This note arrived to the Velominati Bunker back in April. It was a confession. It was a cautionary one. Everyone knows someone who has done this. I nearly did it myself*. I replied to Alex, not sympathetically enough yet his message has stayed with me. Is this worthy of a New Rule?
Yours in Cycling, Gianni
Dear illustrious members ,
I wondered if the members had a Rule for irregular removal of bikes from roof, off vehicle? I feel the need to explain a little incident that occurred after picking up my two Specialized bikes from storage after having moved house.
Both bikes were sitting comfortably on the Thule roof rack and we were making good headway back to my new residence in Bourne end. I had both my boys in the car and was a little distracted with a conversation with my eldest. Mentioned in the conversation was the issue of lunch. So it made sense to pull into Waitrose to get a bite to eat. Err need I go on? We entered into Waitrose at a good speed.
There was a horrendous noise that I cannot describe and still haunts me, followed by the sound of breaking glass as both bikes and roof rack hit the ground after briefly entering the boot through the rear window.
Some of you will remember an incident, many years ago, to a chap called Marcellus. I remember thinking I would never be stupid enough to drive my car through a barrier with a bike on top of my roof. Well I have exceeded this by wrecking my bike and my girlfriend’s bike. oops
Training is on hold for the moment.
Proposed Rule #96 -Twatting your bike.
Driver and also owner of bikes on roof of car, removes bikes from roof of car by driving through a barrier. Owner of bike shall be referred to as a twat until bike has been replaced, or repaired. Exceptions are if wife or girlfriend is driving car in which case a possible conspiracy theory may have to be investigated. This confirms the need for Rule #12: the number of bikes owned should be N +1. You can at least be sure of a spare available.
Waitrose are suing me for damaging their barrier
Bastards
*Two identical Alan CX bikes on the roof of my car as I delivered a racer to the airport after he won the cyclocross nationals many years ago. Luckily the handlebars lightly hit a warning sign as I ripped into the departure drop off. Had that gone badly, I would have had to find another sport.
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View Comments
@bkclyde
It may be tempting fate but I have never done it so far and I don't think I ever will.
I honestly can't comprehend how someone can forget they have the bikes on top of the car AND then drive into something. I don't claim this as some intellectual or moral superiority, I just have never even come close to it myself.
I've also never had a clipless moment, which is another thing that everyone is supposed to have done.
This seems more suited to The Lexicon, rather than The Rules, since "twatting your bike" is a term and not a guiding principle.
@fignons barber
Good point. Bikes in the car, kids on the roof rack. They can duck if a low-hanging obstacle comes along. Besides, kids like the sense of danger and speed.
@V-olcano
Are you a small person? Ride BMX? How do your bikes possible fit inside your hatchback standing up?
@Nate
Agreed, not a rule. Its a good though and I like the idea of adding it to the Lexicon. I drive in fear and paranoia every time my bike is on the roof, but so far I haven't become that person.
@ChrisO
I think the problem is, one never has to worry about clearance in a car, no matter the car. You can drive your whole life and it's not an issue so you don't ever think about it. Then, snazzy roof racks, one has just added 1.2 meters to the top of the car and if one doesn't have a sunroof to see them and be reminded, it happens.
A friend tore his Colnago Master off his car and did major damage to the car while driving into his garage...while talking to his girlfriend on the cell. He yelled so much she thought he had been nearly murdered. ooops.
@therealpeel Re the login/post. It will actually be your browser. Try clearing the cache. It happens to me but is ok after I clear the cache. Though these days I just login as it's as quick as clearing the browser cache.
@Gianni
Of course after that if she had a mishap and he was not all ears, attention and sympathy he would have been toast.
It is horrifying that once the noise from the impact reaches your ears, you know exactly and irreversibly what has transpired. After driving slowly and partially into my garage on two separate occasions with two different bikes, I ash canned my Thule roof mount for a more idiot proof trunk mount. The only bright bright spot to this tale is that neither bike was seriously damaged. The car and the racks, not so much. Some people are slow learners.
@Gianni
Hmm, hands free? I know it can still be distracting, but I'm extremely pissed at people who drive with one hand. You can tell who they are...the person taking the corner on a huge, looping arc because they can't properly turn the wheel.
As Followers, I hope people would have the good sense to not drive and text or drive with one hand. Most of the time I'm nearly hit, the people are playing with a cellular phone. I think it should be Federal law, not state-by-state, that hands free is a must.
I also hope that Werner Herzog's new short doc. on texting and the dangers becomes required viewing in new driver education. Out of all the shit in the world beyond our control, running people over because you are texting absolutely infuriates me. It's so fucking selfish. And the message you're sending is probably completely unnecessary. The world will go on without you sending that.
I wouldn't trust a 16 year old to polish my bike with Pedros...but we'll gladly put them into a deadly machine with a distracting toy in their hands. Fucked up, totally fucked up.
Far too specific an example of just being a gormless twat to actually qualify as a Rule. Could easily be covered by a catch all 'Look After Your Bike' Rule and 'Dont Be a Daft Muppet' sub clause.Anyway, only folk who shop at Waitrose tell us they shop at Waitrose, normal folk just say a supermarket. UK readers will know this.