The only thing worse than being two months from peaking and too fat to climb is being two months past peaking and in the middle of the season of rapid weight gain. At least with the former there is something to look forward to as you measure the incremental gains of your training as the almost daily rides of the season accumulate on your Strava profile. The latter can seem like a long dark tunnel that leads only to fat and slow. For those of us living in the Northern Hemisphere, on the tundra and ice-covered roads, with only 8 1/2 hours of daylight, a proper road ride and last season’s gains can seem like a distant dream. The juxtaposition of climbing well for your weight and expanding into a larger jersey size before your very own eyes is a cross the Velominatus must sometimes have to bear.
2012 was perhaps the best season I’ve ever had on a bike. It actually began on the trainer on New Year’s Day as I started training for the Keepers Tour. After returning from the trip of a lifetime riding the cobbles of Norther France and Belgium I was able to hold momentum at the start of the season at home. Next up was the Almanzo 100 in May, a very hard gravel race in which I was happy with my result. Then, the guys began gathering for our Tuesday group rides. On the whole, the group really got after it this year and we pushed each other to some great levels of fitness. Coupled with my almost daily solo rides, I was seeing progress early and often. Then the season was punctuated in September by a 15th placing in the Heck of the North, another gravel race. I had timed my peaks pretty well for an amateur and as my Strava numbers got bigger La Volupte and I had become closer acquaintances.
Then November happened. I hold about as much appreciation for November as I do for March in this part of the world. That is to say none. November and March are the shoulder seasons and the only time of year when running actually seems like a plausible way to stay fit. In November the Rule #11 chickens start coming home to roost, the roads can turn to shit and aren’t safe to ride, and graveling becomes an exercise in survival as half the month is slotted for deer hunting. Mates that haven’t been seen all summer start to wander into town again for Happy Hour beers at the local micro-brew. Food becomes laden with butter, chocolate, and carbs. This November was exacerbated by the fact that I went down for two solid weeks with a viral infection. I was so fucking sick I shit the bed one night. For Merckx’s Sake it took a lot of the V to recover from that one. Now I know how Thor must have felt about this year’s Spring Classics campaign. The only difference being my spring was better than his and my fall was his spring.
So let me have it. Tell me to Rule #5. Tell me to get out and ride my bike, set up the trainer, stop whinging. I probably deserve it after all this. I’m banking on the fact though that there are others like me out there. Others who have witnessed their own precipitous descension from peak form to shit in the matter of weeks. It really is incredible, the difference in how long it takes to build that form and how quickly it disappears. So please, grant me this one confession. Share your own despair if you like but then let’s move on. Let’s share in the fleeting catharsis that being a little bitch can offer and then begin the long, painful, and awesome slog back to the V together again.
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Anyway - after destroying my helmet and pride on the ice yesterday I read in the news today that the Duke's Pass of Cogal fame was so icy that not only did a car get stuck on it and not only couldn't anyone stand up - the RAF helecopter they sent to complete the rescue had to winch everyone on board after it had landed as no one could stand up to get up the ramp at the back. Now that's slippy.
@Marko
I wonder why people go to all the trouble to create an account for just one post. Com'on back @carpy. I'm in a mood, and I'll bet you'd be fun to have around here. Much like the guy from Saturday's ride that pulled up next to us while it was 3C and raining, (and after all the climbing was done) rolled his passenger window down and introduced himself by yelling "HEY ASSHOLE..." at me.
@the Engine
That really, really sucks. A fucking helicopter rescue ffs... the furthest you are from a TOWN on that road is like maybe 7km. Some folk ought to sort themselves out. When I was a kid in Ontario and your car got stuck in the winter, well you walked home and dug it out in the spring. No wonder you Brit fuckers lost the Empire.
@strathlubnaig Boy, too bad for them you weren't there to sort it for them.
@Marko Not sure if you mean stop them from losing The Empire or walk these folks back to the road, but Yeah, Damn Right to either.
@strathlubnaig Okay then.
scaler - That guy sounds like a real charmer! A few weeks back went to a party with a pal, waited outside for my friend to assess the situation. Some dude comes to the fence and calls out, "Hey, are you a fireman or just a hipster?"
Wow, I wanted to get a little face time with that guy. When I'm biking around on weekends & most drivers are drunk I wear a workman's hi viz jacket with reflective stripes. I figure some folks might think more, "Oh, he digs holes for a living," than "let's throw a bottle at that pussy cyclist." And I'm very visible.
I was hoping this dude would leave the party so I could give him a quick tutorial on unnecessarily fucking with strangers. It's so strange to me that anyone who is a) actually a pussy b) fat c) lazy and out of shape would ever think it's a good idea to fuck with someone who is in great shape (this Descension period aside!) AND all warmed up and ready to throw down.
It's amazing to me how many folks in this world would have grown up & turned out so much fucking better if just once they'd been punched in the face, backhanded, or plain beat up. Anyone who doesn't have an older brother should have asked a friend to punch them in the face sometime between the of 12-16 so the could have gotten being a punkish dickhead out of their system.
@Ron
Ron?
On the original post though, I hear ya. After a tremendous (for me) summer and fall with a shed load o' km put it in I was feeling pleased with my progress, then a sudden bout of WORK reared its ugly head and I find myself sliding backwards, fast. One week off in five, the offshore gym bike and treadmill may slow the decline a little, but Xmas beckons and all that goes with it. I is disheartening but we all know we can claw our way back, regaining our form is just something to look forward to.
@strathlubnaig
I'll be posting a "Harden the Fuck Up" wrist band out to them as soon as I find out who it was. Sheer embarrassment would stop me asking for rescue on a road with houses all along it unless my leg was off - and even then. Time for another Rule #5 Talk.