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The Elements

Farrar and Vansummeren study the effects of cold and reduced friction. Photo: Pedale.Forchetta

Water is an asshole, at least when it comes to bicycles. So is wind, now that I think of it; I don’t love it, unless its at my back, but that rarely seems to happen even on out-and-back routes. Fire’s not winning any prizes either, unless you’re talking about the hunk-a-hunka burnin’ V. Even le soleil isn’t scoring points for either the bike or the rider, unless given in carefully-controlled amounts, a fact which has large portions of the Pacific Northwest – perhaps the gloomiest place on Earth – buying up more high-SPF sunscreen and sunglasses per capita than any other place in the civilized world.

In other words, Nature’s a bit of a beyotch.

As far as our bikes go, water seems to be the biggest of these opponents. When I rode the 7-hour Heck of the North over clay-gravel roads in wind and rain; the wind was unpleasant but it left no indelible mark on me, apart from some sore muscles. The rain, on the other hand, combined with the clay from the roads to form a slurry that destroyed every bearing in my bike save one – not to mention the quarter cup of slurry that found its way into my chamois. The replacement bearings took a few weeks to source and install; the damage from the sandy chammy took over a month to heal. Water – and the additional wear it imposes on the machine (and sometimes our bodies), is not to be under estimated.

Water also introduces direct challenges while riding, the nuances of which can be explored while climbing or cornering by means of spinning out and crashing, respectively. Things get particularly interesting right around the freezing point, where the laws of physics governing cornering take on The Price is Right rules.

I have long espoused the merits of riding in bad weather; it removes the seductive qualities of riding a bike that see the weekend warriors flocking to the sport in droves during the summer months. In bad weather, the simple act of going out is already enough to make you feel the strength of your resolve as a Cyclist. But the fundamental pleasure of riding remains the same, with the added bonus of the clothing we wear making us look like the hardmen from Belgium and the dripping of water from our cycling caps serving as a metronome as we tap out our lonely path towards Mount Velomis.

We don’t ride because we love tree-lined boulevards and sunny afternoons; we ride because we love testing ourselves against our minds and the elements. There is a simple pleasure to be found in enduring a challenge; to learn to face hardship with a welcoming smile is a gift that riding a bicycle uniquely helps us discover.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

ped says:

Dec 4 2013 at 2:03 am

@Chris "My local purveyor of fine booze stocks Rochefort 10 so it's highly likely that I will get fucked at some point in the lead up to Christmas."

Rohypnol's probably easier to come by stateside if that's what you're hoping to achieve
Chris says:

Dec 4 2013 at 2:15 am

@ped I wasn't suggesting that the Rochefort be supplied to others a beer goggles or social lubricant. A word can have more than one meaning.
ped says:

Dec 4 2013 at 2:40 am

@Chris of course, far too much time on my hands today, I'll go do your quiz
minion says:

Dec 4 2013 at 2:59 am

@Gianni

@Marcus

@PeakInTwoYears

@Gianni

@frank

I remember the rainy rides in Maui with you - it blew my tiny little mind that the rain was warm. It was like taking a hot shower.

I always repeat Peter Van Petegem's words, "this weather is good for us", as it starts to rain on a ride out here. @mauibike and I can embrace the rain and go a little harder knowing it will keep us cooler. Yeah, Rule #9 is more difficult to define in Hawaii but like ChrisO points out, riding in really hot weather falls under #9 too, I hope.

Yeah, the rain there is warm, but your sharks are biting our feet off and killing us Washingtonians. Your shark attacks this year are up 300% over the 20-year average? WTF? Were your sharks supposed to get an email or something? This metric is going in the wrong direction.

Hawaiian sharks are pussies - come down to Australia, particularly Western Australia, if you want good weather and fatal shark attacks. And shit beer.

Our sharks are doing pretty well for being pussies. Killing and biting, a lot.

It's taken all the fun out of swimming offshore with meat flippers. Luckily, our beer is good.

What are the relative populations?

Gotta be honest but Australians are probably a lot more appetising to a shark that Hawaiians. I'm gonna expect that Hawaiians are generally a lot better in the water than your average fat fucker lolling around on an Aussie beach before waddling into the water, having marinaded themselves for a lifetime with bacon and chips.
Chris says:

Dec 4 2013 at 3:14 am

@minion

What are the relative populations?

Gotta be honest but Australians are probably a lot more appetising to a shark that Hawaiians. I'm gonna expect that Hawaiians are generally a lot better in the water than your average fat fucker lolling around on an Aussie beach before waddling into the water, having marinaded themselves for a lifetime with bacon and chips.

Don't the Hawaiins have a propensity for obesity as well? I thought the difference was bacon & pineapple v bacon & chips.
DerHoggz says:

Dec 4 2013 at 3:19 am

@Chris

@frank

I've had no luck with Neoprene because I sweat from the inside and get just as cold. Thick wool gloves are good, or windproof.

But yeah - I've had to shift using my palm because my hands were so cold. The best I've found is a good thick winter cycling cap and that oddly keeps the warm in enough to keep the hands warmish.

DeFeet's woolly gloves are awesome. I went through a stack of other winter gloves but ended up giving most of them away. Warm, wet, breathing hands are fine but warm, sweaty, stewed hand, no thanks.

They're great, just too thin so the wind goes right through them.
tessar says:

Dec 4 2013 at 3:21 am

@frank

I've had no luck with Neoprene because I sweat from the inside and get just as cold. Thick wool gloves are good, or windproof.

They work for Tom, so make them work for you:

Seriously, though: Neoprene works by trapping moisture inside. If you wear Neo only after you've started cooling down, you only trap your cold fingers inside - in cold weather they don't get enough circulation to then reheat. Try wearing Neo gloves (on bare skin) right as you head out the door on a cold day - if you start the ride with hot fingers, it should form the right sweat-barrier to keep you warm. Incidentally, that's why triathletes and surfers pee in their wetsuits (or the more civilized option of stepping into a warm shower pre-swim, or scooping some lakewater by your neck) - warm moisture that helps it insulate.

I've ridden Assos' rainGlove and Castelli's Diluvio in hail and low single-digit temps and retained mobility and a bit of feel in my fingers - more than any other glove I've tried.
antihero says:

Dec 4 2013 at 4:24 am

@DerHoggz

Trying to trim the front derailleur with frozen hands when you have to stare at the lever or derailleur because you can't feel actually feel anything is pretty common for me. The feeling of hands and feet thawing is excruciating, feels like your bones are trying to grow through your fingers and toes. I find a more gradual warm-up works better then jumping straight into a hot shower. I usually spend several minutes curled up on the floor in a fetal position with my hands smashed behind my knees crafting monologues of obscenities. It seems to work.

Winter reminds us to ride Sur La Plaque at all times...shifting is unnecessary. I also suggest riding sans hands while keeping one's arms neatly folded - it will warm your hands up in no time. Note that this maneuver must be performed with strict adherence to rule 80.
Rom says:

Dec 4 2013 at 5:08 am

@Chris

@minion

What are the relative populations?

Gotta be honest but Australians are probably a lot more appetising to a shark that Hawaiians. I'm gonna expect that Hawaiians are generally a lot better in the water than your average fat fucker lolling around on an Aussie beach before waddling into the water, having marinaded themselves for a lifetime with bacon and chips.

Don't the Hawaiins have a propensity for obesity as well? I thought the difference was bacon & pineapple V bacon & chips.

Sharks here in Aus usually prefer stringy surfers or divers. One poor diver recently had his second attack And got bitten in the head.
unversio says:

Dec 4 2013 at 6:03 am

@frank

I can buy the 6, 8, and 10 at the local grocery market up the street. You are not living in the right town if you need to order it.

I must be thinking of some other Trappist Ale...