The Rides

The Ride. It is the cathedral of our sport, where we worship at the altar of the Man with the Hammer. It is the end to our means. Indeed, The Bike may be the central tool to our sport, but to turn the pedals is to experience the sensation of freedom, of flight. It is all for The Ride.

The world is overflowing with small, twisty roads that capture our collective imagination as cyclists. We spend our lifetimes searching out the best routes and rides; we pore over maps, we share with our fellow disciples, we talk to non-cycling locals all in pursuit of the Perfect Ride.

The Rides is devoted entirely to the best routes and rides around the world. Some are races or cyclosportives, others feature in the Classics and stages of The Great Races, while others still are little-known gems, discovered through careful meditation on The V. Be warned: these rides are not your average Sunday Afternoon spin; these rides are the best and most difficult rides in the word – they represent the rites of passage into La Vie Velominatus. It is to be taken for granted that these rides require loads of Rule #5, many of them Rule #10, and all of them are best enjoyed in Rule #9 conditions. They have been shared by you, the community. The Rides also features articles devoted to the greatest rides and providess a forum for sharing other rides for discussion.

If you’d like to submit a ride or an article about your own favorite ride, please feel free to send it to us and we’ll do our best to work with you to include it.

[rideitem status=”public” title=”Haleakala” distance=”56km” category=”Grimpeur” url=”http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/50412514″ location=”Paia, Maui, Hawaii, USA”]

haleakala

Haleakala is simultaneously the longest paved continuous climb in the world as well as the shortest ascent from sea level to 10,000 feet in the world. Though not terribly steep, this is a long, grinding climb that will reduce a strong rider to a whimpering lump.

To put the effort in perspective, this climb is 60km long a an average of 6% with two pitches as steep as 17%. That translates to somewhere between 3 or more hours of nonstop climbing, usually in Maui’s direct heat and often into a whipping headwind that spins around into a headwind no matter which direction the switchbacks take you.

[/rideitem]

[rideitem statuc=public title=”Liege-Bastogne-Liege” distance=”265″ category=”Rouleur” url=”http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/58053308/” location=”Liege, Belgium”]

lbl

Liege-Bastogne-Liege is not only La Doyenne, the oldest of the Classics, but also represents perhaps the most demanding course in cycling. The 280 km, 3000m vertical route starts with an easy ride out from Liege to Bastogne which lulls riders into a false sense of security; the hills are frequent, but none of them terribly demanding. Into Bastogne, and the story changes on the way back to Liege with 9 categorized climbs in the second half, including the fearsome Côte de la Redoute and the Côte de Saint-Nicolas.

[/rideitem]

[rideitem status=public title=”Paris-Roubaix” category=”Hardman” distance=”265″ url=”http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/58052610/” location=”Compiégne, France” guideurl=”http://www.cyclingpave.cc/” guide=”Pavé Cycling Classics”]

paris-roubaix

L’enfur du Nord. The Hell of The North. The Queen of the Classics. This isn’t a ride over the stones from your local brick-paved roads. You think climbs are what make a ride tough? We’ve got news for you: this is the hardest ride on the planet and it boasts a maximum elevation of 55 meters. These are vicious, brutal stones; the kind that will stretch each kilometer to their full length, the kind of stones that you will feel long after the rattling of the bars has stopped. These stones will change you. Forever.

[/rideitem]

[rideitem status=public title=”Mortirolo/Gavia Loop” category=”Grimpeur” distance=”115km” url=”http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/59027020/” location=”Bormio, Italy” contributor=”Joe”]

The Mortirolo is perhaps the most feared pass in Western Europe, and the Gavia the most storied. Given their proximity to each other, its a wonder why this isn’t the most talked-about ride in Italy. Maybe it is; its impossible to say without being Italian. The loop nature of this ride makes it feasible as a solo escapade, but any ride with the kind of stats this one bears – 3200 meters ascended in 115 kilometers including the viscously steep Mortirolo – is best enjoyed with a riding partner or support car.

