Look Pro: Keep a Lid on It
Cycling has been suffering a crisis every since the use of a helmet became compulsory. This crisis is rooted in the simple fact that cycling peaked aesthetically with the cycling cap perched casually deliberate atop a sweaty cranium. It was only after mandatory helmet dictum spread its tentacles into all UCI-sanctioned races in 2003 that helmet manufacturers began taking helmet design seriously.
To be clear, I am a helmet advocate. I never leave home without mine, and no Cyclist shall ever be allowed to start a Cogal without perching one on their noggin. But I do this in the knowledge that I look less Fantastic that if I were rolling out in a classic cotton Cycling Cap.
Specialized was the first to make inroads into building a stylish helmet with the Sub-Six. The fact that every other helmet was a hollowed-out bowling ball didn’t matter very much because no one wore them outside Belgium, and even there, they were permitted to wear the second-coolest piece of headgear, the Hairnet. Giro made some inroads with their Air Attack series, but progress was generally at a standstill until the hardshell became mandatory after the tragic death of Andrey Kivilev in Paris-Nice in 2003.
The issue of the helmet has also been compounded by the fact that most continental Pros had no clue how to wear a helmet, given that they spent most of their lives not wearing one. When asked to, they often suffered from Toad Head and other anomalies commonly encountered when violating the Three-Point System.
Helmets are a necessary evil which are improving in style, but they are all uglier than the hallowed Cycling Cap. When wearing a helmet, keep the following points in mind.
- Keep the front low to the eyes. Forehead exposure must be limited to 1-2 cm at all times. As always, the Three-Point System is your guide.
- Keep the chin strap snug, but not too tight; you need to be able to move your mouth sufficiently in order to allow for the inhaling of wasps.
- Helmets look even worse without shades; they must be accompanied by cycling-specific eyewear at all times. If they are not in use over the eyes, they must be tucked in the helmet vents.
- Helmets are under no circumstances to resemble that of one worn in other sports such as hockey or rock climbing.
- If, at any point, you find yourself reaching for the same helmet as the hipster who arrived at the LBS aboard a fixie, reconsider your life because you are off the path.
[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/helmets/”/]
@frank speedy work!
Why did I own one of those shiet early Giro helmets when the Specialized ones that looked so much better? Maybe no Spesh dealers nearby but you are right, all the early Brancale, Bell, Giro helmets sucked DB.
Also, the Three-Point System is hard to deal with when one has a massive, thick-walled, nearly empty skull. Helmets just can’t cover all that real estate. Maybe that is the only thing I have in common with Fignon.
Points to note
Secure all loose straps.
no stickers
Newbies, do NOT, on pain of death, put one on until you have been shown which bit is the front.
Also, I did rock the headband back then, in the pre-helmet days. Not a 5 cm one though. Same issue with the one-size-fits all caps and my giant skull, it does not look like a Bugno approved fit.
Ulrich looks better without the cap. And the weight. And the chins.
I hope this piece is a rules refresher/teaser for a soon to be released V-Cap?
@Gianni Brian Holm does put a smile on my face. His face furniture makes him look increasingly like he’s auditioning for the remake of Castaway and he is clearly using Marcel Kittel’s barber these days.
If you lived in Holland would you wear one to pick up your morning broodje? I think you’re losing your Dutch roots mate.You should move to Europe and you’d get rid off that ugly lid in no time.Lids are for racing and they are all ugly in one way or another.
Great shame cause we will never ride a cogal.
@CanuckChuck
+1
@Mike_P
Yeah, between the beards, glasses and hairstyles he looks like a madman, and I like him for it. He seems like a great guy. And his TdF crack about no one on Cav’s Belgian team understanding what he yells about when he is upset, beautiful.
@Gianni he’d certainly be on my fantasy dinner guest list. Him and Aldag back together giving each other shit ha
@Chris
Can we now discuss how the Giro Transfer just doesn’t work as well as the top end Aeon?
