La Vie Velominatus: Saleté Sacrée

Sacred Flemish grime covered our bikes on Keepers Tour.

A Velominatus maintains their machine with meticulous care, doting over it daily. A bicycle is a tool, but it is also a work of art, and serves us loyally in pursuit of our craft. We love them as though they were alive; as we grow together, the cracks and lines formed upon both our skins signifies the journey that has passed beneath our wheels.

A clean bicycle with a boastful luster inspires pride; I find myself constantly fighting the urge to carry mine upstairs to sit by the dinner table each time it has been cleaned, the bar tape freshly wrapped, or any old component swapped for a new one. I’m sure a psychiatrist would have a thing or two to say about it; I know the VMH does.

And yet, there are times when it pains me to clean my machine. After our first day on the Cobbles of Roubaix on Keepers Tour 2012, I left my bike dirty for two days because I couldn’t bring myself to rid her frame of the sacred dust that had accumulated after a day’s hard riding over some of the most hallowed roads in the world. A week later, I suffered the same condition the day after riding the route of De Ronde through hail, rain, and wind which left our machines covered in mud, manure, and Merckx knows what else. I think some part of me hoped the Flemish spirit held within all that grit would somehow be absorbed by my bike, that it would somehow help complete her soul.

But this kind of sacred dirt, the kind we don’t want to wash from our steeds, isn’t found only on the holy roads of Northern Europe. I found myself with the same reluctance to clean my Graveur after riding Heck of the North this year; a race held outside a small Northern Minnesota town nearly half a world from Flanders. I also serendipitously found photos Pavé William took of his Rosin after riding the Strade Bianche, documenting the covering of white dust upon its tubes. This condition afflicts us all, it would seem.

Any dirt becomes holy when we’ve suffered through it, when it took something from us in order to find its way onto our bikes and clothing. Sacred Dirt it is created spontaneously after prolonged exposure to The V.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Barracuda says:

Oct 23 2013 at 11:07 pm

@zeitzmar

@Mikael Liddy beautiful picture!

@G'rilla I'm definitely down although we'll need to talk some logistics. I don't want my eagerness to belie my relative novicehood. I was definitely dropped on the Casually Deliberate VVhidbey Cogal, and I will need to get serious about mileage if I want to do a gravel jaunt over the mountains. From what I've read about the trail, though, it sounds really cool.

Aren't Casually Deliberate rides supposed to be " no drop" ?
zeitzmar says:

Oct 23 2013 at 11:07 pm

@cognition Thanks for the tip. The tunnels sound pretty hairy. Maybe you want to join me and @G'rilla for a ride there, once we figure out a good route?
Mikael Liddy says:

Oct 23 2013 at 11:14 pm

@Barracuda nah he just had it in his jersey pocket & held it in his hand when he wanted to take photos, hence the upside of him being a pro. There's another couple of shots in the photo uploader article.
wiscot says:

Oct 24 2013 at 5:14 am

@cognition

In my young and wayward days of high school and college I ran cross country. While it's a heinous set of violations of Rule #42, I have to admit that I still look back on those days fondly. Racing over hills in mud, snow, and melting muck; running a race in shorts and t-shirt at eight degrees C... there's a familiarity there, right?

But one of the rules of my cross country team, passed down from upperclassman to underclassmen, was that clean shoes were a sign that you weren't out training hard enough. Nor could you go out and intentionally get your shoes dirty "” you had to earn the wear and tear, putting in the miles, on the good days and the bad, in the sun and in the shit.

I think we're on the same page here. A true velominatus cognoscenti will see a gleaming well-maintained machine and kit but notice the telltale signs of wear, use and tiny bits of crud in those hard-to-reach places. Tires may have a little less tread than they ought to. Very much the same with shoes and clothing: clean and in good nick, but the white or colored parts (if any) will not be as pristine as they once were.
wiscot says:

Oct 24 2013 at 5:18 am

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

@frank

It does seem like since they are finishing at Arenberg, they could easily have put a bunch sprint up the trench as the finish. Feels like a missed opportunity.

Man, I must have missed the bit in the interview with Froome when he said the same thing. Or maybe I didn't . . . Glad to see some cobbles in there. Pity there's only one tt and at 54kms it's still too short. 80+ is what's needed I say. Twice. In the same race. Fucking mountain monkeys always get too much of their own parcours. I'm lookig forward to the stage already. If Spartacus rides with Abandy, will he neutralize things if the skinny one gets into trouble?

