Categories: The Rules

Study of a Madman: Riding in the Rain

Riding high up on a deep depression.

I awoke Sunday morning to the sound of the driving rain on the windows, buffeted by gusts of wind. I got up, made myself a double espresso, and called to the dogs for their walk. Smackimus, the mutt who embodies Rule #5 in everything he does, came bounding down the stairs. Beene, the lummoxy Great Dane, followed quite a distance behind, yawning and smacking her lips. I opened the front door and the three of us headed outside. I made my way down the stairs and zipped up my jacket as both dogs followed. Smackimus slowed noticeably as we left the shelter of the front porch and stepped into the rain, and Beene stopped altogether.

After using all my skills of persuasion, I managed to get both the dogs to do their business, but it was a minimum-commitment operation; both dogs did what they needed to do and bolted back up the steps to the shelter of the front porch.

A great day for a ride, obviously.

We are a sick lot, those of us who find more pleasure in riding in bad weather than in good. I have decided, however, to remove my fenders from the Rain Bike, as they do tend to detract from the considerable pleasure of feeling the spray from the road coat your body in Rule #9; the fenders definitely diminish the indulgence in the rain, and, generally, the volume of Suck that the weather is dispensing on your person. Fenders or not, the ride still merited camera-phone self-portraits, Dan O-style.

Oh, and – Merckx help us all – I think Rule #9 might actually be a Garbage Song.

[dmalbum path=”/velominati.com/content/Photo Galleries/frank@velominati.com/Only Happy When it Rains/”/]

frank

The founder of Velominati and curator of The Rules, Frank was born in the Dutch colonies of Minnesota. His boundless physical talents are carefully canceled out by his equally boundless enthusiasm for drinking. Coffee, beer, wine, if it’s in a container, he will enjoy it, a lot of it. He currently lives in Seattle. He loves riding in the rain and scheduling visits with the Man with the Hammer just to be reminded of the privilege it is to feel completely depleted. He holds down a technology job the description of which no-one really understands and his interests outside of Cycling and drinking are Cycling and drinking. As devoted aesthete, the only thing more important to him than riding a bike well is looking good doing it. Frank is co-author along with the other Keepers of the Cog of the popular book, The Rules, The Way of the Cycling Disciple and also writes a monthly column for the magazine, Cyclist. He is also currently working on the first follow-up to The Rules, tentatively entitled The Hardmen. Email him directly at rouleur@velominati.com.

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View Comments

Collin says:

Oct 13 2010 at 3:31 pm

I feel that there are three distinctions in non-snow weather conditions. Dry, raining, and recently raining. After a dry ride, there may be some dust accumulation, but otherwise my steed is in similar condition. After a raining ride, my bike is visually clean, sometimes cleaner than before the ride*, and only requires a bit of lube at the moving joints. It is after recently raining rides, though, that the grimes jumps on the bike and requires a serious cleaning. While raining, the water keeps flushing the grime off, but once the rain stops and the roads are just wet, all the crap gets lodged into every crevice.

* I don't do a full clean of my bike every ride or even every week. I keep the drivetrain happy, but otherwise only do a full clean where I remove cosmetic dirt about once a month.
Roadslave525 says:

Oct 13 2010 at 3:43 pm

@ken: expresso. Shame on you. Even with the correction after. Go find a micro pump and/or CO2 canister, and beat yourself around the head until there is nothing but bloody pulp. And then HTFU, and do it all again. Jesus. Next you'll be asking for a soy latte.
frank says:

Oct 13 2010 at 9:01 pm

@ken, @Steampunk

I'll admit to a crisis of confidence on this one. It's a 'horses for courses' sort of thing, that defies rule making. But if there were a rule it might go like this: Continental beers, notably finest Belgian ales, should always be measured and referred to in 'cl'. Ales, English and American beers (watery piss or otherwise) should always be measured in pints. Half-pints are an acceptable alternative assuming you wish to be regarded as a pussy.

Correction: Irish beer is measured in pints; English beers are in mugs or glasses (so the publicans can stiff you); Canadian beer comes in pitchers; most American beer doesn't deserve the name.

I was at a business dinner tonight with a fellow European. He was English and, while I freely admit that Brits are not Europeans, as a Dutchman living in the States and him an Englishman living in the States, we weren't about to split hairs.

During the conversation, he mentioned to another subject (non-Europeans, in my eyes, are Subjects) that Europeans are very good at establishing and following standards. Which is, of course, true. Except when it comes to measurement.

So I asked him, "How is it that Europeans are so good at standards, but a beer in any European country other than one residing in the UK or Ireland is measured in cl's, in England they're whatever you're not too drunk to call them, and in Ireland they are strictly measured in 'Pints'?"

And he said, without batting an eye, "Because when it comes to pints, you don't fucking mess with the Irish."
George says:

Oct 14 2010 at 12:48 am

@frank
As an Englishman, I'm bemused by you lot thinking we don't use a measure for beer. It's a pint - always. A half-pint is not used for human consumption. It is acceptable to order a half if your dog drinks and you don't share its taste in beer. Velomihotties and other girls have pints - either because they want them, or to avoid making it difficult to carry the round.
Steampunk says:

Oct 14 2010 at 4:05 am

@frank
Having been married to an Irishwoman for close to 15 years, I have the scars to support that claim.
Dave Harding says:

Oct 14 2010 at 10:18 am

@Frank

Just noticed the Rule#1 Rule#5 on Bibshorts...a great reminder on every pedal stroke! awesome :-)
frank says:

Oct 14 2010 at 10:27 am

@Dave Harding
Ha, yeah - that was a stroke of genius. I can't remember who's idea it was, but it has pulled me through many a dark time.
mcsqueak says:

Oct 14 2010 at 11:16 am

I may be a day late and a dollar short on this observation, but I would like to add that all fine German beers should be consumed in a mug no smaller than the Bavarian maÃŸ (mass). (This would include Spaten Optimator, which I believe should be considered among the top German beers for any man worth his salt.)

First, it conforms to the rule of measurement in metric units, as the maÃŸ is equal to exactly one litre of beer.

Second, the large size of the drinking vessel is much like running a standard crank vs. a compact, you are just that much more of a hardman. As stated earlier, sure there are reasons to run a compact crank, and sure, there are reasons to consume less than a litre of beer in one glass. But if you are CAPABLE of drinking such a quantity with ease, there is no good reason not to do so.
Steampunk says:

Oct 14 2010 at 12:30 pm

@mcsqueak
Well played! Very well played!
Frenchie says:

Oct 18 2010 at 4:33 am

Well since I currently live in the UK I have to use mudguards (yes, we don't say fenders on these shores); and I also ride a couple of fixedwheel bikes most of the winter, a lovely 17-year old converted grass track racer and a heavy duty commuter. The Grass Track sports "elegant" and efficient Crud Road racers Mk2 which keep me a bit dryer & sans muck when I travel along the local country lanes, and keep my team mate dryer too. @George, don't show up on one of our local wet chain gang or club ride or stick to the back! ;o)