[/rideitem]

[rideitem status=public title=”200 on 100″ category=”Grimpeur” distance=”330km” url=”http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/58052808/” location=”Vernon, VT” contributor=”cdelinks” contributorurl=”http://cyclowhat.com”]

“Dumptruck of Awesome” has become the catch-phrase associated with this brutally hard, yet strikingly beautiful 330 kilometer (200 mile) ride down Vermont Route 100.  This ride was made popular during the summer of 2011 when Ted King, Tim Johnson, and a local amateur cyclist, Ryan Kelly, documented this ride on film. The ride starts on the Canadian border and finishes on the Massachusetts border.  With over 2500 meters of climbing on this 330 kilometer ride, you will need to pack a few lunches to get through this one.  Do this ride in the Fall, and the foliage might be beautiful enough to distract you from the horrible pain you will most certainly suffer.

[/rideitem]

[rideitem status=”public” title=”De Ronde Van West Portlandia” distance=”76km” category=”Grimpeur” url=”http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/15276210″ location=”Portland, Oregon, USA”]

A ride that officially “never happens” each spring, this 76 km route charts a course through Portland’s West Hills, paying homage to the European Spring Classics. Approximately 1,800 meters of paved and unpaved climbs are spread throughout the course, with several sections reaching grades of over 20%. More information can be found at Ronde PDX.

[/rideitem]

[rideitem status=public title=”Seattle Master Urban Ride” category=”Rouleur” distance=”130km” url=http://www.mapmyride.com/routes/view/57732282 location=”Seattle, Washington, USA”]

seattleronde

This is perhaps the most challenging urban route in Seattle, hitting three of the big hills that define Seattle’s topography. The route starts and ends on Phinney Ridge, but hits the climbs of Interlaken and Alder Street/Lake Dell Drive on its way to Mercer Island, before coming back to hit Queen Anne and Magnolia, weaving its way up each of these hills as many times as possible via the steepest route available before the finale to the north via Golden Gardens, Blue Ridge Drive, and Carkeek Park. Panoramic views of the Cascades, Mount Rainier, Mount Baker, The Olympic Penninsula and Puget Sound makes this a standout Urban ride.

[/rideitem]

3,329 Replies to “The Rides”

  4. @Deakus

    @the Engine  If that is you it looks like the Man with the Hammer knocked you off your ride!

    At least they had the good grace to quote the gradient….perfectly respectable I say….you would have found me at the bottom of the hill in the pub ruminating on the best method of attack and trying desperately to pretend I had never heard of Rule V.

  6. @Deakus

    @Deakus

    @the Engine  If that is you it looks like the Man with the Hammer knocked you off your ride!

    At least they had the good grace to quote the gradient….perfectly respectable I say….you would have found me at the bottom of the hill in the pub ruminating on the best method of attack and trying desperately to pretend I had never heard of Rule V.

    At least there isn’t a full page spread of you sporting a rather large EPMS and masively overloaded jersey pockets, using gaffer tape to secure something to your bike and abusing Rule #37.

    It’s perfectly acceptable to be beaten by a gradient as long as you’re looking fabulous at the time.

  8. @Chris

    @Deakus

    @Deakus

    @the Engine  If that is you it looks like the Man with the Hammer knocked you off your ride!

    At least they had the good grace to quote the gradient….perfectly respectable I say….you would have found me at the bottom of the hill in the pub ruminating on the best method of attack and trying desperately to pretend I had never heard of Rule V.

    At least there isn’t a full page spread of you sporting a rather large EPMS and masively overloaded jersey pockets, using gaffer tape to secure something to your bike and abusing Rule #37.

    It’s perfectly acceptable to be beaten by a gradient as long as you’re looking fabulous at the time.

    You’ll also notice the perfectly placed hat thanks @Frank – Mrs Engine

  11. the Engine – Wow, 30%! Good man for taking that on & having the guts to post that photo. Nice!

    G’rilla – Sweet photo! I have (had?) a really solid one of myself racing cross last year. Been meaning to buy it from the dude who snapped it, dragging my feet though, and now I can’t find him/it online. Hope I can track it down.

  12. @Chris

    @Deakus

    @Deakus

    @the Engine  If that is you it looks like the Man with the Hammer knocked you off your ride!

    At least they had the good grace to quote the gradient….perfectly respectable I say….you would have found me at the bottom of the hill in the pub ruminating on the best method of attack and trying desperately to pretend I had never heard of Rule V.

    At least there isn’t a full page spread of you sporting a rather large EPMS and masively overloaded jersey pockets, using gaffer tape to secure something to your bike and abusing Rule #37.

