 21 2013 at 12:55 pm

Timelout to timeout, fucking fat fingers, even for my iPad !!!