Guest Article: Proposed New Rule #96, the Marcellus Rule

Roof racks Rule. photo-Honda

This note arrived to the Velominati Bunker back in April. It was a confession. It was a cautionary one. Everyone knows someone who has done this. I nearly did it myself*. I replied to Alex, not sympathetically enough yet his message has stayed with me. Is this worthy of a New Rule? 

Yours in Cycling, Gianni

Dear illustrious members ,

I wondered if the members had a Rule for irregular removal of bikes from roof, off vehicle? I feel the need to explain a little incident that occurred after picking up my two Specialized bikes from storage after having moved house.

Both  bikes  were sitting comfortably on the Thule roof rack and we were making good headway back to my new residence in Bourne end. I had both my boys in the car and was a little distracted with a conversation with my eldest. Mentioned in the conversation was the issue of lunch. So it made sense to pull into Waitrose to get a bite to eat. Err need I go on? We entered into Waitrose at a good speed.

There was a horrendous noise that I cannot describe and still haunts me, followed by the sound of breaking glass as both bikes and roof rack hit the ground after briefly entering the boot through the rear window.

Some of you will remember an incident, many years ago, to a chap called Marcellus. I remember thinking I would never be stupid enough to drive my car through a barrier with a bike on top of my roof. Well I have exceeded this by wrecking my bike and my girlfriend’s bike. oops

Training is on hold for the moment.

Proposed Rule #96 -Twatting your bike.

Driver and also owner of bikes on roof of car, removes bikes from roof of car by driving through a barrier. Owner of bike shall be referred to as a twat until bike has been replaced, or repaired. Exceptions are if wife or girlfriend is driving car in which case a possible conspiracy theory may have to be investigated. This confirms the need for Rule #12: the number of bikes owned should be N +1. You can at least be sure of a spare available.

Waitrose are suing me for damaging their barrier

Bastards

*Two identical Alan CX bikes on the roof of my car as I delivered a racer to the airport after he won the cyclocross nationals many years ago. Luckily the handlebars lightly hit a warning sign as I ripped into the departure drop off. Had that gone badly, I would have had to find another sport.

View Comments

  • Thank goodness no bikes were hurt on his first day on the job.

    Caused a pile up 6km back though.

    Measure twice, drive once - safely.

  • @therealpeel

    @V-olcano

    Unrelated because I have no story to share (I drive a hatchback and the bikes fit inside standing up - proper protection, that is):

    What is going on here with having to log in before being able to read posts/comments? It's not quite maddening, but adding a step each time I visit seems silly.

    Are you a small person? Ride BMX? How do your bikes possible fit inside your hatchback standing up?

    I'm not a BIG person, but no. The front wheel comes off and is slotted into a wheel carrier next to the bike, which stands in a fork mount bolted to the floor.

    It's a great arrangement, but will only work with bikes up to about 56 cm without dropping the seatpost. No damage to bikes, no loss of fuel efficiency, and I can lock them up to grab a bite to eat with a little more piece of mind. Highly recommended if available to you.

  • The VMH did this to a mountain bike on her Subie at an espresso stand a couple years ago. It's only a matter of time before I do it, myself.

  • When I first read this story I thought it was going to be about cellar based love with a man in a gimp mask! But disappointingly no.

    you revelations are rapidly putting me off buying a roof rack or even a rear rack or even putting the bike near the car ever again. It might limit my range but maybe safer just to cycle from home all the time, as I am the most forgetful person EVER when it comes to driving, Christ I'm only saved from fender benders because the land rover is so slow, Ohhhhhh look at that pretty field of wheat/barley/potatoes etc! You can guess the rest.

  • Or,here's a thought. Bikes on roof of car? Garage door opener goes in trunk or kit bag, anywhere out of reach. Or am I being too practical? Mind you, this only prevents some of the accidents described above. For those, I have no remedy.

  • My car is a Mercedes Vito.  Say no more, squire !!

    It's not a problem for me.  I know for a fact, that if I mounted bikes on the roof of any car, I would destroy them at some point.  I've gently massaged a surfboard on the roof of my van, and our recently sold acreage garage had two separate marks where both my wife and myself drove our ROPS equipped tractor in , or tried to, anyway. It almost fit, just not quite.

  • No this is not worthy of a rule. Are we to have a rule for every err of a Velominatus? I would have thought "don't wreck the bikes on your roof by forgetting they are up there" is pretty apparent to anyone who puts one up there. Maybe the rule should be; don't transport your bike on the roof of your vehicle.

1 4 5 6 7 8 10
Share
Published by

Recent Posts

Anatomy of a Photo: Sock & Shoe Game

I know as well as any of you that I've been checked out lately, kind…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Men’s World Championship Road Race 2017

Peter Sagan has undergone quite the transformation over the years; starting as a brash and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Women’s World Championship Road Race 2017

The Women's road race has to be my favorite one-day road race after Paris-Roubaix and…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Vuelta a España 2017

Holy fuckballs. I've never been this late ever on a VSP. I mean, I've missed…

7 years ago

Velominati Super Prestige: Clasica Ciclista San Sebastian 2017

This week we are currently in is the most boring week of the year. After…

7 years ago

Route Finding

I have memories of my life before Cycling, but as the years wear slowly on…

7 years ago