Book Release: Events and New Rules

The Prophet hands down the New V-Estament

The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path, not the end. In pursuit of La Vie Velominatus, we know of no end to the Path; each of us journey through an endless evolution of understanding and reverence. As such, The Word continues to be handed down from high upon Mount Velominis and The Rules continue to be expanded upon. Today we present you with two new Rules, in addition to the announcement of the first two Rules Book Signing Events.

The Rules will be released in the United States on May 5, known as Die Congnoscentus or V.V in old Velomiskrit. In support of its impending launch, we’re very excited to announce the first of our book signing events. The first will be in New York City’s flagship store on Saturday, May 3rd; the second will be held in Rapha’s store in San Francisco on Saturday, May 10. Both events will start with a ride leaving the Rapha store at 8:30am, returning around 2:30pm. The signing will take place in the respective Rapha store starting at 3:00pm. See the respective event pages for the NY Rapha Event and the SFO Rapha Event.

We took the opportunity to correct some issues and improve the quality of the photographs with respect to the UK version that came out last June. That’s not to say we fixed all the errors and didn’t introduce new ones; as long as I’m involved in any project you can be sure there will be problems. But in addition to being refreshed, we also gave the Prologue a facelift and Greg LeMond – the only American Tour de France winner – graciously wrote the Foreword. The US Release also contains four Rules which were not included in the UK release; two of them appeared on the site as they were divined, but the other two were reserved for the release of the book.

Rule #94 // Use the correct tool for the job, and use the tool correctly.
Bicycle maintenance is an art; tools are designed to serve specific purposes, and it is essential that the Velominatus learns to use each tool properly when working on their loyal machine.

For anyone who has ever tried to do something as simple as cut a brake cable or install a headset, this one doesn’t really need much explanation. Without the proper tools, you will certainly massacre the part and likely deface the bicycle itself. At worst, you will cause irreparable harm. The tools and learning to use them is as much a part of La Vie Velominatus as riding itself.

Rule #95 // Never lift your bike over your head.
Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one’s machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car’s roof-rack.

None of the Keepers understand why people are lifting their bikes over their heads. A road bicycle is meant to leave the ground as much as a Cyclist is meant to walk. It is an unholy thing and this behavior must come to a stop immediately.

For a full explanation on the origins and justification of these Rules, I suppose you will have to consult the latest release of the book or join us in New York or San Francisco.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • Celebrity book signings; link ups with Rapha cafes on both coasts; foreword by Greg Lemond... where did it all go so wrong?

    Chapeau, chaps on your US publication.  UK first edition was a cracking read, and am sure this will carry on from where that left off.

    Love the publication date of V. V... although dangerously close to Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you... boom).

  • Congrats Keepers on the US book launch. Any chance Toronto might be on your whirlwind tour? We have hills, gravel and good micro-brews too!

  • @eenies

    Rule #95! FFS, shirley you can give an exception for bike storage applications?

    I think this is in the same spirit of the exception for placing your bike on a roof rack.

  • @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask... is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I'm looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I'm open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Baseball?! It's the only sport slower and more boring than cricket...

    Good luck with the adult "acting" though, that sounds a bit more exciting for ya. Plus, it could offer years and years of slowly burning memories.

  • Recently found that a Dremel and a cut-off wheel are the best tool for trimming cables and housings.  No crimping, stray metal, or un-square housing ends and no fraying of the cable.  like buttah.

  • @VeloVita

    @eenies

    Rule #95! FFS, shirley you can give an exception for bike storage applications?

    I think this is in the same spirit of the exception for placing your bike on a roof rack.

    @eenies Also, the masturbation principle seems to apply here. Whatever you do in that dark little room in your basement...we don't want to know about it!

  • @Roadslave525

    Chapeau, chaps on US publication date. First edition was a cracking book, and sounds like this will carry on where that left off.
    Love The V. V publication date... Day after Star Wars Day (May the Fourth be with you - boom).
    Celebrity book signings; link ups with Rapha cafés on both coasts; foreword from Greg LeMond: where did it all go so wrong?

    Cinco de Mayo!

Share
Published by
frank

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago