La Vie Velominatus: Saleté Sacrée

Sacred Flemish grime covered our bikes on Keepers Tour.

A Velominatus maintains their machine with meticulous care, doting over it daily. A bicycle is a tool, but it is also a work of art, and serves us loyally in pursuit of our craft. We love them as though they were alive; as we grow together, the cracks and lines formed upon both our skins signifies the journey that has passed beneath our wheels.

A clean bicycle with a boastful luster inspires pride; I find myself constantly fighting the urge to carry mine upstairs to sit by the dinner table each time it has been cleaned, the bar tape freshly wrapped, or any old component swapped for a new one. I’m sure a psychiatrist would have a thing or two to say about it; I know the VMH does.

And yet, there are times when it pains me to clean my machine. After our first day on the Cobbles of Roubaix on Keepers Tour 2012, I left my bike dirty for two days because I couldn’t bring myself to rid her frame of the sacred dust that had accumulated after a day’s hard riding over some of the most hallowed roads in the world. A week later, I suffered the same condition the day after riding the route of De Ronde through hail, rain, and wind which left our machines covered in mud, manure, and Merckx knows what else. I think some part of me hoped the Flemish spirit held within all that grit would somehow be absorbed by my bike, that it would somehow help complete her soul.

But this kind of sacred dirt, the kind we don’t want to wash from our steeds, isn’t found only on the holy roads of Northern Europe. I found myself with the same reluctance to clean my Graveur after riding Heck of the North this year; a race held outside a small Northern Minnesota town nearly half a world from Flanders. I also serendipitously found photos Pavé William took of his Rosin after riding the Strade Bianche, documenting the covering of white dust upon its tubes. This condition afflicts us all, it would seem.

Any dirt becomes holy when we’ve suffered through it, when it took something from us in order to find its way onto our bikes and clothing. Sacred Dirt it is created spontaneously after prolonged exposure to The V.

Vive la Vie Velominatus.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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Optimiste says:

Oct 23 2013 at 4:01 pm

@zeitzmar

Quite a fuss you've stirred up over this dusty whip. . . he said with feigned disinterest.
zeitzmar says:

Oct 23 2013 at 4:03 pm

@frank I tried to put words with this but on my phone's firefox I could only post picture or video, no text.

@G'rilla this is what happens when you have to turn your #1 into your graveur with the help of some 30mm cx clinchers. Velominatus Bugetatus.

@scaler911 This was a ride I did around Lake Sammamish. The Eastlake Sammamish trail is gravel. Unfortunately, they're planning on paving it at some point in the near future, but for now it's the closest and most accessible gravel trail for me.

I love gravel riding and the necessary bike deep cleaning that comes afterwards. I'm hoping to ride the Iron Horse trail at some point this spring if I can muster up a few comrades willing to traverse the mountains on gravel.
Buck Rogers says:

Oct 23 2013 at 4:41 pm

@frank

@DCR

Alas the long stretch of winter is coming and my rollers are ever so slightly peeking from below my bed... they are the monster I fear for the next 4 to 5 months. The boredom already eats at me... the drench that accumulates. The loss of the feeling of speed and freedom we long for will be but a memory. I will luckily get in some rides through out the winter months but they are few and far between.

@DCR doesn't check for the boogeyman under his bad; he checks for his rollers.

Brilliant! Ha! This needs repeating!

I was on the rollers today as it was dark on the way to work and dark on the way home. Took a break at lunch, went home, loaded the big fan, rollers, roller rug and bike into the car and brought them all into my office and squeezed a 35 minute roller ride in between the morning and afternoon clinic. Thankfully I also have a shower in my office.

Better than running!
Buck Rogers says:

Oct 23 2013 at 4:44 pm

@wiscot

@frank

It does seem like since they are finishing at Arenberg, they could easily have put a bunch sprint up the trench as the finish. Feels like a missed opportunity.

Man, I must have missed the bit in the interview with Froome when he said the same thing. Or maybe I didn't . . . Glad to see some cobbles in there. Pity there's only one tt and at 54kms it's still too short. 80+ is what's needed I say. Twice. In the same race. Fucking mountain monkeys always get too much of their own parcours. I'm lookig forward to the stage already. If Spartacus rides with Abandy, will he neutralize things if the skinny one gets into trouble?

Awesome post that sums up what I think, or wish that I had thought after seeing your thoughts!

Love how everyone was calling the ITT a SUPER LOONNNGG ITT. What the FUCK??? They used to have them over 80 k all the time. Was watching the '78 tdf on youtube during my lunch roller session and they had one that Hinault won by 4 minutes that was over 80 k. When did a 50 k ITT become soooooo long??? Hell, even my Cat 4 ITT back in the '80's were a minimum of 40 k?
Mikael Liddy says:

Oct 23 2013 at 5:26 pm

One thing I've been loving after about 15k's of this stuff on the weekend is the faux whitewalls I've had all week thanks to the white dust still lining the side of the tires.
gaswepass says:

Oct 23 2013 at 6:24 pm

@frank

@scaler911

Is it still sacred if it's more on your face than on your whip?

@gaswepass (l) @scaler911 (r). hangers on in the background. Photo by J.L. (used without his permission, but he probably won't care or will make me suffer on his wheel at a later date)

You've done well with your Pedalwan there; @gaswepass doens't look nearly the tit he did on the Cogal a few years back. Strong work.

um, thanks?
that was before the gravel, too. good times.
frank says:

Oct 23 2013 at 6:36 pm

@G'rilla

@zeitzmar Knobby tires and caliper brakes. How is this possible?

Geometry isn't what it used to be. I can't fit 25mm tires on my R3 without a zip tie to get the fd cable out of the way. Bikes from bygone eras (like @zeizmar's) could handle a lot of tire.

In fact, I think the original CX bikes were just road bikes with wide (32mm) tires. He's playing it Old Skule.
frank says:

Oct 23 2013 at 6:37 pm

@Buck Rogers

Better than running!

Based on your Facebook page, you've been doing a lot of that, while not being chased - as far as I can tell.

Remediate this as soon as absolutely possible, Pedalwan.
frank says:

Oct 23 2013 at 6:38 pm

@Mikael Liddy

One thing I've been loving after about 15k's of this stuff on the weekend is the faux whitewalls I've had all week thanks to the white dust still lining the side of the tires.

Fucking perfect. That's a worthy of a VVallpaper right there.
frank says:

Oct 23 2013 at 6:39 pm

@gaswepass

@frank

@scaler911

Is it still sacred if it's more on your face than on your whip?

@gaswepass (l) @scaler911 (r). hangers on in the background. Photo by J.L. (used without his permission, but he probably won't care or will make me suffer on his wheel at a later date)

You've done well with your Pedalwan there; @gaswepass doens't look nearly the tit he did on the Cogal a few years back. Strong work.

um, thanks?
that was before the gravel, too. good times.

Dude, you had a YJA and a visor on your helmet. Seriously.