Anatomy of a Photo: The Shoulders of Giants

The question tackled here is of carrying the bicycle, should it require carrying. The non-cyclist is perhaps more inclined to consider carrying their bicycle than is the Cyclist. Examples that come to mind include the navigation of a giant mud pit or a steep twisty narrow snowy descent, where the uninitiated may erroneously contemplate the likelihood of survival between riding the bike as opposed to walking or carrying it. Other examples might be bunny-hopping a 1 meter vertical wall where a slight miscalculation may result in going from being Awesome to merely being OK.

But if one thing is certain, should matters come to carrying the bicycle, it is the shoulder that should be employed for this task, as time-tested by cyclocross riders for well over a century. No further research is required to resolve this matter. And, should the question of leather handles come up, I put it to you thusly: are you a giant hipster douche nozzle, or are you a hardman with Ultimate Rule #5 Leg and balls so big you could wear a sun visor with a gauze stocking cap?

Thanks to KRX10 for making me aware of this abomination of a leather handle.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @tessar

    Wait, shoulder it on the top-tube? Doesn't work out for me, for some reason. I always hang the saddle on my shoulder (the Arione is quite comfortable from that side, too!), wrapping my arm around the entire triangle, with my hand holding the downtube and front wheel to stabilize. Maybe it works out easier for shorter people with smaller frames? Plus, when you have two bidons in the cages and the brake-cable running below the top-tube, it's quite uncomfortable.

    If you're walking, I doubt it makes much difference. If you're running up a hill in CX or MTBing, that approach won't have the back wheel high enough for you; in order for your feet not to slam into the bike, you need the back wheel up by your ass at least.

  • Fuckin' timely...now that I'm a proud owner of a V-jersey...I can wear it when cross riding & training, right? Feel a bit bad subjecting it to mud, but it's too awesome to save just for the road. (I'm asking due to the Rule on mtn v. road kit...)

  • And regarding shoulder. I have dreams all the time that I'm as smooth as a PRO. Those guys are just bonkers. They go faster in sand than I could go on pavement! They dismount, shoulder, run, mount with a ease. Then crank out major power. All while looking so fucking Casually Deliberate. Damn impressive. I guess it's because if you push it too hard in cross you go haywire. Just gotta stay smooth, in control, and...smooth!

  • @Ron

    Refer to Bill Fucking Murray above for smooth and in control. The university advancement team wanted a couple of pictures of me on my commuter as part of a bike project I'm coordinating here. I'd love to get them one of me in full Bill Murray pose here, but I'm lacking the panache to pull that off. I might just send them the Bill Murray pic and call it a day.

  • @Steampunk

    @The Oracle

    For track-bike riding hipsters?  Who cares?

    There's an app for that:

    That is about as smooth as rhey come.  Man, what a photo.  Might have to make it my wallpaper.

  • @Steampunk

    @Ron

    Refer to Bill Fucking Murray above for smooth and in control. The university advancement team wanted a couple of pictures of me on my commuter as part of a bike project I'm coordinating here. I'd love to get them one of me in full Bill Murray pose here, but I'm lacking the panache to pull that off. I might just send them the Bill Murray pic and call it a day.

    I'm sure the U can find someone around who wouldn't mind photoshopping your mug on there. The wire cutters top it off. So awesome.

  • @Buck Rogers I've actually encountered one - Russian immigrants brought many Soviet cameras with them after the wall fell. It's unbelievably cool, although the camera itself is quite shit; the East German or Japanese camera bodies for that mount (M42/Pentax Screw) were miles ahead. It also weighs like the brick it actually is.

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