La Vie Velominatus: Saleté Sacrée

Sacred Flemish grime covered our bikes on Keepers Tour.

A Velominatus maintains their machine with meticulous care, doting over it daily. A bicycle is a tool, but it is also a work of art, and serves us loyally in pursuit of our craft. We love them as though they were alive; as we grow together, the cracks and lines formed upon both our skins signifies the journey that has passed beneath our wheels.

A clean bicycle with a boastful luster inspires pride; I find myself constantly fighting the urge to carry mine upstairs to sit by the dinner table each time it has been cleaned, the bar tape freshly wrapped, or any old component swapped for a new one. I’m sure a psychiatrist would have a thing or two to say about it; I know the VMH does.

And yet, there are times when it pains me to clean my machine. After our first day on the Cobbles of Roubaix on Keepers Tour 2012, I left my bike dirty for two days because I couldn’t bring myself to rid her frame of the sacred dust that had accumulated after a day’s hard riding over some of the most hallowed roads in the world. A week later, I suffered the same condition the day after riding the route of De Ronde through hail, rain, and wind which left our machines covered in mud, manure, and Merckx knows what else. I think some part of me hoped the Flemish spirit held within all that grit would somehow be absorbed by my bike, that it would somehow help complete her soul.

But this kind of sacred dirt, the kind we don’t want to wash from our steeds, isn’t found only on the holy roads of Northern Europe. I found myself with the same reluctance to clean my Graveur after riding Heck of the North this year; a race held outside a small Northern Minnesota town nearly half a world from Flanders. I also serendipitously found photos Pavé William took of his Rosin after riding the Strade Bianche, documenting the covering of white dust upon its tubes. This condition afflicts us all, it would seem.

Any dirt becomes holy when we’ve suffered through it, when it took something from us in order to find its way onto our bikes and clothing. Sacred Dirt it is created spontaneously after prolonged exposure to The V.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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frank says:

Oct 23 2013 at 8:52 am

@DerHoggz

@frank

I admit to doing the same when commuting by bike in winter; a full cleaning just seems to pointless. But none of that dirt or grit is sacred, it's just nasty crap that should be pulled off the machine as soon as you can get to it.

My usual winter cleaning amounts to just clearing the ice/slush off of any moving surfaces (drivetrain and wheels mostly). I do also do complete frame-off overhauls periodically with degreaser baths and such.

Rides like a dream after that, eh?

@frank

@eightzero

Two words: ritualistic washing.

These is much more to this than meets the eye. I too obcess over keeping a pristine machine. I scoff with some indigntaion over the popular notion that you shouldn't use high pressure water to clean a bike, because "the pressure will force water and grit into places where lube goes." Well, just get the dirt of out those places, and put new lube in where it belongs. Yes, this can take a while. Clean, yes. Destroy functionality, no.

However, dirt in mechanisms degrades their performance, and shortens their lifespan. But news flash - all the moving parts will need to be replaced eventually anyway. Ride your Fucking Bike, and accept that parts can be replaced. The memory of those rides is *forever.* The dirt, as you say, is a badge of sucess.

There is no such thing as an uncleanable bike.

Awesome post.

One point, the problem with the pressure washer is that for the most part, the bearings are sealed and the water molecules are smaller than the dirt, so the pressure washer doesn't remove any dirt from the bearings (because it wasn't in there) but the water pushes in past the seals and rusts the balls inside.

But you're in good company; the pros use them all the time - although they swap bearings more regularly than we do.

This is why cup and cone is better than cartridge. I actually enjoyed redoing the BB and wheels on my old bike. If I ever get around to wheelbuilding, it is going to be cup and cone for me.

I disagree with that assessment, but Campagnolo agrees with you; their hubs still use loose balls as far as I know.

@eightzero

But hey, all the pros had to start somewhere, right? I mean, nobody who is rich just becomes a pro? She put in all her dues as a working girl first, right?

But she has crow's feet, which I learned from this discussion makes her real! Seen here in this photo where she is obviously foreclosing someone's house.

Or just being released from prison for Wallstreet shenanigans?
Chris says:

Oct 23 2013 at 8:55 am

@Al__S You're going to have to ride fairly hard if you want to make it to the finish. I can't make up my mind whether to do the start, a point in the middle or head for the finish for a Cav win.

I fancy doing a couple of days in Yorkshire spectating on the bike and riding a stage so the Cambridge London stage will have to be avec les enfants.
DCR says:

Oct 23 2013 at 9:11 am

@ped So no forest run... The sections included will still make for a very exciting stage.
G'rilla says:

Oct 23 2013 at 9:14 am

@scaler911

During the Monsoon we had a few weeks back, some 'cross racing happened and some gear got destroyed.

(photo by Matt Lasala)

On Monday the owner of Van Dessel bikes said his favorite 'cross courses were the ones that required file treads.
VeloVita says:

Oct 23 2013 at 10:45 am

@G'rilla

Boo. Though so far this season, all our local races here in NE Ohio have been on the dry side - not necessarily file tread dry, but dry enough that I've only had to wash my bike twice.
G'rilla says:

Oct 23 2013 at 11:05 am

I think that Lasala photo might help me complete a cyclocross poster I've been wanting to put together: BIKE, RUN, SWIM.
zeitzmar says:

Oct 23 2013 at 11:49 am
wiscot says:

Oct 23 2013 at 12:22 pm

@frank

@ped

Stage 5

Boy, without knowing enough about the specific roads and how they're looping around to all the secteurs, it looks like they're riding the route backwards. Carrefour would be much easier in this direction, as would Mons en PÃ©vÃ©le as they both finish with slight uphill sections in the normal direction. But they will be faster and more dangerous.

It does seem like since they are finishing at Arenberg, they could easily have put a bunch sprint up the trench as the finish. Feels like a missed opportunity.

It does seem like since they are finishing at Arenberg, they could easily have put a bunch sprint up the trench as the finish. Feels like a missed opportunity.

Man, I must have missed the bit in the interview with Froome when he said the same thing. Or maybe I didn't . . . Glad to see some cobbles in there. Pity there's only one tt and at 54kms it's still too short. 80+ is what's needed I say. Twice. In the same race. Fucking mountain monkeys always get too much of their own parcours. I'm lookig forward to the stage already. If Spartacus rides with Abandy, will he neutralize things if the skinny one gets into trouble?
wiscot says:

Oct 23 2013 at 12:25 pm

@zeitzmar

You know, that's a happy looking bike. It's been ridden hard and is looking forward to a nice wash before bedtime. It's like a kid who's been outplaying all day getting grubby but having a blast.
scaler911 says:

Oct 23 2013 at 12:42 pm

@zeitzmar

Nice! Where is that?