Guest Article: Testing Rule #12

If Rule #12 does not smolder deep in your soul, you might not be a Velominatus. I’ll still be riffling through bike magazine porn, from the inevitable wheelchair, in the old folks home. Some of us have hidden new bikes from our better halves. Every known bit of subterfuge has been employed to downplay the addition of another bike to the stable. It’s what we do. @1860 has his own story, with no subterfuge involved.

VLVV, Gianni

Last weekend I don’t know what was going on, call it fate, call it alignment of some fucking planets, call it whatever the hell you want, it was surreal. As a committed Velominatus, I know all the Rules very well especially Rule #12, but after buying a nice road bike recently and with a tight budget situation, I was planning to let a deliberately casual amount of time pass until Rule #25 and especially s-1 was closely tested. On Friday, my wife, who is addicted to a website where people sell used furniture and stuff, which was always ugly new or used, ended up buying a sofa and I was more or less drafted into helping her carry it. It turned out to be ugly, uncomfortable, but most of all extremely fucking heavy. Carrying it was torture. Finally I sat down on the abomination and ended up slamming some piece of wood and I thought my curse was complete. Apparently during this whole ordeal my level of enthusiasm was registered by the wife, and I was in the doghouse.

Then on Sunday, she showed me, for reasons which I will never understand, a search on aforementioned website, a search for a Colnago Master which turned up a beautiful frame in my size. This woman who had just put me through this ordeal said to me “Hey look, you always wanted a Colnago, doesn’t this one look nice?” In fact, it was absolutely the coolest art-deco painted frame I had ever seen, and I was already imagining the awesomeness of this frame with a new Campagnolo Super Record group and modern wheels. So I, in a deliberately casual way, tried to work out the Rules of Engagement with my wife, all of which I ended up ignoring (“Just reserve it and think about it overnight”, “Maybe he will take one of your other bikes in trade”…).

I went over to see the guy on Sunday and I encountered a veritable bike coolness museum with more than 40 bikes. He had everything, from a Colnago C40 to Pinarello this and that to a gold plated fork to a Gios Steel Frame.

The Colnago Master Olympic was beautiful, it was amazing and in great condition. I had no choice, with some guilt and difficulty, I realised I was hooked and had to get it. So I bought the frame and started hoping that this was the n+1 part of Rule #12, and not exceeding the s-1 variant.

Due to some crazy turn of fate, planets, cows farts or something or other, I am now in possession of bike #4. When I got home, there were further probing questions from aforementioned darling wife, “How much will it cost to build up the bike”, “Can you do this by yourself”? It was extremely hard to avoid the money question, so I tried hard to avoid being pinned down on a figure all the while trying to imagine a Campagnolo 80th Anniversary Super Record groupset on this frame. The “can you do this” question is a classic, I am trusted at work to build, manage and run power plants worth hundreds of millions, but at home every time I take a tool in my hands my abilities are ruthlessly questioned.

So now the plan is to build it up in a modern, classic mix that I will like, many won’t but big deal. And in the end, I am feeling pretty ok with the world and looking forward to finally taking it out for a ride, but also agonizing over the wheelset (Shamal Ultra or Vento?). I am also very thankful for the awful sofa which may probably more than cow farts in China or alignment of planets led me to getting an awesome classic frame. Of course my beautiful wife played a huge role in this, but if I am starting to be honest about this, I might have to admit what my bikes really cost.

The Chamber of Dreams
1860

View Comments

  • @1860

    @Bespoke

    wait a second as Guest Contributor, I have the final say… I say Colnago Veloce silver. Daytona has that strange writing on the brake levers…

    Well, I think Mr. Frank might have an issue with who has the final say. Don't they all have writing on the brake levers?

    @Teocalli

    @Bespoke

    Crikey – don’t stick me on a pedestal.  I just have my opinion.

    It's just that opinions are so hard to come by on this site!

  • @Nate

    @wilburrox

    Colnagos are meant to have wild paint jobs. The gods of Mt Velomis gave Ernesto the skill and vision to paint his bike up all crazy-like.

    A riding buddy of mine got a C60 this summer. It is black.  I give him shit for it. I think he has started looking for someone to paint it up properly.

    I appreciate that point. Thank you. I note that my buddy states he always wanted one many moons ago when he was racing but... and now today he has 'em... this is the bike below. When he wants to ride fast it's his C Merckx bike he's on but he rides this one often. Not really showing up is the beautiful one piece Ti stem. Its a real piece of work.

  • @1860 let me introduce you to wife pound conversion. Rate can fluctuate between taking the piss and what you can get away with but as an example I recently purchased a set of Mavic Ksyrium SL's rrp £750 which after WP conversion became £275. I don't feel bad because the wife does it all the time. How many instances of "is that a new dress love?" ..."what this, I've had it ages" have you experienced?

  • @gilly

    @1860 let me introduce you to wife pound conversion. Rate can fluctuate between taking the piss and what you can get away with but as an example I recently purchased a set of Mavic Ksyrium SL’s rrp £750 which after WP conversion became £275. I don’t feel bad because the wife does it all the time. How many instances of “is that a new dress love?” …”what this, I’ve had it ages” have you experienced?

    Mine is "Is that a new dress?"  "Yes I got it from a charity shop".  Thing is, she does mostly.

    So this starts me thinking, surely a second hand bike sale is the equivalent of a charity shop?  "Is that a new frame?" "Oh it's nothing, it's quite old, I picked it up at that bazaar last week".  Wonder whether I'd survive if I tried it........

  • @1860

    @Alex Ek

    That is exactly my frame… beauty… shame about your sacrilege with a Group-san.

    Shimano is entirely appropriate - both Rabobank and Mapei team Colnagos were only ever equipped with Dura-Ace.

  • Appropriate is a word sounding like a compromise and indeed Shimano is a compromise with the likes of Campagnolo being a groupset choice ...

  • @steelhead

    Appropriate is a word sounding like a compromise and indeed Shimano is a compromise with the likes of Campagnolo being a groupset choice …

    Imagine the reaction if your wife asked how her new dress looks and you say "It's very appropriate" instead of "Que Bella mi Amore!" that is the perfect comparison between Group-san and Gruppo.

  • @Teocalli

    @gilly

    @gilly

    @1860 let me introduce you to wife pound conversion. Rate can fluctuate between taking the piss and what you can get away with but as an example I recently purchased a set of Mavic Ksyrium SL’s rrp £750 which after WP conversion became £275. I don’t feel bad because the wife does it all the time. How many instances of “is that a new dress love?” …”what this, I’ve had it ages” have you experienced?

    Mine is “Is that a new dress?”  “Yes I got it from a charity shop”.  Thing is, she does mostly.

    So this starts me thinking, surely a second hand bike sale is the equivalent of a charity shop?  “Is that a new frame?” “Oh it’s nothing, it’s quite old, I picked it up at that bazaar last week”.  Wonder whether I’d survive if I tried it……..

    I have thought about it, but am worried about the arms race type escalation that may occur, in the end I think unrestricted shopping would be worse for my budget than the odd Colnago Master. Of course the guy with the toughest situation is @Stephen who's wife is the accountant....

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