Book Release: Events and New Rules

The Prophet hands down the New V-Estament

The Rules lie at the beginning of The Path, not the end. In pursuit of La Vie Velominatus, we know of no end to the Path; each of us journey through an endless evolution of understanding and reverence. As such, The Word continues to be handed down from high upon Mount Velominis and The Rules continue to be expanded upon. Today we present you with two new Rules, in addition to the announcement of the first two Rules Book Signing Events.

The Rules will be released in the United States on May 5, known as Die Congnoscentus or V.V in old Velomiskrit. In support of its impending launch, we’re very excited to announce the first of our book signing events. The first will be in New York City’s flagship store on Saturday, May 3rd; the second will be held in Rapha’s store in San Francisco on Saturday, May 10. Both events will start with a ride leaving the Rapha store at 8:30am, returning around 2:30pm. The signing will take place in the respective Rapha store starting at 3:00pm. See the respective event pages for the NY Rapha Event and the SFO Rapha Event.

We took the opportunity to correct some issues and improve the quality of the photographs with respect to the UK version that came out last June. That’s not to say we fixed all the errors and didn’t introduce new ones; as long as I’m involved in any project you can be sure there will be problems. But in addition to being refreshed, we also gave the Prologue a facelift and Greg LeMond – the only American Tour de France winner – graciously wrote the Foreword. The US Release also contains four Rules which were not included in the UK release; two of them appeared on the site as they were divined, but the other two were reserved for the release of the book.

Rule #94 // Use the correct tool for the job, and use the tool correctly.
Bicycle maintenance is an art; tools are designed to serve specific purposes, and it is essential that the Velominatus learns to use each tool properly when working on their loyal machine.

For anyone who has ever tried to do something as simple as cut a brake cable or install a headset, this one doesn’t really need much explanation. Without the proper tools, you will certainly massacre the part and likely deface the bicycle itself. At worst, you will cause irreparable harm. The tools and learning to use them is as much a part of La Vie Velominatus as riding itself.

Rule #95 // Never lift your bike over your head.
Under no circumstances is it acceptable to raise one’s machine above your head. The only exception is when placing it onto a car’s roof-rack.

None of the Keepers understand why people are lifting their bikes over their heads. A road bicycle is meant to leave the ground as much as a Cyclist is meant to walk. It is an unholy thing and this behavior must come to a stop immediately.

For a full explanation on the origins and justification of these Rules, I suppose you will have to consult the latest release of the book or join us in New York or San Francisco.

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

View Comments

  • @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask... is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I'm looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I'm open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Are you staying in Beverly Hills? I live in Long Beach, but if there's enough of us here in SoCal it would be nice to organize a mini-Cogal that Friday morning.

  • @Haldy

    All Hail Rule #94!! As a lifelong member of the Brotherhood of the Wrench I have seen many,many acts of tomfoolery enacted upon poor unsuspecting bicycles by people having no idea how to properly wield tools.

    If you don't know how to fix it..IT'S OKAY..we are happy to fix it for you!

    My reverence for Rule #58 extends to wrenching. I am more than happy to have my LBS mechs do anything beyond the simplest of things. I usually bring them coffee beans too.

  • @Ron

    @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask... is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I'm looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I'm open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Baseball?! It's the only sport slower and more boring than cricket...

    Baseball is only boring to those who don't understand the subtleties of the game. (insert winky-face here)

  • @KW

    @Haldy

    All Hail Rule #94!! As a lifelong member of the Brotherhood of the Wrench I have seen many,many acts of tomfoolery enacted upon poor unsuspecting bicycles by people having no idea how to properly wield tools.

    If you don't know how to fix it..IT'S OKAY..we are happy to fix it for you!

    My reverence for Rule #58 extends to wrenching. I am more than happy to have my LBS mechs do anything beyond the simplest of things. I usually bring them coffee beans too.

    You sir are an inspiration! :-)  I'd happy do a full overhaul on the spot for free coffee! I also have a scotch habit...there are many Seattle bike racers riding on hand-built wheels that were paid for in bottles of Scotland's finest.

