I awoke Sunday morning to the sound of the driving rain on the windows, buffeted by gusts of wind. I got up, made myself a double espresso, and called to the dogs for their walk. Smackimus, the mutt who embodies Rule #5 in everything he does, came bounding down the stairs. Beene, the lummoxy Great Dane, followed quite a distance behind, yawning and smacking her lips. I opened the front door and the three of us headed outside. I made my way down the stairs and zipped up my jacket as both dogs followed. Smackimus slowed noticeably as we left the shelter of the front porch and stepped into the rain, and Beene stopped altogether.
After using all my skills of persuasion, I managed to get both the dogs to do their business, but it was a minimum-commitment operation; both dogs did what they needed to do and bolted back up the steps to the shelter of the front porch.
A great day for a ride, obviously.
We are a sick lot, those of us who find more pleasure in riding in bad weather than in good. I have decided, however, to remove my fenders from the Rain Bike, as they do tend to detract from the considerable pleasure of feeling the spray from the road coat your body in Rule #9; the fenders definitely diminish the indulgence in the rain, and, generally, the volume of Suck that the weather is dispensing on your person. Fenders or not, the ride still merited camera-phone self-portraits, Dan O-style.
Oh, and – Merckx help us all – I think Rule #9 might actually be a Garbage Song.
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I'm fixin' to build up a rain bike here in the next few weeks and would like full input from this community.
Now, I'm as big a fan of the V as the next man who's peaking in two months but ... here goes .... there's nothing wussy about fenders*. Do us Rule Holists not believe that the rules are there not only there to ensure we respect the traditions and etiquette of cycling, but also (to misquote Frank) to look fucking good doing so?
The odd wet ride on a summers day: fine, and, if we're racing Paris-Roubaix, yes. But, like a cold shower, good every now and then for a bracing hangover recovery cure after one too many 50cl** glasses of fine Belgian beer. But, not what you want to do every morning.
Especially as round these parts, from October to March the roads resemble farm tracks, the surface water transformed into a cocktail of mud, gravel and cow shit.
Where's the 'looking good' in a muddy stripe up the back of your best Assos shirt and bibs, which you remortgaged your house and divorced your wife in order to buy? What's 'hard' about turning that minty-green FI.13_S5 insert into a cold wet gritty sponge and sitting on it for 5 hours in 5 degrees**? Where's the 'etiquette' in spraying your fellow Velominati with a faceful of slurry on a winter training ride?
Which is why you'll find me in full length fenders* for the next six months.
Oh, and whilst I'm on a roll here:
* Fender: (fen-der), n., (mid-20c) 1. A guitar or other stringed instrument manufactured by the Fender Musical Instruments Corporation of Arizona 2. a metal fire-grate. 3. The US name for what are properly known as 'mudguards', for reasons specified above.
** In accordance with the principle of Rule 24, temperature should always be measured and referred to in Celsius. Beer (and certainly Belgian beer) should be measured and referred to in 'cl'. Perhaps a rule update is necessary here, though I would have thought that this would have been obvious to most Velominati.
Just sayin'
@Geoffrey Grosenbach
Sounds like there is something wrong with your stroke Frank.
@Geoffrey Grosenbach
Sounds like me, and it was close to home. I'm just glad you weren't at Paseo when I rode by. I was hemorrhaging the Anti-V. On the other hand, I Rode Like a Lion on Interlaken and on Lake Washington Blvd.
@Marcus
He left off the big about my Magnificent Stroke.
@ken
Touche. Nicely done all around on this post. You get the highest marks possible. Did anyone say there's a Rule against mud guards? While there should be, obviously, a new Rule about calling mud guards "fenders", I think various people (including me) just commented that it's less aesthetically pleasing that it detracts from indulgence into Rule 9.
Very cold weather and riding on roads covered in shit are fantastic examples of times where mud guards would be must helpful.
As for the beer, I might agree with the caveat that Ales are to be measured only in Pints or Litres.
@frank, you left out the "idiot" part of "idiot savant".
I'll gladly have a completely dedicated rain bike with permanent fenders. I'll skip the fenders on the good bike and risk getting it wet a few times a year, but have no reservations on taking the rain bike out whenever I feel, rain or shine.
Sorry for the double post, but in the US, we call them fenders, across the pond they call them mudguards. I've finally put that much together.
@Marko
Awesome project. I also have a stalled rain bike project on the balcony (it hasn't been wet enough here yet - and I can't find where the Ullrich my cable cutters are).
Give us all some clues. What are you starting with?
My choices would be below:
Continental rubber. GP 4Season 25mm on the back 23mm on the front.
Brakes - Koolstop. I swear by these. I suspect that if I tried SwissStop I would prefer them, but they seem absurdly expensive to me.
Gruppo - old Veloce.
Mudguards - no thanks. Many reasons - don't start me.
Controversially, I would fit a saddlebag (Is that the word I mean?? I'm glad to say I haven't used one for long enough to forget.) Defence for Rule Contravention: my saddle is split and it prevents me getting a jet of gritty water up the ass. Also I tend to take two spare tubes and some cash - that i'd like to keep clean and dry.
I'll be interested to follow your progress.
@ken
Ken, wise words!***
However, I am not wise and while I wouldn't want to cause offence, I suspect that some others on this site are also not wise. So I'll give you the dubious benefit of my stupidity:
I don't do mudguards.
Reasons:
1. Aesthetics. I don't like the look of them. This detracts from looking fuucking good when cycling. On Rule 9 days, I hate the water from the front wheel bouncing off the downtube and straight into my shoes, but that's all part of the Rule. I certainly wouldn't want to soil the Assos if i had any; but for shitty weather, old kit. Cycling at a good pace in a thunderstorm with wheels spraying everywhere looks fucking good anyway. So much the better if you end up like this:
2. Cleaning. I'd rather the cow shit went in someone else's face than picking it out of the mudguards at home. Some things are fine outdoors and wrong at home. You shouldn't have to deal with clotted cow shit at home.
3. Most of my Rule 9 riding is done solo and if not, I don't want someone cycling right behind me when their brakes are unlikely to perform in an emergency. A plume of dirty water, grit and slurry is a suitable and gentle hint that they might like to drop back a touch and do their own fucking work in the wind.****
*** Your footnotes are absolutely spot on!
**** In the unlikely event that you get sprayed with shit by me on some ride over the winter you are most welcome to punch me in the face as you pass - firstly for spraying you, secondly for not dropping you!
So what is the final Velominati ruling on mud guards? Do they ruin hardman status or are they acceptable in winter with four straight months of wet roads?
In the summer I can put up with it raining every so often, but months of wet feet and chamois just aren't worth it to me. I'd rather wear my nice kit year round and suffer the style points penalty for a few months with mud guards on instead of wearing ugly ol' threadbare kit.
And, if it hasn't been mentioned already, the Crud road mud guards do a nice job, are pretty minimal, and don't look too bad.
And beyond this, shouldn't any true Velominati hardman have a bad weather/winter bike that already likely suffers from some aesthetic issues, prior to getting mud guards put on? If it didn't it would be harder to be the heck out of it all winter.