Guest Article: Proposed New Rule #96, the Marcellus Rule

Roof racks Rule. photo-Honda

This note arrived to the Velominati Bunker back in April. It was a confession. It was a cautionary one. Everyone knows someone who has done this. I nearly did it myself*. I replied to Alex, not sympathetically enough yet his message has stayed with me. Is this worthy of a New Rule? 

Yours in Cycling, Gianni

Dear illustrious members ,

I wondered if the members had a Rule for irregular removal of bikes from roof, off vehicle? I feel the need to explain a little incident that occurred after picking up my two Specialized bikes from storage after having moved house.

Both  bikes  were sitting comfortably on the Thule roof rack and we were making good headway back to my new residence in Bourne end. I had both my boys in the car and was a little distracted with a conversation with my eldest. Mentioned in the conversation was the issue of lunch. So it made sense to pull into Waitrose to get a bite to eat. Err need I go on? We entered into Waitrose at a good speed.

There was a horrendous noise that I cannot describe and still haunts me, followed by the sound of breaking glass as both bikes and roof rack hit the ground after briefly entering the boot through the rear window.

Some of you will remember an incident, many years ago, to a chap called Marcellus. I remember thinking I would never be stupid enough to drive my car through a barrier with a bike on top of my roof. Well I have exceeded this by wrecking my bike and my girlfriend’s bike. oops

Training is on hold for the moment.

Proposed Rule #96 -Twatting your bike.

Driver and also owner of bikes on roof of car, removes bikes from roof of car by driving through a barrier. Owner of bike shall be referred to as a twat until bike has been replaced, or repaired. Exceptions are if wife or girlfriend is driving car in which case a possible conspiracy theory may have to be investigated. This confirms the need for Rule #12: the number of bikes owned should be N +1. You can at least be sure of a spare available.

Waitrose are suing me for damaging their barrier

Bastards

*Two identical Alan CX bikes on the roof of my car as I delivered a racer to the airport after he won the cyclocross nationals many years ago. Luckily the handlebars lightly hit a warning sign as I ripped into the departure drop off. Had that gone badly, I would have had to find another sport.

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  • @Ccos This is the exact reason why I decided on a roof rack. I've seen the damage to bikes caused by other peoples lack of judgement on rear racks. I opted for a Yashima Frontloader and used it for the first time last week. Quick and easy to load and dismount. I did have to remind the VMH to stop once before we went through low arches at the castle we stayed at.

  • decided against a roof rack for this very reason. i heard of a guy driving down the highway, his litespeed secured to the rack on the roof. only problem is, the rack wasn't secured to the roof. so at cruising speed, he hears a sudden whoosh, looks in the rearview mirror, & sees the rack (w/his bike on it) skidding & showering sparks behind him on the highway. it landed "jelly side up", w/no harm to the bike. so it's a hitch rack for me--i can see it in my rearview mirror the entire time.

    also, if i need to drive somewhere & take my bike (& don't want to dally w/ the hitch rack), we have a honda fit, so it goes in the back seat--no parts removal necessary. now mind you, i ride a 64cm frame!  follow along here: pop off the front wheel, turn the bars 90° to the left, slide the bike in from the rear passenger's side door, & rest the bottom bracket on the edge of the seat (L crank up, R down). 1 fork arm will rest inside the door handle, & the majority of the bike will slot behind the seats. put front wheel between bike & rear seat, viola. takes less than 30 seconds. i put an old sheet down on the rear seat to prevent fabric from picking up any grease marks.

  • @actor1

    i put an old sheet down on the rear seat to prevent fabric from picking up any grease marks.

    You mean the greased parts from picking up any fabric, right?

  • I used to carry the bikes on the roof but having to reverse out of a French toll gate with a height restriction bar in the middle of the night in heavy traffic should have been enough incentive to find an alternative method of transportation. Watching a car in the rear view mirror swerve to avoid two bikes that had jettisoned themselves from the roof without warning certainly was. This is how we travel now:

  • @Ron In most states in Oz, texting while driving will get you a $300-odd fine. Last year, someone got a jail term for killing a pedestrian while texting.

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