La Vie Velominatus: Saleté Sacrée

Sacred Flemish grime covered our bikes on Keepers Tour.

A Velominatus maintains their machine with meticulous care, doting over it daily. A bicycle is a tool, but it is also a work of art, and serves us loyally in pursuit of our craft. We love them as though they were alive; as we grow together, the cracks and lines formed upon both our skins signifies the journey that has passed beneath our wheels.

A clean bicycle with a boastful luster inspires pride; I find myself constantly fighting the urge to carry mine upstairs to sit by the dinner table each time it has been cleaned, the bar tape freshly wrapped, or any old component swapped for a new one. I’m sure a psychiatrist would have a thing or two to say about it; I know the VMH does.

And yet, there are times when it pains me to clean my machine. After our first day on the Cobbles of Roubaix on Keepers Tour 2012, I left my bike dirty for two days because I couldn’t bring myself to rid her frame of the sacred dust that had accumulated after a day’s hard riding over some of the most hallowed roads in the world. A week later, I suffered the same condition the day after riding the route of De Ronde through hail, rain, and wind which left our machines covered in mud, manure, and Merckx knows what else. I think some part of me hoped the Flemish spirit held within all that grit would somehow be absorbed by my bike, that it would somehow help complete her soul.

But this kind of sacred dirt, the kind we don’t want to wash from our steeds, isn’t found only on the holy roads of Northern Europe. I found myself with the same reluctance to clean my Graveur after riding Heck of the North this year; a race held outside a small Northern Minnesota town nearly half a world from Flanders. I also serendipitously found photos Pavé William took of his Rosin after riding the Strade Bianche, documenting the covering of white dust upon its tubes. This condition afflicts us all, it would seem.

Any dirt becomes holy when we’ve suffered through it, when it took something from us in order to find its way onto our bikes and clothing. Sacred Dirt it is created spontaneously after prolonged exposure to The V.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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  • @sthilzy

    Sacred dust in 2014 TdF?

    http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/five-mountain-finishes-for-2014-tour-de-france

    Stages in northern France are expected to remember the 100th anniversary of the start of the first world war, while also remembering Tour de France riders Octave Lapize, Francois Faber and Lucien Petit Breton who all died in the conflict.

    Up to six sectors of pave could be included in the stage according to Tuttosport, possibly including the terrible long section of the Forest of Arenberg.

    YES, YES, YES!!!  The Pave' will feature in '14's TDF!!!  15.4 k's of pave' and, although they have not supposedly officially announced which sections, they are supposed to include Arenberg, carrafour de l'arbe and mons-en-pevele.  If those are truly sections included, this will be EPIC!!!  No hiding on those stones, boys!

    Also some great mountains top stage finishes, no TTT, a decently long ITT, and one narrow laned 12% grade at one point in one stage.

    Sounds like it will be one HELL of a race!!!

  • Gruson au Carrefour, Ennevelin à Pont Thibaut, Mons en Pévèle, Bersee, Orchies à Beuvry-la-Forêt, Sars-et-Rosières Ã  Tilloy lez Marchiennes, Brillon à Warlaing, Wandignies Hamage à Homaing et Helesmes à Wallers mais La Trouée d'Arenberg, non. Je suis très triste.

  • @Buck Rogers

    @sthilzy

    Sacred dust in 2014 TdF?

    http://www.cyclingnews.com/news/five-mountain-finishes-for-2014-tour-de-france

    Stages in northern France are expected to remember the 100th anniversary of the start of the first world war, while also remembering Tour de France riders Octave Lapize, Francois Faber and Lucien Petit Breton who all died in the conflict.

    Up to six sectors of pave could be included in the stage according to Tuttosport, possibly including the terrible long section of the Forest of Arenberg.

    YES, YES, YES!!! The Pave' will feature in '14"²s TDF!!! 15.4 k's of pave' and, although they have not supposedly officially announced which sections, they are supposed to include Arenberg, carrafour de l'arbe and mons-en-pevele. If those are truly sections included, this will be EPIC!!! No hiding on those stones, boys!

