Book Release: Events and New Rules

The Prophet hands down the New V-Estament

The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path, not the end. In pursuit of La Vie Velominatus, we know of no end to the Path; each of us journey through an endless evolution of understanding and reverence. As such, The Word continues to be handed down from high upon Mount Velominis and The Rules continue to be expanded upon. Today we present you with two new Rules, in addition to the announcement of the first two Rules Book Signing Events.

The Rules will be released in the United States on May 5, known as Die Congnoscentus or V.V in old Velomiskrit. In support of its impending launch, we’re very excited to announce the first of our book signing events. The first will be in New York City’s flagship store on Saturday, May 3rd; the second will be held in Rapha’s store in San Francisco on Saturday, May 10. Both events will start with a ride leaving the Rapha store at 8:30am, returning around 2:30pm. The signing will take place in the respective Rapha store starting at 3:00pm. See the respective event pages for the NY Rapha Event and the SFO Rapha Event.

We took the opportunity to correct some issues and improve the quality of the photographs with respect to the UK version that came out last June. That’s not to say we fixed all the errors and didn’t introduce new ones; as long as I’m involved in any project you can be sure there will be problems. But in addition to being refreshed, we also gave the Prologue a facelift and Greg LeMond – the only American Tour de France winner – graciously wrote the Foreword. The US Release also contains four Rules which were not included in the UK release; two of them appeared on the site as they were divined, but the other two were reserved for the release of the book.

Rule #94 // Use the correct tool for the job, and use the tool correctly.
Bicycle maintenance is an art; tools are designed to serve specific purposes, and it is essential that the Velominatus learns to use each tool properly when working on their loyal machine.

For anyone who has ever tried to do something as simple as cut a brake cable or install a headset, this one doesn’t really need much explanation. Without the proper tools, you will certainly massacre the part and likely deface the bicycle itself. At worst, you will cause irreparable harm. The tools and learning to use them is as much a part of La Vie Velominatus as riding itself.

Rule #95 // Never lift your bike over your head.
Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one’s machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car’s roof-rack.

None of the Keepers understand why people are lifting their bikes over their heads. A road bicycle is meant to leave the ground as much as a Cyclist is meant to walk. It is an unholy thing and this behavior must come to a stop immediately.

For a full explanation on the origins and justification of these Rules, I suppose you will have to consult the latest release of the book or join us in New York or San Francisco.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Looking forward to getting a copy. Glad to see LeMelvis is on board too. For one thing, it shows he has a sense of humor! I just can't imagine another (well-known) American cyclist penning the intro.

  • Also, if you are violating Rule #95, then you have too much upper body strength, and clearly aren't riding your bike enough to begin with. Hill repeats as penance until you can recite "Hail Merckx, full of grace..." without your wasp inhaling getting in the way.

  • As an aircraft mechanic I can really appreciate Rule 94. That said, some times you need to get creative/fabricate custom tools. Like when I used a C clamp and some wood to install a press fit BB. But now that I have 2 bikes that require pressing in BBs, I think its time to get the proper tool.

    Don't use the knife on a leatherman to take a Shimano chain apart. Some of you know what I'm talking about.

  • Let's not forget that Rule #94 extends to the bike itself, and is the chief driver behind the N+1 equation. At least that's how I'm trying to justify buying a rain bike.

  • @G'rilla

    Rule #94 would have helped me in college when I spent an hour trying to remove a tire with a screwdriver. I've since learned of the existence of tire levers.

    Would've saved me an awful lot of trouble when I tried to use my car keys in an emergency - with the result being that both means of transportation were rendered useless.

  • @unversio

    @G'rilla

    Rule #94 would have helped me in college when I spent an hour trying to remove a tire with a screwdriver. I've since learned of the existence of tire levers.

    You were using a Phillips weren't you?

    Never work on your bike while drinking.  This is a screwdriver.....

    and this is a tyre lever

  • "This (hiccup) is a screwdrivuuur... and this... (hiccup) tyrelevuuur... ... ... okaaay!"

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