Confessions of a Keeper: Descension

Forgive my off-season indiscretions Father.

The only thing worse than being two months from peaking and too fat to climb is being two months past peaking and in the middle of the season of rapid weight gain. At least with the former there is something to look forward to as you measure the incremental gains of your training as the almost daily rides of the season accumulate on your Strava profile. The latter can seem like a long dark tunnel that leads only to fat and slow. For those of us living in the Northern Hemisphere, on the tundra and ice-covered roads, with only 8 1/2 hours of daylight, a proper road ride and last season’s gains can seem like a distant dream. The juxtaposition of climbing well for your weight and expanding into a larger jersey size before your very own eyes is a cross the Velominatus must sometimes have to bear.

2012 was perhaps the best season I’ve ever had on a bike. It actually began on the trainer on New Year’s Day as I started training for the Keepers Tour. After returning from the trip of a lifetime riding the cobbles of Norther France and Belgium I was able to hold momentum at the start of the season at home. Next up was the Almanzo 100 in May, a very hard gravel race in which I was happy with my result. Then, the guys began gathering for our Tuesday group rides. On the whole, the group really got after it this year and we pushed each other to some great levels of fitness. Coupled with my almost daily solo rides, I was seeing progress early and often. Then the season was punctuated in September by a 15th placing in the Heck of the North, another gravel race. I had timed my peaks pretty well for an amateur and as my Strava numbers got bigger La Volupte and I had become closer acquaintances.

Then November happened. I hold about as much appreciation for November as I do for March in this part of the world. That is to say none. November and March are the shoulder seasons and the only time of year when running actually seems like a plausible way to stay fit. In November the Rule #11 chickens start coming home to roost, the roads can turn to shit and aren’t safe to ride, and graveling becomes an exercise in survival as half the month is slotted for deer hunting. Mates that haven’t been seen all summer start to wander into town again for Happy Hour beers at the local micro-brew. Food becomes laden with butter, chocolate, and carbs. This November was exacerbated by the fact that I went down for two solid weeks with a viral infection. I was so fucking sick I shit the bed one night. For Merckx’s Sake it took a lot of the V to recover from that one. Now I know how Thor must have felt about this year’s Spring Classics campaign. The only difference being my spring was better than his and my fall was his spring.

So let me have it. Tell me to Rule #5. Tell me to get out and ride my bike, set up the trainer, stop whinging. I probably deserve it after all this. I’m banking on the fact though that there are others like me out there. Others who have witnessed their own precipitous descension from peak form to shit in the matter of weeks. It really is incredible, the difference in how long it takes to build that form and how quickly it disappears. So please, grant me this one confession. Share your own despair if you like but then let’s move on. Let’s share in the fleeting catharsis that being a little bitch can offer and then begin the long, painful, and awesome slog back to the V together again.

 

Marko

Marko lives and rides in the upper midwest of the States, Minnesota specifically. "Cycling territory" and "the midwest" don't usually end up in the same sentence unless the conversation turns to the roots of LeMond, Hampsten, Heiden and Ochowitz. While the pavé and bergs of Flanders are his preferred places to ride, you can usually find him harvesting gravel along forest and farm roads. He owes a lot to Cycling and his greatest contribution to cycling may forever be coining the term Rainbow Turd.

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  • @frank

    Ok. So the ride home from work is usually the best part of the day.

    Not today. Road construction; back track to find another route. Up some steep, 20+% grades through Bellevue. Then across the I-90 bridge and I snapped my chain coming up another punchy little climb. Removed busted links and then absent-mindedly crossed my chain shortly thereafter and lodged my chain in the block so tight I had to take the wheel out to get moving again.

    Rode home in the little ring.

    All this in the rain. It still beat work, but in this instance the ride in was the best part of the day.

    So with all this hard core commuting you're doing, I'm just wondering:

    1) Have you reconsidered your stance on mudguards?

    2) What about rule 66? No rethinking given your new forays onto the interstate highway system?

    3) Finally, are you still using your Soloist? I thought you would be looking for a full-on commuter rig by now. A perfect excuse for an n+1.

    Based on the other posts here, it sounds like you're the only one actually still riding your bike.

  • @scaler911

    @minion

    Worst fucking day of the year here is Jan 2nd. Holiday over, fat, hungover, cold, wet and dark most of the day. But the night skiing is good.

    I'm belting the shit out of myself at the moment. About 80km per week of commuting, track racing tuesday night, crit wednesday night, training sessions 2 mornings a week and a couple of bunch rides on the weekends. Hasn't rained here for weeks. The tan lines are sharp and state champs are coming up. What the fuck are you people talking about? Do you even do bikes?

  • @minion Heh, yeah, I've never heard so much whinging in all my life.

    I was hurting tonight at crits because it was 34 degrees. What's winter?

  • @minion @mouse @girl

    So I guess you're all prepping for the Adelaide Cogal right? Right?

  • @Harminator

    You too @Skip?

    Dude, I'm in Spain.  Might be bit far to travel for a Cogal. But if I happen to be down there I'll look you guys up.

    Weather here is sunny but cool.  Still getting out to ride a good bit. Reading about everyone else's hardships makes me appreciate the weather I've got and motivates me to go outside and ride.

  • @Skip

    The thing is what do you say to a post like that...

    Responding to a woebegone tide of weight, whiskey and non-riding with tales of sun, slimness and glorious rides would be like hearing about someone's divorce and telling them how happy your 20 year marriage has been.

    I have winter at the moment and it's fabulous. High 20s during the day, high teens overnight, which will get down to 12C in a few weeks.

    I've started wearing an undervest and using lycra shoe-covers, and soon I will put on the full winter ensemble of arm warmers and long-finger gloves, with a gilet and knee warmers for extreme (below 10C) weather.

    As for riding I have good sensations halfway through the racing season. This morning I was knocking 5 or 6 seconds off my usual interval times, and I didn't feel I was going any faster or harder.

    I have barely touched alcohol for weeks and am close to reaching 82kg from my normal 85kg.

    But I'm not posting all that...

  • @ChrisO As another desert dweller winter is my favorite part of the year. I can finally enjoy going outside. this is what the forecast looked like yesterday

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