My first helmet was a Cooper Hockey in 1980. The first day I wore it a guy ran a light and I ended up under his car. Next was a skid lid. The gigantic bell helmets were nuts. I stayed with the marginally effective Skid Lid for years while riding my 1979 COPPI with campy and Modolo brakes.
Frank, strong work to get us off the Tiagra shifter debate!
I have an Air Attack and Sub Six sitting in my garage. We’ve come a long way, baby, on helmet design and fitting. “Not snug enough for you sir? Why not add a bunch of sticky-backed foam inside your helmet to make it “fit.”
I have to disagree on you calling out Monsieur Fignon on his 3 point violation. Those are prescription glasses and cycling specfic eyewear (as far as I know) did not have Rx inserts back then. Add to this the fact that the legs of his glasses would not have fit around the straps properly, and they would likely have kept falling off. I say he gets an exemption.
I wish I could say the same for Sean Kelly who despite being my #1 rider of all time, wore some god-awful brain buckets (I’m looking at you, Brancale) for the $$$ as thy were not mandatory when he wore them.
@wiscot
They’re called ‘Tiagra Tiaras’ now.
@wiscot
There was a Tiagra debate? I’m sorry, I was too busy riding my bike to notice.
@frank
Let’s never speak of it again.
In my early days I was still wearing a hollowed-out bowling ball. Then I crashed hard in the rain. My mother took pity on my head, my helmet, and my Budgetatus and gave me money for a new one, which I put towards a Specialized M3, still a cool looking helmet.
I’m digging the Uvex helmets on Argos-Shimano and the Kabusha helmets on Lampre these days.
Good work, Frank! I really like point #5. Tri-spoke wheels, 20 cm handlebars, tight denim and then to top the form-over-function cake a skateboard helmet because, ya know, those roadies are just prickjobs.
Also, very timely. Last Friday I was heading out with the VMH, in an auto. I try not to be on a bicycle on the roads Fridays between 16-19:00, as people go fucking bonkers after a work week and in search of their first drink. Too damn aggressive for me.
We’re on one of the busiest local roads, lots of traffic, lights, and TGIFriday type shitholes. There are other roads that take you out of town with far, far less traffic. I spot a cyclist. USPS jersey, Trek USPS bike, M-Frames, no helmet, no lights, riding in heavy traffic. Holy fuck. Did COTHO circa 2002 come to town with a death wish in tow?
I’m seriously intrigued by this character. Lance love and a riding in Friday traffic without a helmet. What in the hell?
@frank
Damn you’re good.
@Gianni
I’m liking Holm and his current “Maitre Jaques would love / ignore” tweets, and the Das Boot rules during the Tour.
@strathlubnaig
Das Boot rules during the Tour? Tell me more. I am a huge fan of Das Boot and have made reference to it various times in articles here. But I’ll be fucked if I’m going to start following anyone’s tweets just yet. Ha! I’m not even sure how I would.
Cue anti-compulsory helmet wearing argument from @ChrisO in 3….2….1…..
(for the newbies around here, this may get way more out of hand than the shifter thingy).
But ya, wear it and wear it properly. Go to a shop and try a bunch on, because a Giro may look shite on you but a Rudy may be great.
Wrong:
Right:
If you’re bleeding, IMO, you get a pass:
No helmet discussion is ever complete without a photo of Ludo
And just to help your eyes re-adjust
Belov was such a rule-breaker
@scaler911 I am more upset about Porte having put his right arm warmer on his left arm.
@Wrenchmonkey
In line with the rules, decals are OK? I have one mod roundel on one side, and an Italian roundel on the other, small and tasteful.
@meursault
Fuckin decnals, man! Check those out!
Wow, nice Apres Velo t-shirt. It helps overlook her Kittel-esque pompadour.
I stopped by my LBS last week to thank my mechanic with some liquid reimbursement. He was talking to this beautiful girl about/who had her bicycle. I was indignant I don’t know her, as if I should know all beautiful cycling gals in town. She was of the level that I almost stared, simply because you don’t often see such natural beauty beyond a movie or fashion magazine.
Holm. I like people with individual style but he seems to be bordering on Vaughters territory, a dude in my case who tries to hard to stand out. Gotta balance class with ostentatiousness, in my book.
