Categories: The RulesThe WorksV-Announcements

Book Release: Events and New Rules

The Prophet hands down the New V-Estament

The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path, not the end. In pursuit of La Vie Velominatus, we know of no end to the Path; each of us journey through an endless evolution of understanding and reverence. As such, The Word continues to be handed down from high upon Mount Velominis and The Rules continue to be expanded upon. Today we present you with two new Rules, in addition to the announcement of the first two Rules Book Signing Events.

The Rules will be released in the United States on May 5, known as Die Congnoscentus or V.V in old Velomiskrit. In support of its impending launch, we’re very excited to announce the first of our book signing events. The first will be in New York City’s flagship store on Saturday, May 3rd; the second will be held in Rapha’s store in San Francisco on Saturday, May 10. Both events will start with a ride leaving the Rapha store at 8:30am, returning around 2:30pm. The signing will take place in the respective Rapha store starting at 3:00pm. See the respective event pages for the NY Rapha Event and the SFO Rapha Event.

We took the opportunity to correct some issues and improve the quality of the photographs with respect to the UK version that came out last June. That’s not to say we fixed all the errors and didn’t introduce new ones; as long as I’m involved in any project you can be sure there will be problems. But in addition to being refreshed, we also gave the Prologue a facelift and Greg LeMond – the only American Tour de France winner – graciously wrote the Foreword. The US Release also contains four Rules which were not included in the UK release; two of them appeared on the site as they were divined, but the other two were reserved for the release of the book.

Rule #94 // Use the correct tool for the job, and use the tool correctly.
Bicycle maintenance is an art; tools are designed to serve specific purposes, and it is essential that the Velominatus learns to use each tool properly when working on their loyal machine.

For anyone who has ever tried to do something as simple as cut a brake cable or install a headset, this one doesn’t really need much explanation. Without the proper tools, you will certainly massacre the part and likely deface the bicycle itself. At worst, you will cause irreparable harm. The tools and learning to use them is as much a part of La Vie Velominatus as riding itself.

Rule #95 // Never lift your bike over your head.
Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one’s machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car’s roof-rack.

None of the Keepers understand why people are lifting their bikes over their heads. A road bicycle is meant to leave the ground as much as a Cyclist is meant to walk. It is an unholy thing and this behavior must come to a stop immediately.

For a full explanation on the origins and justification of these Rules, I suppose you will have to consult the latest release of the book or join us in New York or San Francisco.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Pedale.Forchetta says:

Apr 21 2014 at 2:21 pm

@Gianni I'll be in NYC few days, but unfortunately I'll be back in Italy the 30th of April... too bad.
Ron says:

Apr 21 2014 at 2:29 pm

@G'rilla

Rule #94 would have helped me in college when I spent an hour trying to remove a tire with a screwdriver. I've since learned of the existence of tire levers.

Sad to say that I also did this when installing new tires on my first true road bike. Bonkers. Know I'm able to install tires on my of my rims without anything more than my hands.
Rob says:

Apr 21 2014 at 2:42 pm

@seemunkee

Ain't nothin' new about #94. Mr. Natural been saying that ages

Keep on truckin! I don't know why Mr Natural has not shown up more on these pages? Oh, wait was he talking about tools for... Forget it. Peace, out.

@Frank, what's the route for the NYC ride? GW Bridge and up to the Runcible Spoon Bakery in Nyack, NY which is a stunning and hilly ride of about 80km I think?
Ron says:

Apr 21 2014 at 3:41 pm

@G'rilla

Rule #94 would have helped me in college when I spent an hour trying to remove a tire with a screwdriver. I've since learned of the existence of tire levers.

Sad to say that I also did this when installing new tires on my first true road bike. Bonkers. Now I'm able to install tires on most of my rims without anything more than my hands.

I swore that I'd have to sell my soul to the devil the first time I tried to mount 23 mm tires on a road rim.
therealpeel says:

Apr 21 2014 at 5:16 pm

All hail the rules! Read this on another site the other day. Some people just don't get it:

I liked the Velominati rules because they were so blatantly over the top and tongue in cheek, but what I hated were all the people who took them too seriously. It was like talking to a person who thinks Stephen Colbert is actually a right wing pundit and not a characterization of one for entertainment.
RedRanger says:

Apr 21 2014 at 5:20 pm

@Rob god I hope so. the Rapha store is in the meat packing district, so very close to the waste land we call New Jersey.
RedRanger says:

Apr 21 2014 at 7:05 pm

@RedRanger

@Rob god I hope so. the Rapha store is in the meat packing district, so very close to the waste land we call New Jersey.

and riding up the west side hgwy would be really nice.
DCR says:

Apr 21 2014 at 8:04 pm

@ChinookPass

Unless you are Mike Creed.

I currently own one of Mike Creeds old bikes. Awesome picture!
DerHoggz says:

Apr 21 2014 at 8:21 pm

@Ron

@G'rilla

Rule #94 would have helped me in college when I spent an hour trying to remove a tire with a screwdriver. I've since learned of the existence of tire levers.

Sad to say that I also did this when installing new tires on my first true road bike. Bonkers. Now I'm able to install tires on most of my rims without anything more than my hands.

I swore that I'd have to sell my soul to the devil the first time I tried to mount 23 mm tires on a road rim.

One time I flatted on a midnight commute and a cop pulled over for safety or somesuch. It took me like 5 minutes to stretch the tire back on and I felt like an idiot while he just stood there and watched.
Gianni says:

Apr 21 2014 at 8:27 pm

@Pedale.Forchetta

@Gianni I'll be in NYC few days, but unfortunately I'll be back in Italy the 30th of April... too bad.

Yes, that is too bad. That would have been much fun to see you in NYC. Enjoy your time in New York without us.