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Look Pro: Keep a Lid on It

The most stylish bit of gear in Cycling history: the Cycling Cap

Cycling has been suffering a crisis every since the use of a helmet became compulsory. This crisis is rooted in the simple fact that cycling peaked aesthetically with the cycling cap perched casually deliberate atop a sweaty cranium. It was only after mandatory helmet dictum spread its tentacles into all UCI-sanctioned races in 2003 that helmet manufacturers began taking helmet design seriously.

To be clear, I am a helmet advocate. I never leave home without mine, and no Cyclist shall ever be allowed to start a Cogal without perching one on their noggin. But I do this in the knowledge that I look less Fantastic that if I were rolling out in a classic cotton Cycling Cap.

Specialized was the first to make inroads into building a stylish helmet with the Sub-Six. The fact that every other helmet was a hollowed-out bowling ball didn’t matter very much because no one wore them outside Belgium, and even there, they were permitted to wear the second-coolest piece of headgear, the Hairnet. Giro made some inroads with their Air Attack series, but progress was generally at a standstill until the hardshell became mandatory after the tragic death of Andrey Kivilev in Paris-Nice in 2003.

The issue of the helmet has also been compounded by the fact that most continental Pros had no clue how to wear a helmet, given that they spent most of their lives not wearing one. When asked to, they often suffered from Toad Head and other anomalies commonly encountered when violating the Three-Point System.

Helmets are a necessary evil which are improving in style, but they are all uglier than the hallowed Cycling Cap. When wearing a helmet, keep the following points in mind.

Keep the front low to the eyes. Forehead exposure must be limited to 1-2 cm at all times. As always, the Three-Point System is your guide.
Keep the chin strap snug, but not too tight; you need to be able to move your mouth sufficiently in order to allow for the inhaling of wasps.
Helmets look even worse without shades; they must be accompanied by cycling-specific eyewear at all times. If they are not in use over the eyes, they must be tucked in the helmet vents.
Helmets are under no circumstances to resemble that of one worn in other sports such as hockey or rock climbing.
If, at any point, you find yourself reaching for the same helmet as the hipster who arrived at the LBS aboard a fixie, reconsider your life because you are off the path.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

strathlubnaig says:

Jul 29 2013 at 3:18 pm

@Gianni

@Mike_P

Yeah, between the beards, glasses and hairstyles he looks like a madman, and I like him for it. He seems like a great guy. And his TdF crack about no one on Cav's Belgian team understanding what he yells about when he is upset, beautiful.

I'm liking Holm and his current "Maitre Jaques would love / ignore" tweets, and the Das Boot rules during the Tour.
Gianni says:

Jul 29 2013 at 3:30 pm

@strathlubnaig

Das Boot rules during the Tour? Tell me more. I am a huge fan of Das Boot and have made reference to it various times in articles here. But I'll be fucked if I'm going to start following anyone's tweets just yet. Ha! I'm not even sure how I would.
scaler911 says:

Jul 29 2013 at 3:44 pm

Cue anti-compulsory helmet wearing argument from @ChrisO in 3....2....1.....

(for the newbies around here, this may get way more out of hand than the shifter thingy).

But ya, wear it and wear it properly. Go to a shop and try a bunch on, because a Giro may look shite on you but a Rudy may be great.

Wrong:

Right:
scaler911 says:

Jul 29 2013 at 3:47 pm

If you're bleeding, IMO, you get a pass:
Marcus says:

Jul 29 2013 at 3:58 pm

No helmet discussion is ever complete without a photo of Ludo

And just to help your eyes re-adjust

Belov was such a rule-breaker
Marcus says:

Jul 29 2013 at 4:00 pm

@scaler911 I am more upset about Porte having put his right arm warmer on his left arm.
meursault says:

Jul 29 2013 at 4:09 pm

@Wrenchmonkey

Points to note

Secure all loose straps.
no stickers
Newbies, do NOT, on pain of death, put one on until you have been shown which bit is the front.

In line with the rules, decals are OK? I have one mod roundel on one side, and an Italian roundel on the other, small and tasteful.
TBONE says:

Jul 29 2013 at 4:18 pm

@meursault

OT, on pain of death, put one on until you have been shown which bit is the front.
In line with the rules, decals are OK? I have one mod roundel on one side, and an Italian roundel on the other, small and tasteful.

Fuckin decnals, man! Check those out!
Ron says:

Jul 29 2013 at 4:18 pm

Wow, nice Apres Velo t-shirt. It helps overlook her Kittel-esque pompadour.

I stopped by my LBS last week to thank my mechanic with some liquid reimbursement. He was talking to this beautiful girl about/who had her bicycle. I was indignant I don't know her, as if I should know all beautiful cycling gals in town. She was of the level that I almost stared, simply because you don't often see such natural beauty beyond a movie or fashion magazine.

Holm. I like people with individual style but he seems to be bordering on Vaughters territory, a dude in my case who tries to hard to stand out. Gotta balance class with ostentatiousness, in my book.
GD says:

Jul 29 2013 at 4:56 pm

I am just grateful that it is possible to buy a helmet that weighs under 3kg. Somewhere in the early 1980s my parents insisted on buying me one of the first 'bike' helmets to come onto the Australian market. Cunningly it came in two variations (yellow or white shell with dodgy red stickers dotted down the middle. The exterior design tried but largely failed to draw attention away from the fact that you were essentially wearing a surplus infantry helmet from WW2. From memory, there was no padding, absolutely no ventilation and the straps were pretty much of the 'one size fits none' variety. The weight was such that you could heear your spine compacting as you strapped it on. I would probably be about 6'6' if not for this helmet. Accordingly, you were ridiculously top heavy and riding a bike in a straight line was on par with attempting to roller skate on ice while drunk. For those in Australia, this helmet made you look like a utter COTHO and even a stackhat would have been preferable. Sadly Google images hasn't been able to turn up a sample. With this in mind, I am happy to wear any modern helmet.