  • @doubleR

    Are you staying in Beverly Hills? I live in Long Beach, but if there's enough of us here in SoCal it would be nice to organize a mini-Cogal that Friday morning.

    I am indeed - SLS Hotel I think it's called. If more convenient though I could rebase somewhere else on Thursday night  - just have to get to LAX for a 1645 flight.

    A mini-cogal would be great if people could make it on a Friday. Would be cool to get out with some SoCal Velominati.

    @Ron What do you mean - baseball is fucking thrill a minute compared to cricket. Baseball games don't last five days and still end in a tie.

    I'm not saying that's a good thing or a better thing, it's just a thing.

  • @ChrisO

    @doubleR

    Are you staying in Beverly Hills? I live in Long Beach, but if there's enough of us here in SoCal it would be nice to organize a mini-Cogal that Friday morning.

    I am indeed - SLS Hotel I think it's called. If more convenient though I could rebase somewhere else on Thursday night - just have to get to LAX for a 1645 flight.

    A mini-cogal would be great if people could make it on a Friday. Would be cool to get out with some SoCal Velominati.

    @Ron What do you mean - baseball is fucking thrill a minute compared to cricket. Baseball games don't last five days and still end in a tie.

    I'm not saying that's a good thing or a better thing, it's just a thing.

    Chris, assume that you are not travelling with your bike--would you be looking to rent one for a day? 

    Richard

  • @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask... is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I'm looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I'm open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Hi Chris.  I am in LA and as it happens ( but I am a velobrit) I'm working Thurs night and get off that morning, I might be able to ride.   The best riding is in the Santa Monicas which you could easily access by driving up the pch north of Santa Monica out by Malibu.  However I wonder if in all practicality you really have time.  Maybe with an early start.  You have to be at LAX , what, a couple of hours early ?   Traffic on the 405 will be horrendous.  Believe me I do it every day!    Closer to where you are staying you could ride in Griffiths Park.  I don't know that area but I will email @joe and get him to chime in, he rides around there after work all the time.    Feel free to get my email off Frank if you want to see if we can figure something out.  I know where you can rent a bike  and/or borrow one.  What size do you ride?    Something else to consider is Griffiths park observatory and science museum. For my money a lot more worth a visit than the Getty.     By the way if you like Garlic you are staying right by a fun place to eat called  The Stinking Rose, you should check it out.

  • @doubleR

    @ChrisO

    As this thread is likely to attract the attention of our many Velomericans it seems a good place to ask... is anyone in Los Angeles?

    I have most of a day to kill there in June (Friday the 13th as it happens). Attending a conference at a hotel in Beverly Hills which finishes Thurs afternoon but I have to wait until Friday afternoon for a flight so I'm looking for something to do, possibly involving bicycles.

    Alternatively I'm open to any other suggestions about what to do, not being particularly inclined to give a shit about celebrities, film-stars and so on.

    I did look to see if there was a baseball game but the Dodgers are on the road on Thursday unfortunately. And so far no porn studios have responded to my emails.

    Are you staying in Beverly Hills? I live in Long Beach, but if there's enough of us here in SoCal it would be nice to organize a mini-Cogal that Friday morning.

    Oh..didnt see this...Yep double r I'd probably be up for  a ride!!

  • @Haldy

    @KW

    @Haldy

    All Hail Rule #94!! As a lifelong member of the Brotherhood of the Wrench I have seen many,many acts of tomfoolery enacted upon poor unsuspecting bicycles by people having no idea how to properly wield tools.

    If you don't know how to fix it..IT'S OKAY..we are happy to fix it for you!

    My reverence for Rule #58 extends to wrenching. I am more than happy to have my LBS mechs do anything beyond the simplest of things. I usually bring them coffee beans too.

    You sir are an inspiration! :-) I'd happy do a full overhaul on the spot for free coffee! I also have a scotch habit...there are many Seattle bike racers riding on hand-built wheels that were paid for in bottles of Scotland's finest.

    What? Irn Bru? Would those wheels be made from girders?

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