    Also some great mountains top stage finishes, no TTT, a decently long ITT, and one narrow laned 12% grade at one point in one stage.

    Sounds like it will be one HELL of a race!!!

    This sounds like an amazing tour. The forest of Arenberg will be truly amazing to watch.

    Is it spring yet?

  • @scaler911

    During the Monsoon we had a few weeks back, some 'cross racing happened and some gear got destroyed.

    (photo by Matt Lasala)

    Its certainly customary for a cross race to have a sand pit, but this is the first race I've seen with a chocolate pudding pit.  What's next - JELL-O run ups?

  • @Chris

    Gruson au Carrefour, Ennevelin à Pont Thibaut, Mons en Pévèle, Bersee, Orchies à Beuvry-la-Forêt, Sars-et-Rosières à Tilloy lez Marchiennes, Brillon à Warlaing, Wandignies Hamage à Homaing et Helesmes à Wallers mais La Trouée d'Arenberg, non. Je suis très triste.

    Damn, damn, double damn!  What a missed chance.  Are you sure?  No Arenberg???  At least they have Mons en Pevele and Orchies.  You have "Gruson au Carrefour" listed.  Is not Gruson the section after Carrefour de l'Arbre?  Are they running them together in reverse?

  • No forest of Arenberg. And I'm glad they've skipped it. Yes, borrow some of the sectors from paris-Roubaix. But leave some of the most special to be raced just that once a year.

     

    Rather excited that the tour is passing little over 1km from the desk I'm sat at at work right now. Though I'll be taking the day off to try the mission of being at the start in Cambridge and somewhere near the finish in London. Should be a fun day.

  • @Buck Rogers

    @Chris

    Gruson au Carrefour, Ennevelin à Pont Thibaut, Mons en Pévèle, Bersee, Orchies à Beuvry-la-Forêt, Sars-et-Rosières à Tilloy lez Marchiennes, Brillon à Warlaing, Wandignies Hamage à Homaing et Helesmes à Wallers mais La Trouée d'Arenberg, non. Je suis très triste.

    Damn, damn, double damn! What a missed chance. Are you sure? No Arenberg??? At least they have Mons en Pevele and Orchies. You have "Gruson au Carrefour" listed. Is not Gruson the section after Carrefour de l'Arbre? Are they running them together in reverse?

    Am I sure? I've no idea what I wrote there, it's in French.

    It looks as though they are working their way backwards from Gruson to somewhere close to Arenberg. The Helesmes à Wallers secteur finishes just to the south east of Arenberg whilst Google has the Communauté d'Agglomération La Porte du Hainaut on the road that leads into the the forest before you get to the old coal mine on the left. 

  • @ped

    Stage 5

    Boy, without knowing enough about the specific roads and how they're looping around to all the secteurs, it looks like they're riding the route backwards. Carrefour would be much easier in this direction, as would Mons en Pévéle as they both finish with slight uphill sections in the normal direction. But they will be faster and more dangerous.

    It does seem like since they are finishing at Arenberg, they could easily have put a bunch sprint up the trench as the finish. Feels like a missed opportunity.

  • @frank

    @ped

    Stage 5

    Boy, without knowing enough about the specific roads and how they're looping around to all the secteurs, it looks like they're riding the route backwards. Carrefour would be much easier in this direction, as would Mons en Pévéle as they both finish with slight uphill sections in the normal direction. But they will be faster and more dangerous.

    It does seem like since they are finishing at Arenberg, they could easily have put a bunch sprint up the trench as the finish. Feels like a missed opportunity.

    On section thought, Mons en Pévéle is normally 3km long; I think they are exiting at the halfway point, or entering at the halfway point. If they enter at the halfway point and ride to the traditional entrance, it will be pretty tough, although short. The traditional entrance is all downhill and rough. It will be a bugger to ride that direction, so obviously that's what I'm hoping they will do.

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