    It’s perfectly acceptable to be beaten by a gradient as long as you’re looking fabulous at the time.

    Actually I had to stop and stand in slack jawed astonishment at the multiple rule violations otherwise I’d have nailed it – no problem

  13. @the Engine That would explain why you decided to lie down at the side of the road where you wouldn’t be in anyone’s way. I can imagine it took some time to get over the horror.

  15. @the Engine Actually this could be like one of those spot the mistake competitions…whoever that hoodlum was in front of you how many rule violations can you spot?

  16. @brett

    Wasn’t this guy, was it?

    Those guys have way more patience than me. About 30 seconds of that and I’da been in the passenger side window with dude by the throat. That wouldn’t help “our” cause any, but it’d be satisfying to me personally.

  17. @scaler911

    @brett

    Wasn’t this guy, was it?

    Those guys have way more patience than me. About 30 seconds of that and I’da been in the passenger side window with dude by the throat. That wouldn’t help “our” cause any, but it’d be satisfying to me personally.

    What astounds me here (apart from the idiocy of the driver) is that they must have been able to see that they were being filmed. With the extra shots of the virtually traffic-free roads, surely these guys had a case for an official complaint?

  18. A lot of patience displayed by those riders in the vid. If you view it on Youtube and read the comments, you’ll see that the riders were later convinced to report the nutter with the horn and that the cops are paying attention.  The driver’s a raging loon and way too irrational to care about a phone camera in his face.

    I have to confess that on Sunday I had a somewhat less persistent loony honking at me repeatedly for a occupying a right-turn lane briefly, and–not long after saying here that I’ve holstered my middle finger–guess what I did? Dumb.

  19. Occasionally you find someone who is genuinely sorry…tonights ride came to a roundabout (small village)…clear right pulled on to it and a 4×4 came from the left at some speed down the hill….his window was open on the right and just as I shouted WoooooooooW and swung right to stop getting side swiped he said through the window…”im really sorry, the sun was in my eyes”…it sounded like I scared the shit out of him..still a fuckwit but maybe he will think a little more in the future…

    As for this guys attitude…I think I would pay someone to find the license plate and the i’d pop round and pour some beautiful paint stripper all over his beloved motor…unless ofc he stopped in which case I would just kick the living shit out of him and leave him by the roadside!

  20. Generally, the drivers in my area are considerate to a fault. It’s much more common for them to ride my ass out of genuine concern over the risk of being responsible for an accident.

    Where I live, the average age is “n”, where “n” = “Old Testament Patriarch.”

  21. @wiscot

    @PeakInTwoYears

    @Deakus

    We are “lucky” enough to have to come into contact with a fellow mentioned in this article: http://bikeportland.org/2011/11/11/residents-riders-come-together-to-discuss-rural-road-safety-61831

    If you ride a lot, eventually you’ll end up crossing paths with Scott Wheeler here in Portland. The guy is a fucking menace way above and beyond the normal ass hat. If you take the time to read the article, and I don’t blame you if you don’t, it’s actually paints a nicer picture of him than he actually is. Skyline is a beautiful ridge road that’s gained by even better climbs, is minutes from downtown PDX, and so it’s a pretty popular place for us.

    That said, I don’t ever want to be so obsessed with something so negative that an entire subculture of people (cyclists) have a meeting about me being a douchebag (which is what this meeting was really about, regardless of how the article was written).

  22. @scaler911

    HA, I almost brought that very article up! Weird that some guy posts over there using my gravitar, whatever that’s about…

  23. Skyline is some great riding. Fond memories.

    In the late eighties there wasn’t a ScottWheelerDouche, but there was a house with a Rottie and a Pit Bull who were not fenced and who loved a good chase.  Happily, if you were coming back into town from Rocky Point, they were at the bottom of a little descent and were easily outrun, unless you were Tail End Charlie.

