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Look Pro: Keep a Lid on It

The most stylish bit of gear in Cycling history: the Cycling Cap

Cycling has been suffering a crisis every since the use of a helmet became compulsory. This crisis is rooted in the simple fact that cycling peaked aesthetically with the cycling cap perched casually deliberate atop a sweaty cranium. It was only after mandatory helmet dictum spread its tentacles into all UCI-sanctioned races in 2003 that helmet manufacturers began taking helmet design seriously.

To be clear, I am a helmet advocate. I never leave home without mine, and no Cyclist shall ever be allowed to start a Cogal without perching one on their noggin. But I do this in the knowledge that I look less Fantastic that if I were rolling out in a classic cotton Cycling Cap.

Specialized was the first to make inroads into building a stylish helmet with the Sub-Six. The fact that every other helmet was a hollowed-out bowling ball didn’t matter very much because no one wore them outside Belgium, and even there, they were permitted to wear the second-coolest piece of headgear, the Hairnet. Giro made some inroads with their Air Attack series, but progress was generally at a standstill until the hardshell became mandatory after the tragic death of Andrey Kivilev in Paris-Nice in 2003.

The issue of the helmet has also been compounded by the fact that most continental Pros had no clue how to wear a helmet, given that they spent most of their lives not wearing one. When asked to, they often suffered from Toad Head and other anomalies commonly encountered when violating the Three-Point System.

Helmets are a necessary evil which are improving in style, but they are all uglier than the hallowed Cycling Cap. When wearing a helmet, keep the following points in mind.

Keep the front low to the eyes. Forehead exposure must be limited to 1-2 cm at all times. As always, the Three-Point System is your guide.
Keep the chin strap snug, but not too tight; you need to be able to move your mouth sufficiently in order to allow for the inhaling of wasps.
Helmets look even worse without shades; they must be accompanied by cycling-specific eyewear at all times. If they are not in use over the eyes, they must be tucked in the helmet vents.
Helmets are under no circumstances to resemble that of one worn in other sports such as hockey or rock climbing.
If, at any point, you find yourself reaching for the same helmet as the hipster who arrived at the LBS aboard a fixie, reconsider your life because you are off the path.

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frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Jul 30 2013 at 12:43 pm

@Cyclops

Is that the climb to Grand Targhee?

@scaler911

@Cyclops

I've seen your Strava posts. I didn't know there were hills there.

Bless you, that really made me laugh.
frank says:

Jul 30 2013 at 12:56 pm

@scaler911

@wiscot

It's purdy country if'n you like white supremacists and po-tat-toes.

And guns. You gotta be down with guns. And not too crazy about people none, neither.
meursault says:

Jul 30 2013 at 1:19 pm

@Gianni

@Buck Rogers

@Gianni

@strathlubnaig

Das Boot rules during the Tour? Tell me more. I am a huge fan of Das Boot and have made reference to it various times in articles here. But I'll be fucked if I'm going to start following anyone's tweets just yet. Ha! I'm not even sure how I would.

I watched the uncut, 5 or 6 hour long German TV version of this movie about two years ago all in one go. Man, what a movie! Fuck'in blew me away and I was crushed for about two days following the marathon viewing of it. A true must see.

Buck, I was trapped in Kiel Germany for a few weeks and toured a WWII U-Boat. One, it was some cramped scary mofo and two, it took all my self-control not to be using all my Das Boot german while there.

Read another uboat book called Iron Coffins by an ex Captain. Fascinating read and as good as Das Boot. Probably due to Enigma being cracked, but those things were death traps.
TommyTubolare says:

Jul 30 2013 at 1:39 pm

@frank

Ha.That cracks me up.Cheers.

See you at the Cogal-someday, someplace.
the Engine says:

Jul 30 2013 at 2:04 pm

@Gianni

@Buck Rogers

@Gianni

@strathlubnaig

Das Boot rules during the Tour? Tell me more. I am a huge fan of Das Boot and have made reference to it various times in articles here. But I'll be fucked if I'm going to start following anyone's tweets just yet. Ha! I'm not even sure how I would.

I watched the uncut, 5 or 6 hour long German TV version of this movie about two years ago all in one go. Man, what a movie! Fuck'in blew me away and I was crushed for about two days following the marathon viewing of it. A true must see.

Buck, I was trapped in Kiel Germany for a few weeks and toured a WWII U-Boat. One, it was some cramped scary mofo and two, it took all my self-control not to be using all my Das Boot german while there.

Alaaaaaaaaarm!
El Cannon says:

Jul 30 2013 at 2:05 pm

Any advice for adjusting shades so that they stay tucked into helmet vents?

When I first got my black Propero II life was perfect: the shoes matched the socks, matched the bike, matched the tires, matched the seat, matched the kit, matched the bar tape, matched the helmet, black, black, black....ahhhh... I get shudder just thinking about the beauty of it. Slowly my shades, Half Jackets, began slipping from the vents. At first just when dropping my head in exhaustion, then while peaking under my elbow, and now they come unseated at every bump, twist, and turn. I am forced to at all times wear them over my eyes, because I refuse the disgrace of slipping an ear piece between my neck and jersey.
the Engine says:

Jul 30 2013 at 2:07 pm

@frank

@scaler911

@wiscot

It's purdy country if'n you like white supremacists and po-tat-toes.

And guns. You gotta be down with guns. And not too crazy about people none, neither.

Sounds awfully like Mintlaw
Cyclops says:

Jul 30 2013 at 2:07 pm

@wiscot

@Cyclops

I went for a little spin near my house yesterday. Idaho sucks in that we have to ride in what we call the American Dolomites. Note the La Vie Claire cycling cap (I ride a LOOK) and the Euro switchback in the background.

How do you build such beautiful bikes with such sausage-like fingers?

And seriously, that's Idaho? Wow! Is that road paved or gravel? It's had to tell. Whatever, that's some real purty country you got there.

That's a thumb lame-brain. Paved and butter smoof.

@frank

@Cyclops

Is that the climb to Grand Targhee?

Yes. We even got a little Rule 9 toward the top. And what made it more sublime was that I was riding with a Cat 3 from Texas (elevation 190m) who was not yet acclimated to the 2500m elevation so it was nice to be on the dishing out end of the climbing suffering for once.
the Engine says:

Jul 30 2013 at 2:09 pm

@El Cannon

Any advice for adjusting shades so that they stay tucked into helmet vents?

When I first got my black Propero II life was perfect: the shoes matched the socks, matched the bike, matched the tires, matched the seat, matched the kit, matched the bar tape, matched the helmet, black, black, black....ahhhh... I get shudder just thinking about the beauty of it. Slowly my shades, Half Jackets, began slipping from the vents. At first just when dropping my head in exhaustion, then while peaking under my elbow, and now they come unseated at every bump, twist, and turn. I am forced to at all times wear them over my eyes, because I refuse the disgrace of slipping an ear piece between my neck and jersey.

Exactly the same thing with my Jawbones and new Giro - exactly the same as the recently mangled one but the Oakleys just won't go in.
the Engine says:

Jul 30 2013 at 2:13 pm

On a related shades note - my daughter pointed out whilst we were in the Pyrenees how she'd managed to get my perfect kit matching red and black Jawbones for such a reasonable price. It says "Livestrong" on the inside of the earpieces - I swear I hadn't noticed until she showed me but what can I do?