I am just grateful that it is possible to buy a helmet that weighs under 3kg. Somewhere in the early 1980s my parents insisted on buying me one of the first ‘bike’ helmets to come onto the Australian market. Cunningly it came in two variations (yellow or white shell with dodgy red stickers dotted down the middle. The exterior design tried but largely failed to draw attention away from the fact that you were essentially wearing a surplus infantry helmet from WW2. From memory, there was no padding, absolutely no ventilation and the straps were pretty much of the ‘one size fits none’ variety. The weight was such that you could heear your spine compacting as you strapped it on. I would probably be about 6’6′ if not for this helmet. Accordingly, you were ridiculously top heavy and riding a bike in a straight line was on par with attempting to roller skate on ice while drunk. For those in Australia, this helmet made you look like a utter COTHO and even a stackhat would have been preferable. Sadly Google images hasn’t been able to turn up a sample. With this in mind, I am happy to wear any modern helmet.
@Marcus
Agreed, that eyesore has upset my cognitive dissonance….
I see people wearing a lot of these around town, and it seems like they’d be hot as fuck under there during the summer.
Oops sorry, should have posted the one Frank wears:
@mcsqueak Nice. If you are trying to jump the Grand Canyon on a motorbike…
@mcsqueak
That’s pretty stylin’. Who was Eddy Mercko?
@Gianni
There have been comments that he’s rocking the beard of a German U-Boat captain
Actually saw someone wearing a version of this on my ride into work today. The mind boggles.
http://www.designboom.com/design/this-paper-pulp-bike-helmet-can-save-your-life/
@CanuckChuck
A V-Cap! Oh Merckx, I hope so!!!
I usaully dont wear a helment unless I am in the mountains or USAC makes me. My wife says I have too many caps but I use a variation of Rule #12; c+1, c=cap, a Rule #12c if you will.
V-Cap!!!!V-Cap!!!!V-Cap!!!!
No helmet will touch my fuzzy head unless it rests upon a cycling cap, brim forward to shield my eyes from the sun or the many droplets of water that we experience in the great PacNW…
@Mikael Liddy
This was the genesis of the Das Boot references
@TBONE
What did I just watch? It’s like non-violent Jackass.
@Wrenchmonkey
Aces. Absolutely aces.
This is @packfiller’s Twitter profile pic. Solid fucking gold.
@Gianni
Is this why?
@frank
Holy shit! What an awesome photo! I was wondering why he’d be on the tops on his TT bike:
Then I noticed the cobbles.
@TommyTubolare
Dutchmen are exempt from the Helmet Cogal Rule on account of Being Awesome.
@Skip
To your dis/credit (add or remove prefix depending on whether you love/hate the article), I was feeling a bit of writer’s block when you asked the question. I went and dropped my morning deuce and voila!
You only get one of those per season, just FYI.
@mouse
I was going to ignore it, but now I have to look.
Thanks anyway.
I’m able to write this post because I was wearing my helmet when I touched wheels in a paceline and took a 35 kph digger 9 days ago. Without it I’d be in the ICU…instead I got away with a mild concussion. Yes the chin strap was fastened and snug. You can see 3 breaks in the foam liner because my helmet did it’s job and absorbed the crash impact before it got to my skull. Ruby, however, suffered irreparable frame damage. Thankfully, Trek’s crash replacement program is pretty generous, and they over-nighted me a new frame.
Yup, I’m a believer.
@Ron
No offense to anyone living it and loving it south of the Mason-Dixon Line, but as a mate, I have to tell you that as a former New Yorker, you appear to have lost your spirit.
Where you used to live “too aggressive for me” meant “turned the gun sideways”.
@Ron
You think that’s bad? Imagine being named Lance and being a serious cyclist in this day and age. V-V Cogal Dominator Lance is living that nightmare.
Although I suspect he might also have been doping.
@Marcus
Which of those pictures were supposed to make our eyes re-adjust? That was like dropping acid to let you brain re-adjust from watching Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.