Book Release: Events and New Rules

The Prophet hands down the New V-Estament

The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path, not the end. In pursuit of La Vie Velominatus, we know of no end to the Path; each of us journey through an endless evolution of understanding and reverence. As such, The Word continues to be handed down from high upon Mount Velominis and The Rules continue to be expanded upon. Today we present you with two new Rules, in addition to the announcement of the first two Rules Book Signing Events.

The Rules will be released in the United States on May 5, known as Die Congnoscentus or V.V in old Velomiskrit. In support of its impending launch, we’re very excited to announce the first of our book signing events. The first will be in New York City’s flagship store on Saturday, May 3rd; the second will be held in Rapha’s store in San Francisco on Saturday, May 10. Both events will start with a ride leaving the Rapha store at 8:30am, returning around 2:30pm. The signing will take place in the respective Rapha store starting at 3:00pm. See the respective event pages for the NY Rapha Event and the SFO Rapha Event.

We took the opportunity to correct some issues and improve the quality of the photographs with respect to the UK version that came out last June. That’s not to say we fixed all the errors and didn’t introduce new ones; as long as I’m involved in any project you can be sure there will be problems. But in addition to being refreshed, we also gave the Prologue a facelift and Greg LeMond – the only American Tour de France winner – graciously wrote the Foreword. The US Release also contains four Rules which were not included in the UK release; two of them appeared on the site as they were divined, but the other two were reserved for the release of the book.

Rule #94 // Use the correct tool for the job, and use the tool correctly.
Bicycle maintenance is an art; tools are designed to serve specific purposes, and it is essential that the Velominatus learns to use each tool properly when working on their loyal machine.

For anyone who has ever tried to do something as simple as cut a brake cable or install a headset, this one doesn’t really need much explanation. Without the proper tools, you will certainly massacre the part and likely deface the bicycle itself. At worst, you will cause irreparable harm. The tools and learning to use them is as much a part of La Vie Velominatus as riding itself.

Rule #95 // Never lift your bike over your head.
Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one’s machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car’s roof-rack.

None of the Keepers understand why people are lifting their bikes over their heads. A road bicycle is meant to leave the ground as much as a Cyclist is meant to walk. It is an unholy thing and this behavior must come to a stop immediately.

For a full explanation on the origins and justification of these Rules, I suppose you will have to consult the latest release of the book or join us in New York or San Francisco.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Re: rule #95, agree, but just as I have been known to take the brunt of the collision in order to spare my machine in a crash (infrequent though it may be), so shall it be hoisted above me at the risk of drowning in case of flooding.

  • Rule 94 would have helped me in college when I spent an hour trying to remove a tire with a screwdriver. I've since learned of the existence of tire levers.

  • Rule #95 infractions always look to me like someone saying 'Look at me! I have a bike made of carbon fibre!  See how light it is?  Yay!'

    In a word: lame.

    @Ccos: The flooding exception seems fair!

  • Re: Rule 95: I postulate that a road bicycle is also permitted to leave the road when bunny hopping over road furniture at full speed to take the best line through a roundabout (obviously this exception only applies during an event).

  • @Ccos

    so shall it be hoisted above me at the risk of drowning in case of flooding

    That is a reasonable exception. Better the water should leak into your nostrils than your bottom bracket bearings. 

  • I will do everything I can to meet up and ride in SF.  Looking forward to it!

    Also, sometimes Rule #95 breaches just sort of happen

  • Learned the hard way that removing pedals without using the proper length lever will take a great deal of force to break free -- and also learned to put the chain up on the big ring. I now have an accurate 0.5 inch scare gauge (gauge not gouge) on my hand.

    Thankfully another chainring (clean) was already mounted when it jabbed 2 teeth into my palm.

  • @G'rilla

    Rule #94 would have helped me in college when I spent an hour trying to remove a tire with a screwdriver. I've since learned of the existence of tire levers.

    You were using a Phillips weren't you?

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