    I’m sure Scott’s just misunderstood… /cough/

  24. @Deakus

    Occasionally you find someone who is genuinely sorry…tonights ride came to a roundabout (small village)…clear right pulled on to it and a 4×4 came from the left at some speed down the hill….his window was open on the right and just as I shouted WoooooooooW and swung right to stop getting side swiped he said through the window…”im really sorry, the sun was in my eyes”…it sounded like I scared the shit out of him..still a fuckwit but maybe he will think a little more in the future…

    As for this guys attitude…I think I would pay someone to find the license plate and the i’d pop round and pour some beautiful paint stripper all over his beloved motor…unless ofc he stopped in which case I would just kick the living shit out of him and leave him by the roadside!

    Think we just heard the fuckwit’s version of that story.

  25.  

     

    I’m with @scaler911 in regard to that insane video of the psycho driver. I’d be through homeboy’s window giving him the Homer treatment….my favorite line is at the end of the Simpson video is when Homer shouts, “I’ll mace you good”….

    I need to start meditating or something…..

  29. @Oli

    @brett He even writes like @mcsqueak it has to be him, doesn’t it?

    Having been one of the few here that actually know McSqueak, I’ll say this; it’s him.

  30. @brett

     
    Heh yeah it’s me, poor attempt at humor!
     
    It’s a nice place to keep up with local cycling news but that whole place needs a massive dose of the V.

  35. @Deakus  Yes, I’m sure that would be the right thing to do. The only way to deal with genuine remorse is to engender a feeling of bitterness and regret about the remorse,  Absolutely.

     

  37. Just for shits and giggles, attached is an image from the State Champs CX Race here in the Antipodes

  40. Me and Mrs/Dr Eightzero completed our first Gran Fondo. Here’s the track:

    http://connect.garmin.com/activity/226689627

    Cramps set in at about MP80. I was able to meditate upon the V for relief. The 100DegF temps rather require more electrolytes than I planned on. I hate drinking that shit. But I hate knife ripping hamstring cramps worse.

    Had quite a few folks comment on the V-Kitte.

  42. @mouse Great video.  Impossible to watch the video and not smile/laugh.  “congratulations mate, you beat a marsupial”. classic

  44. @mouse that’s awesome. another thing to add to the list of things that I need:

    • cross bike
    • velodrome
    • wilfred outfit and face paint

    kids will be up on ebay shortly.

  45. Listening to Led Zeppelin’s In the Light after finishing a 40k evening ride with 50 riders was surreal. “In the light you will find the road.” Took the bike and gear with me on business to Greenville SC (Hincapie ground) and with 5 minutes research, found the group to be with at 6:00pm.

  46. Less than a month to go before Gran Fondo Hincapie. Will you be part of this historic event in Greenville, S.C.? Many BMC Racing Team riders will be there, including Brent Bookwalter, Cadel Evans and Tejay van Garderen. — facebook quote

  47. Today I accomplished an achievement that I doubt I will ever be able to improve on in my future cyclocross career.

    During today’s race at Cascade Cross, I received a handup of a breakfast sandwich directly from Joey of Joey’s OK. I also snagged an entire dollar from a fishing pole.

    And here’s Superman himself in the single speed A race:

  48. @G’rilla

    Today I accomplished an achievement that I doubt I will ever be able to improve on in my future cyclocross career.

    During today’s race at Cascade Cross, I received a handup of a breakfast sandwich directly from Joey of Joey’s OK. I also snagged an entire dollar from a fishing pole.

    And here’s Superman himself in the single speed A race:

    Top marks. I’ve said it before, but I’ll say it again, Pedalwan. You are ready for the trials and should start taking on a learner of your own.

  49. My employer has just sponsored my participation in Fitz’s Challenge – a 165km sportive – in Canberra on 28 Oct. It’ll be my first Century, and from what I’ve heard, it will require a full measure of The V. Hopefully it will signal my transition from being Too Fat to Climb, to Climbing Well for my Weight. Sadly, with the sponsorship comes the requirement to wear team kit, so I’m hoping for cold weather so I can rock the Sacred Arm Warmers (should they arrive in time).

    The ride is in support of The Kids’ Cancer Project (which, unlike some cancer charities, actually funds research!). If you can support me in this event, it would be awesome:  http://www.everydayhero.com.au/allan_ten_bruggencate Rest assured that you will be contributing to a worthy cause, and inspiring me to go deeper into the pain cave than ever before.

  50. I snapped my chain on the commute this morning. I was just standing up to dance up a short incline when a link broke. The disappointment was over when I realized…

    It happens to the almighty gods, too.

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