Training Properly clearly isn’t everyone’s bag, baby. Heart rate, power, cadence; it’s all bollocks if you are being told to hold back, or are put into a place where you don’t want/aren’t supposed to be. If it hurts, and you’re flying, it’s working. If it hurts, and you’re crawling, it’s not working. No amount of handlebar-mounted gadgetry can convince us of what we already know; no matter how hard we may think we are going, we are probably going nowhere near hard enough. So, armed with years of field testing and a plethora of poor performance to draw upon, the team at V-Lab have developed the ultimate training tool for the discerning proponent of Rule #74.
Enter the V-Meter.
No confusing read-out. No buttons to push. No debate as to what you need to do. Just look down, ruminate briefly on the message conveyed to your oxygen-starved brain and lactate-laden legs, and V the fuck outa there. What’s the gradient of the climb? V. How fast are you going? V. What’s your heart rate doing? Your V-max? You will instantly and unequivocally know the answer.
Accordingly, the V-Meter is intended as a single-use device; after your first ride using the V-Meter, all the important and relevant numbers will be ingrained on your psyche, and the V-Meter should be removed from your bike and placed in the nearest refuse receptacle. Not only will you be freed from the burden of irrelevant numerology, so too will your steed be clean, sleek and 74 compliant.
*V-Meter not an actual product. Results may be fictional. Rule 5 sold seperately. If pain persists, good. Send V dollars to V-Lab for full program.
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Somehow I've ended up ahead of the pack here. My crap cateye demanded more batteries months ago and I threw the whole mess away. All it did was tell me I was not climbing well for my weight anyway so it had to go. I really don't care about distance or average speed anymore(I'm an old fuck), I just like to ride and look decent doing it...and not get dropped by guys with white goatees, or dudes on mountain bikes, or 12 year olds.
Excellent research Brett.
@Gianni
You and me both, my friend. My bike is now 28 grams lighter and I ride, like, V times harder.
@Brett
This is absolutely inspired. I might not have gotten rid of my cateye if I'd known it could be salvaged like this. I think you've got a real money-maker on your hands here. V and genius don't often go hand in hand, but you've identified a critical exception.
@Steampunk
I might have found a use for the helmet mirror Brett sold me. If I put a V-decal (NOT "sticker") over it, then whenever I looked "behind" I would see the V coming up hard on me and would be motivated to ride harder.
@G'phant
Sounds like an innovative improvement, but I really don't think that justifies the helmet mirror.
@G'phant
You're clutching at straws.
@G'phant
@Steampunk
@Brett
I thought helmet mirrors were only intended to be detached and used as an examination tool for saddle sores?
"If pain persists, good."
Fucking genius.
A Merckx! Too much data drives me crazy. Just ride and ride hard.
I'm actually considering giving up on a few of my local group rides because the dudes discuss data so fucking much both before & after the ride. It really steals the fun when someone tells you what their average HR was during the final five miles. I don't care, pal.
I use very simple, basic computers, but I think my resolution this year will be to only use the V-Meter.
@Ron
Yes! There is nothing like riding without anymore information than a watch. A nice watch. Like Leman's watch in the previous article.
And stick to those group rides with the guys who won't shut up about their wattage and heart rates. After a while, they'll pick up on the fact that you lay down the V without any more information than how you feel.
The look of a clean bar and stem is magnificent.
here's one of my favorite tactics: upon approaching a group riders whom are in blatant violation of the RULES (this happened recently, where i counted 5 violations, which were RULES 21, 23, 29, 33, and 62), look down at the V-Meter 3 pedal strokes before getting out of the saddle to initiate attack, count 1-2 then on 3 GET OUT OF THE SADDLE, kick hard upon approach of the group, pass the group gracefully (this is key) easing back into the saddle, keep cadence high, check V-Meter for confirmation of RULE V. look back to asses damage, if necessary.