Awesome post that sums up what I think, or wish that I had thought after seeing your thoughts!

Love how everyone was calling the ITT a SUPER LOONNNGG ITT. What the FUCK??? They used to have them over 80 k all the time. Was watching the '78 tdf on youtube during my lunch roller session and they had one that Hinault won by 4 minutes that was over 80 k. When did a 50 k ITT become soooooo long??? Hell, even my Cat 4 ITT back in the '80"²s were a minimum of 40 k?

I know, I know. I was a TT rider in another life. A 25 mile (40kms) TT was one of the two shorter standard distances. 50 milers (80kms) were where the real testing started. That was generally around 2 hours of pure effort. Kids today, they just don't know how good they've got it. Luckily for ASO, Anquetil isn't around to call bullshit on their "long" TT.
Buck Rogers says:

Oct 24 2013 at 5:22 am

@wiscot

@Buck Rogers

@wiscot

@frank

It does seem like since they are finishing at Arenberg, they could easily have put a bunch sprint up the trench as the finish. Feels like a missed opportunity.

Man, I must have missed the bit in the interview with Froome when he said the same thing. Or maybe I didn't . . . Glad to see some cobbles in there. Pity there's only one tt and at 54kms it's still too short. 80+ is what's needed I say. Twice. In the same race. Fucking mountain monkeys always get too much of their own parcours. I'm lookig forward to the stage already. If Spartacus rides with Abandy, will he neutralize things if the skinny one gets into trouble?

Awesome post that sums up what I think, or wish that I had thought after seeing your thoughts!

Love how everyone was calling the ITT a SUPER LOONNNGG ITT. What the FUCK??? They used to have them over 80 k all the time. Was watching the '78 tdf on youtube during my lunch roller session and they had one that Hinault won by 4 minutes that was over 80 k. When did a 50 k ITT become soooooo long??? Hell, even my Cat 4 ITT back in the '80"²s were a minimum of 40 k?

I know, I know. I was a TT rider in another life. A 25 mile (40kms) TT was one of the two shorter standard distances. 50 milers (80kms) were where the real testing started. That was generally around 2 hours of pure effort. Kids today, they just don't know how good they've got it. Luckily for ASO, Anquetil isn't around to call bullshit on their "long" TT.

EXACTLY! Those young whippersnappers have no idea how soft they have it nowadays!
Buck Rogers says:

Oct 24 2013 at 5:23 am

@Nate

More dirt goodness.

If this photo doesn't make you want to drop every fucking thing that you are doing at this instant and get on your bike you had better check your pulse or you are on the wrong site. Brilliant Photo!
Buck Rogers says:

Oct 24 2013 at 5:27 am

@frank

@Buck Rogers

Better than running!

Based on your Facebook page, you've been doing a lot of that, while not being chased - as far as I can tell.

Remediate this as soon as absolutely possible, Pedalwan.

Hey! At least I have not been masturbating on this site. I only talk about it on faceplant. And I have 34 k's left to, ahem, do what I have to do by November 16th, in order to reach a 12 month goal and then no more of the ... you know what.
wiscot says:

Oct 24 2013 at 6:16 am

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

Better than running!

Based on your Facebook page, you've been doing a lot of that, while not being chased - as far as I can tell.

Remediate this as soon as absolutely possible, Pedalwan.

Hey! At least I have not been masturbating on this site. I only talk about it on faceplant. And I have 34 k's left to, ahem, do what I have to do by November 16th, in order to reach a 12 month goal and then no more of the ... you know what.

Masturbation?
VeloVita says:

Oct 24 2013 at 6:42 am

@wiscot

@Buck Rogers

@frank

@Buck Rogers

Better than running!

Based on your Facebook page, you've been doing a lot of that, while not being chased - as far as I can tell.

Remediate this as soon as absolutely possible, Pedalwan.

Hey! At least I have not been masturbating on this site. I only talk about it on faceplant. And I have 34 k's left to, ahem, do what I have to do by November 16th, in order to reach a 12 month goal and then no more of the ... you know what.

Masturbation?

I believe he meant talking about the act, a la the masturbation principle, not performing the act itself...at least I hope