This note arrived to the Velominati Bunker back in April. It was a confession. It was a cautionary one. Everyone knows someone who has done this. I nearly did it myself*. I replied to Alex, not sympathetically enough yet his message has stayed with me. Is this worthy of a New Rule?
Yours in Cycling, Gianni
Dear illustrious members ,
I wondered if the members had a Rule for irregular removal of bikes from roof, off vehicle? I feel the need to explain a little incident that occurred after picking up my two Specialized bikes from storage after having moved house.
Both bikes were sitting comfortably on the Thule roof rack and we were making good headway back to my new residence in Bourne end. I had both my boys in the car and was a little distracted with a conversation with my eldest. Mentioned in the conversation was the issue of lunch. So it made sense to pull into Waitrose to get a bite to eat. Err need I go on? We entered into Waitrose at a good speed.
There was a horrendous noise that I cannot describe and still haunts me, followed by the sound of breaking glass as both bikes and roof rack hit the ground after briefly entering the boot through the rear window.
Some of you will remember an incident, many years ago, to a chap called Marcellus. I remember thinking I would never be stupid enough to drive my car through a barrier with a bike on top of my roof. Well I have exceeded this by wrecking my bike and my girlfriend’s bike. oops
Training is on hold for the moment.
Proposed Rule #96 -Twatting your bike.
Driver and also owner of bikes on roof of car, removes bikes from roof of car by driving through a barrier. Owner of bike shall be referred to as a twat until bike has been replaced, or repaired. Exceptions are if wife or girlfriend is driving car in which case a possible conspiracy theory may have to be investigated. This confirms the need for Rule #12: the number of bikes owned should be N +1. You can at least be sure of a spare available.
Waitrose are suing me for damaging their barrier
Bastards
*Two identical Alan CX bikes on the roof of my car as I delivered a racer to the airport after he won the cyclocross nationals many years ago. Luckily the handlebars lightly hit a warning sign as I ripped into the departure drop off. Had that gone badly, I would have had to find another sport.
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OK, so far the consensus seems to be adding it to the lexicon, it's not Rule worthy. This is how we figure these things out.
@Ron
This was pre-texting, imagine that world. But yes he was on his cell phone and I bet he thought twice about talking on the phone and pulling into his garage after that. Between the damage to his car and the damage to his bike, not to mention the garage, it was an expensive mistake.
Last year, while out on a ride, I met a fine fellow that had a Mercedes-Benz Sprinter Van that he'd converted to the task of hauling friends and bikes. It had the two front seats and then a single bench in behind to accommodate a total of 5 passengers. All along the left side of the vehicle through the cargo area was a Park Tools tool bench replete with all sorts of shiny twisting and turning utensils. At even intervals along the right side of the cargo hold were mounted front fork mounts with quick releases so that you could hang 5 bikes along the wall of the cargo hold with front wheels removed - he had some other ingenious way of hanging the front wheels between the frames. When you opened the rear cargo doors there was a Park Tools top tube grabbing bike holder so that you could work on or clean the bikes pre and post race.
And, to top it all off, sitting on top of the Tool Bench was a lovely little Espresso machine and some delicate fine china!
@kixsand
That is very serious and civilized sounding. I know a guy in Washington state who bought a yellow school bus with a handicapped lift-gate. He removed most of the seats, installed bench seats and uses the lift-gate for lifting kegs of beer into the bus. It's sole purpose is to move cyclists around. Also very civilized.
Agree this is more appropriately a part of the lexicon rather than a rule.
In our case: When on the roof rack on the MINI both bikes clear the garage door by 2cm; when in the bed of the truck (with spiffy Yakima fork mount), clears by 70cm.
There was the day, however, at a previous home whilst following the VMH home from a race I had completed: bike on MINI with VMH as vehicle commander and me following in the work truck. Panic in watching the garage door open, the MINI and bike begin to enter! About the only time I ever used the horn so vigorously! She stopped with less than a metre to broken bike.
@Boltzmann
I've heard a similar story involving a drive-through hamburger restaurant with Scottish origins and a car laden with TT bikes. Triathletes of course. Wondered why people were yelling at them and blasting their horns until they realised that their front wheels were within a metre of the high-limit barrier. I also know two people who have separately Marcellus'd their bikes TWICE. Thats four bikes all up......all into their own garages.
The best and most unlikely testament to wheel strength and build quality is via a colleague who Marcellus'd (sorry, not a fan of twatting. Names are funnier and more obscure, like Delgado) her bike on the roof of a weeks-old VW Golf. Roof-racks were ripped off the car, $8,000 damage. Bike was fine. Front wheel was not even out of true. Fulcrum Racing Zero's in case you're interested.
@Gianni & Kixand - they do sound like very civilised and frankly, committed set-ups. I aspire to that level of existence. There is a lot to be said for well-kitted vans.
@Buck Rogers
Yep. Was on my way home from a race, going to a buddies, dropped into the local grocery store for like 10min. Came out and you know how you look for your car in a crowded parking lot by looking for your bike on top? Well, it wasn't there.
Took some convincing (in the mid 90's) to get the insurance agent to believe I had $5K worth of bicycle stolen.
@Teocalli
been there, still get chills about what might have happened.
@mhoffinator
Admittedly I only use my rack when going to a race since they're usually too far away to ride my bike there, BUT I do have a rear rack potential horror story. The shortened version is that I had to get into the brush wagon on a charity ride (rear derailleur was ripped off the bike in a horrible accident with the bike finally failing as a single speed after an additional 50km stopping every 2-3 km or so to fix the poor beast). I wasn't too jazzed about my bike being racked on the back so we laid the injuried bike in the van only to be rear ended 5 minutes later. The bike would have been destroyed had it been on the rear rack no question.
With a roof rack you are limited by your own stupidity, with the rear rack you are the mercy of the stupidity of others. I'll take my chances with the former, thank you very much.
@fignons barber
I like the cut of your jib sir.
@chris m
While "twatting the bike" is cute, it is not nearly as specifically descriptive as this gem for the Lexicon. "Twatting the bike" could have its place though, as it could mean any positioning of the bike that allows it to become suddenly overcome by gravity or immovable object while not being ridden (fall down, off, over) and subsequently tainted (damaged).
On a one-way street with my wife at the wheel and bike on the driver's side in the roof rack. I was heading to a week-long "tour" we organize to promote healthy living and arriving at our leader's home where the bus and support vehicle were ready to accept me and my gear. I said pull over to the left (one-way street remember) to park, unfortunately the kids had their mobile basketball not pulled off the street but the basket and its chain net overhung the curb. Sure enough the handlebars got caught in the net, twisted the rack and broke my front fork. It was friday evening around seven and we were hitting the road first thing the next morning. No back-up bike. As luck would have it a local bike shop took mercy on me and fitted a fork which didn't match but worked and they also switched the brakes as mine won't work with the new fork - all for an excellent price as they appreciated what we were doing. Still have the bike with the odd fork and front brakes but I also have a new bike having been given budgetary approval based, in part, on the fact that it wasn't me driving. I endorse the new rule.